Realize and Resolve

A cold front moved through yesterday. It brought some semi-serious clouds along for company.

And those clouds consented to let fall a few raindrops on our house.

And I DO mean just a few.

Just enough for me to smell them. I was busy doing other things at that moment, but suddenly through the open windows and doors wafted an almost forgotten scent.

Rain on warm cement.

I could hardly believe my nose.

I ran out and stood in it. It’s a good thing I ran, because it only lasted a few moments.

What a tease!

But I won’t complain. It was a happy surprise.

I’m having an odd day today though. I think those were magic rain drops. And they have put me in an altered state.

Given the time of year…. [For me it’s just about Rosh Hashanah which is the Jewish New Year], I’m taking stock. Making certain resolutions, looking at things very closely and deciding whether they should go or stay. Inner things and outer things.

On the outer front, I have decided that Facebook is not my favorite place to visit any more.

Not that I don’t enjoy my friends, far from it.
But I think I want to enjoy them in a different way than on Facebook. I never really post very much there, but I was reading it all the time, because the blasted thing is updated all the time. Perhaps what has pushed me over the edge is just recently they made several changes to make Facebook… ‘better’. Better? Eh. Not so much.

No offence to anyone who loves it there. I KNOW why you love it. It’s loveable. But so is a vat of chocolate. That doesn’t mean I want to deal with the consequences of eating said vat of chocolate. I am tired of dealing with the consequences of Facebook.

One of several incidents that brought me up short on the subject, was that I decided to go through a couple of flash drives and organize my essays and stories and what not.

I ran across a story that I started several years ago. About 8 pages of it. I really liked it. I sat here in front of the computer and wondered why I hadn’t finished it. Then it dawned on me that I spend most of my time checking my various rss feeds and Facebook and Ravelry and news on and off all day long.

I know, I know, I have complained about this before. It’s a constant struggle.

I should be writing. Knitting. Gardening. Painting. Keeping house. Exercising. Studying.
Not playing FarmTown for hours on end.

I’m doing the finger wagging today.

() isn’t allowed to say a word.

I’m just trying to be honest about how I want to spend my time. I need to think some deep thoughts. Some profoundly deep thougths. This takes time. Lots of time. And the fact that too much computer time nurtures ADD tendencies
makes me want to make some drastic cut backs.

I am going to reclaim time from Facebook and all the other compulsive things I’ve been doing on here.

This machine is a great thing.

Truly amazing.

It keeps me in touch with my friends and family, gives me a place to vent my spleen. A place to learn, and share and rejoice with others. But it is also a seductive and time sucking vampire if you let it be.

If () were allowed into this entry today, he would surely point out that I have said most of this stuff before, and he would be right. But as human beings we are given by heaven the right to start over.

Every. Single. Moment.

That doesn’t mean we don’t have to deal with the consequences of our actions. But it does mean we can stop right in the middle of the road, turn around and go in a new direction at any given moment.

Well this is my moment.

It complicates things when I take a good look at my own personality and psychological make up. I’m a scientific type. I’m also a nature girl. Computers knock my socks off. But I also like to make mud balls. Anybody remember that dorodango I made?

Mud Balls

I’m a study in contradictions. I have severe fashion problems and am fundamentally out of sync with much of modern life.

Today a friend sent me a link to a website she thought I might enjoy.

This was the picture in the article.

It sort of sums up my problem.

Though it doesn’t say much about my reaction to the next picture, which the Yarn Harlot posted on her blog today from Canada….

The reaction?

I took one good look at it and burst into tears.

It depicts just about everything I need right now. And it also brought into clear focus what’s going on in the deeper recesses of my psyche that I have been overlooking.

It’s a good thing that I had already decided to pack up my knitting, my notebook, my paints and my dogs to head north this week.

I see now that my mental stability depends upon it.

I need to dip my feet in healing waters.

And I know just the spot to do the dipping.