Misgivings. Overthinking…

Although I truly enjoyed my walk with James the other day, a few things are nagging at me.

– After the initial greetings, I did get tongue-tied for a moment. It was at that moment that James decided to dash across the seven-lane street. Trying to beat the oncoming traffic, no doubt… but I had just a slight misgiving that he was trying to run away from me. At my age, I don’t generally run across streets like that unless I have a very good reason. But I did on this occasion, just so I could keep up with him. And we continued walking together and talking after that until we got to his house… a good six to eight minutes.

– At one point I looked over at James and his face, gasped inwardly, and wondered what the hell I was doing. He’s just a boy! So young and innocent. At that moment I knew I could not imagine a sexual or romantic relationship with him. But I do enjoy his company. Maybe I only want to treat him to lunch or dinner on occasion, in return for company and good conversation with a cute young person whom I like and respect.

– When we got to his house, he took leave of me saying, “Have a great day.” Ouch! That was McDonaldspeak, as if he had just filled my order while on the job. But today, after he stopped in at his place of employment and chatted awhile with his coworkers, I heard him say the same thing to them when he finally left. So maybe that’s just James-speak.

~~~~~~~~~

I took the 12:30 bus west out of downtown today. James was not on it. I exited at the stop he uses — I was the only one — and walked to McDonald’s from there, not going down James’ street, but the one just before that. I was rather relieved that I didn’t run into him today, to be honest.

But later on, James slipped into McDonald’s without my noticing. I was using the restroom and noticed him at the counter when I returned. He was wearing shorts and I noticed his very thin legs. At some point he put a box over his head with eyes and mouth cut out — some sort of impromptu Halloween costume, I’m assuming. He left shortly after that and we didn’t speak.

1 thought on “Misgivings. Overthinking…”

  1. Having been in customer service for so many years of my life, I am always saying ‘Have a great day!’ to people. It just becomes habit.

    I also personally back away from people a bit after a longer conversation just because I do . . . it could just be his own social awkwardness. I run out of things to say.

    So . . . probably not avoidance, just normal human stuff.

    Just my two cents. 😉

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