The Past Few Days

So, I got sick with a cold over the past weekend.  Saturday and Sunday were pretty much ruined because of that.  Saturday was Penny’s birthday party, but I had to tell Brian I couldn’t make it because I was so sick.  On Sunday, I was supposed to meet up with one of my friend’s friends to try out a new church, but I also had to cancel that.  But, everything has been rescheduled to this coming weekend.  I’ll go visit Brian on Saturday and give them their gifts and then I’ll meet up with the friend-of-a-friend on Sunday for their evening service.  My social anxiety made me somewhat relieved that I couldn’t do those things last weekend.  But, now that this weekend is fast approaching, I’m feeling the anxiety again….

Another weird thing that happened this past weekend was San jin texted me out of the blue and said that he had been baptized, was going to church and was carrying around a rosary everyday in order to get me back.  I didn’t know what to make of that so I asked him about it and he said he was just joking, but that he was going to church more.  I still don’t know what to make of that.  Two days ago I asked him why he made those changes in his life, but he hasn’t responded yet.  I feel like the changes were insincere… or were not even actually made… so I’m keeping my distance.  I also felt like he was making fun of with his joking around about it, so I’m a little peeved and suspicious.  We’ll see if he ever responds to my last text lol.

I’ve been struggling with life in general more than usual since Monday.  A coworker made a joke during our team meeting saying that he would prefer to do my job.  The joke was implying that my job was easier than his.  So… that just got me really offended and upset.  I asked my other coworker N if she felt it came off as belittling and she said it did, but that he has made similar jokes about the BSAs in the past so she didn’t think much of it.  I guess it was a big deal to me because that was the first time I heard it.  And Charley also hopped on that joke bandwagon, which I didn’t expect from him.  He has always been so nice and mild-mannered so it was a shock to me to have him make a joke like that right in front of my face.  And in front of the whole team!  I still get angry thinking about it.  I wanted to curse them out and say some very unprofessional things, but I just kept my mouth shut.  Now it feels awkward to me at work.  And I feel even less like doing a good job.

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