For Carl

Caught a lite sneeze
Dreamed a little dream
Made my own pretty hate machine
Boys on my left side
Boys on my right side
Boys in the middle
And you’re not here

Boys in their dresses
And you’re not here

— Tori Amos

Sometimes Glenn, the big-boss store manager of my Poor Man’s Starbucks who’s at least in his 60s, appears in full drag. Skirt, blouse, nylon stockings, ladies’ shoes, wig, floppy hat, the whole bit.

There’s one early-afternoon loiterer there who drives me crazy. His girlfriend works there, as far as I’ve observed, and he has to hang around endlessly, bothering the crew. One of the managers even called the police on him once, but it apparently did no good.

Doesn’t he have any better way to occupy his time? I’ve been observing him intently. Nice looking, nicely-built guy. I don’t like him. At first I thought he was a mere loser, but more and more I’m becoming convinced he’s a total sociopath.

Yesterday for a period of time, this younger guy was hanging out with him. Someone I’ve seen before. He might even be the kid I saw late one evening in the library entrance, well over a year ago, who asked me if I had a “cig”.

Good-looking kid… but he keeps giving me these weird looks. Furtive, fleeting side glances that seem a bit hostile. I can’t decide if I want to blow him or punch his face in.

James is an 18-year-old crew member who is always super talkative and friendly. Although he no longer says hello to me if he passes me in the dining room like he used to when he first started… just gives me a look and continues on his way.

Today there was a new hire named Matthias… hot-looking young guy. He kind of briefly joined our conversation when Kyle and I were talking. And a young dark-haired guy I’ve seen before, wearing the same white “XO” sleeveless T-shirt I saw him in last, came in… another of Kyle’s friends.

Then there’s the cute kid in the glasses who comes in and loiters sometimes, who apparently dreams of being a rap star. A bit of cultural appropriation, heh.

How can I find guys so physically attractive, and yet feel such contempt for them? Made my own pretty hate machine…

Boys on my left side… boys on my right side… boys in the middle… and you’re not here…


The exterminator came to the house yesterday while I was out. I got a text message from Keinya saying he said all my bedding had to go. The upholstered armchair in my room, too. So infested they were beyond saving. Apparently my room was the worst in the house.

So that stuff is gone from my room now. Now I have yet another air mattress, one that Lindsay used to use.

No bugs bothering me last night… but now there’s another problem. The air mattress deflates quickly… goes from fully inflated and firm to my back hitting the floor in about an hour… I had to reinflate every hour last night and got almost no sleep.

Sigh. When one fire is finally put out, another one begins.

I saw Lindsay this morning in the living room, on my way out, and asked him about his experiences with this mattress. He said it worked fine for him. He said he’s going to take a look at it for me. I just hope it’s some simple detail I’ve been overlooking. This one’s a bit different than the old one that was in my room in how you inflate/deflate. It’s got the electric inflator built right in. I thought I had it figured out last night, but I guess not.