I Think It’s Over

I think it’s over with Dave.  We haven’t broken up yet, but I think it’s going to happen very soon.  I might even do it tomorrow.

What’s the reason?

Well, I broke my wrist on the 15th and got surgery on it a few days ago. I’ve been in a lot of pain since it happened and sort of handicapped – I can’t do much for myself with only one hand.  And ever since it happened, Dave has been very distant and cold and uncaring.  It’s such a bad feeling.  I can see now that he just doesn’t really care about me.  He’s been giving me small signs that he doesn’t care about me for a while – since the beginning of our relationship actually… But, this is the biggest and most obvious sign.  I can’t continue to be with him after this.  It would be too pathetic.  I might have low self esteem, but I don’t hate myself enough to be with someone who doesn’t give a shit about my well-being.

I really hate going through this over and over.  It’s so depressingly predictable.  Guy stops calling me cute pet nicknames.  Then stops texting me as much as before.  And stops putting in effort to see me in person.  But, they still won’t break up with me.  It’s basically left up to me to bring it up; and break up with them.  I want to scream and cry that it’s not fair, but the world doesn’t care about “fair”.

Again, I am left to contemplate why am I continuing to go on living?  I’ve been wanting to be dead for years so why don’t I just do it?  I am unable to be happy and unable to make myself happy, so what am I really holding on for?