Aug 282001

that was drawn on you was drawn on me, and now it’s drawing me in, 6th ave heartache…wallflowers.

going into this school season so burned out, don’t quite know how i’ll make it. i’ve decided to take the summer 2002 off. i can’t push myself anymore. i forget how to spell these days, i forget what good grammar is…

i’m walking heavy these days, still in a funk. sometimes i catch myself getting teary-eyed for no damned reason at all. is it the change? at 36?

i guess i’m mourning the children that i know i’ll never have, the dream life of belonging in a big victorian house, visions of me picking up wet towels and sweat socks…isn’t the grass always greener on the other side?

i feel older this year somehow. i’m ready to rest, ready to let this tight hold on the life line ease up a little. i can smile as rope burns my hands, it’s all alright, i always go back to fine.

it was a hard year. physically and mentally. and although every inch of my time was taken up, i felt so empty and dull inside. and it hasn’t changed. nothing.

why am i here? i don’t know. maybe it’s comforting to know that someone is reading about me. i guess it’s worth it to get up in the morning, to crack a smile…i’ve left my silly history, on your wonderful brain lobes…

my stash of moondust and pixie devilish smiles is depleted. and it’s always blue sunday when all the stores are closed…

  4 Responses to “same black line”

  1. Alex,

    You are not alone…



    Someone loves you-you know who


  2. i love reading your butterfly moondust history :). i’m sure i’m not alone.

  3. It sin’t The Change, but it is a change. Same thing hit me at 36, which is when I decided to my job and go back to school. Part of it was approaching-middle-age crazy, and the rest was desparation that if I didn’t do something … *anything* … I’d miss out on everything.

    Frankly, in retrospect, yours seems the more sensible approach.

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