Anxiety ridden.

I’ve been staying at Jim’s house for three days now. It’s nice; I like it here… although I’ve made a point of hardly ever being around until late evening as I feel like I’m intruding and I’m trying to stay out of Jim’s and Larry’s way as much as possible, so much that they’ll scarcely even notice that I’m here. Larry strikes me as a bit odd in the way he interacts, but I sense he’s a good sort. The three dogs, who were jumping all over me my first morning here, have calmed down considerably now. They’re getting used to me, I guess.

But I’m feeling anxiety and uncertainty over what comes next. I haven’t heard from either Keinya or Steve since that text at 5:00 Monday morning, so I don’t know for sure what’s going on.

I don’t want Keinya to be sick, of course, but I do hope Steve was telling me the truth and that they’re not trying to dump me now. That possibility has occurred to me ever since I told John (via Facebook) what had happened later on Monday, and his first reply was “Sounds suspicious.”

Pure mind poison. That possibility had previously not occurred to me. Keinya had said she’d take care of me, and had already done so for three weeks. Would she abandon me now? John is, of course, “Mister” Negativity, and his thoughts always, always default to the worst possibility. So maybe it’s just that.

But I’m thinking about my imminent future. I’d told Keinya I’d go live with them when they found a new place, at least for awhile, but now I’m thinking that I don’t really want to. Their lifestyle just doesn’t mesh well with mine at all. They smoke marijuana all the time and have loud parties frequently, often late into the night, and I just want some peace and quiet.

It’s very quiet here at Jim and Larry’s house. But Larry has already told Jim he doesn’t want my staying with them to be “long term”… however that’s defined.

Still, back in December 2016, Jim had told me I probably could move in with them as a housemate… which fell through at the time because Larry’s sister left her husband, apparently, and needed the spare bedroom.

But there is no sister around now… and I’m wondering if Larry would be open to my staying longer term if I paid rent. Thing is, I have no money to do so until July.

Then there’s the issue of whether I’ll ever again see any of my personal belongings that were left at the house in our hasty exit on the morning of May 21.

I just want some security and stability back.


James stopped in at McDonald’s this afternoon while I was there, to check his weekend work schedule. Looks like they’re going to start putting him on evening shifts (4 pm until closing) as soon as Saturday, which means I’ll probably see him less often. They’re moving shifts around because apparently many of the crew members are “jumping ship” and finding less stressful jobs elsewhere. Evidently this labor shortage I keep hearing and reading about is for real.

I did get to have a nice conversation with James, though. Starting out with asking him whether he thought they’d hire an older adult (me) who hasn’t worked in nearly eighteen years, and ending up talking about McDonald’s chicken tenders vs. the ones available at the grill at GetGo down the street from there.

I even opened up to him just a bit about my personal life, without going into too much detail. I mentioned that my life is in “utter turmoil” at the moment and that I needed some extra income as my small pension just wasn’t cutting it. He kindly and sweetly told me that he wished me all the best.

Every time I converse with that young man, it has a tonic quality for me and lifts my spirits, regardless of what the conversation is actually about. James is cute, although a bit dorky sometimes. I like him a lot.