Had plans with my friend Teresa tonight. She was supposed to come over for dinner. I bought all the stuff to make tacos for dinner, cleaned up the apartment all day… and then 3 hours before dinner time she cancelled. Ugh.
Then I tried to sign up for eHarmony… and after filling out my profile for 5 minutes, the site told me that they didn’t have any matches for me and did not let me finish signing up. Ugh.
Not sure what to write today. I so badly wish I could give up hope in finding someone, but I want it too badly to give it up. I just want the pain of so many disappointments and false starts to be finished. I wish I could find some other method of happiness. This way is too pathetic.
So, I thought last week was going to be awesome. I made all kinds of plans – 3 dates and 2 dinners with friends. Date #1 with “Jon from NY” on Monday went pretty well. We got along pretty good. I just wasn’t very attracted to him physically. Then one of my friends cancelled dinner which was supposed to be on Wednesday. That sucked, I was really hoping to get together with her and talk, but whatever we rescheduled for next week. Then date #2 happened on Thursday. It was fantastic! I was so into him! Until we talked about faith and we were so not in sync. So, we talked about it a bit right there on the date and we determined that we probably aren’t on the same page. And so that was the end of that. I was (and still am) super disappointed. It ruined all of my other plans for the week. I met up with Drew on Friday and he could tell that I just looked and felt sad. I talked about it with him and it felt good to release some of the emotions, but I’m still feeling sad even today. Finally, on Saturday I had another date. This gentleman was pretty nice, very cute… but I don’t know. I was still so upset about the date on Thursday that I couldn’t get into this guy. I tried to act like a normal human being though and I guess it went ok. He seemed to like me and he followed up with some texts. Sunday I was just done. I couldn’t do anything. I stayed in bed half the day and spent the other half of the day playing a game on my iPad. I don’t know why I’m so disappointed over this guy. I guess it’s because for a few hours I was HAPPY. I felt GOOD being with him. I felt normal with him and like things were finally going right. And so quickly it was just… gone. Ugh I can’t wait to forget last week.