Yesterday I got hit with something I never expected from Dennis. He texted me last night and see outright that I wasn’t there for him when he needed me. I was so blown away, I couldn’t believe he would say that after everything I told him, after living with me for like 9 months, I just couldn’t believe it. I was so angry I was shaking. I could barely contain myself. He told me that he wanted someone that would understand that he’s tired after giving his all at work all day and that would fix him something to take for lunch and things like that. Which also blows my mind. #1 He’s 29 about to be 30 and he makes half of what I make as far as salary, but I’m supposed to be sympathetic to HIM with HIS precious little job. He’s going nuts giving his all at work and I’m supposed to be sympathetic to him not having anymore to give around the house?? Come on. #2 I WAS taking care of everything around the house. I was paying for the ENTIRE mortgage. I was making dinner for us every week night. I was doing all of the DIY stuff around the house like painting and small fix-its I was paying for ALL of the larger repairs and plumbers and dealing with the repairs 100% myself – i.e. making the calls, staying home from work to let them in, finding the best price, etc. And after all that King Dennis expects me to want to baby him and make him lunch??????
Then he tells me he doesn’t like to always be busy. When he comes home from work he just wants to relax. WELL DON’T WE ALL, PRECIOUS?!?!? I want to come home and relax too, but there are chores to do and bills to pay. And with basically only MY income supporting us, I was also trying to make extra money online by selling things and doing small jobs.
Even after sleeping on it overnight, I’m still furious.
I’m also super sad. I thought he just didn’t understand what he was doing. I thought after I explained everything to him, he’d change. And I thought he was sorry, because he apologized. But, then he says things like this which make me think that nothing has changed. He didn’t misunderstand anything, that’s just how he is. I just feel like an idiot for not seeing this in him sooner. I feel like I totally misunderstood him from the beginning. In the beginning, I truly thought he’d be the one I ended up marrying and spending my life with. But, I just had the wrong idea about him. And it sucks, because I still feel love for him and I still feel like… we almost could fix this? I miss him – the good him. The times when he was actually a good boyfriend and was sweet and loving. He just doesn’t understand that a relationship requires more than just being sweet and loving. You can be sweet and loving but then turn around and take advantage of them too. I don’t even know what to think now. Two days ago, I was trying to get him back. But, now… I can’t put up with this kind of behavior…
And let me tell you, he’s so broke right now even if we did get back together, I don’t think he’d even want to spend the gas money to come see me. Ugh, I feel like the carpet has been pulled out from under me. I don’t know what to think or do now. So sad… just so, so, so sad.
I feel worthless. After going through all that, he still doesn’t love me. He still doesn’t really want to be with me. He still doesn’t see the good in me and thinks I’m selfish, money-hungry, unloving and uncaring. I feel like there’s a hole in my heart. Honestly, I really loved him. Even after everything I still loved him and I wanted him to see that and do better. But, he’s not going to. He can’t see it. I feel like my heart is breaking all over again for like the 4th time.