Yeah… I’m just lonely. Really lonely today. I am really struggling to find happiness or even to just be ok. I think the only way I can feel any type of motivation or… anything other than just blah and numb is when I take medication (adderall or vyvanse). Is that really a life worth living? I’m ashamed of myself and who I am, I think that’s what it basically comes down to. I’m not the type of person I want to be. I don’t look as young anymore and I’m putting on weight and I feel unable to control myself when it comes to food. I KNOWINGLY overate tonight. Even though I planned all day to eat only a small dinner, I couldn’t stop myself from eating too much and then having two desserts. I don’t have self control. I don’t have motivation. I don’t have persistence. I am useless, like a lump.