I’m off work all of this week. I set up a mystery shop for today just to try to earn a bit of extra money. I also had my second chat with Scott this morning. My first chat with him was really invigorating, but this one was more depressing. I admitted that I was having some financial problems and that immediately changed the conversation up. He gave me some suggestions – 1) sell the house and take the hit financially so that I’ll be less stressed out and then I can move on to better things with my life. 2) For the time being, focus on selling high-value items only, get away from the small items that don’t bring much profit and just waste my time and efforts.
All of this is good advice, but it is a lot to take in at once. Those two things are BIG changes in my life. I feel overwhelmed and I don’t know how or where to begin. I had a real estate agent come by the house last week to give an approximate value that she thought it would sell for and it was $10k less than what I paid for it only 10 months ago. Which was, of course, shocking and hugely disappointing. But, she also gave me some ideas for staging the house. Some of them being move the furniture around to have better flow, put art on the walls, put up curtains, etc. And I was thinking about just putting up curtains today and I began pricing out curtain rods and curtains – and it’s soooo expensive! For someone who is struggling to find $50 extra per month, it’s a lot of money! And there are a billion options and styles and lengths and widths and omg it’s overwhelming!! And then I thought about decluttering and moving all of my inventory to a storage unit somewhere… and I already know from moving twice in the past 2 years that it’s a HUGE undertaking. It’s stressful and physically demanding. And if I do decide to sell the house, I’d need to get the inventory out of the house FAST. My usual technique to moving all the stuff is a slow, 1 month long process of taking several boxes in my car every day. I like to break it down into manageable chunks. But, I don’t think I’d be able to do it that way if I decide to sell.
What Scott said also made me feel like maybe the second, part-time job or all these side jobs isn’t a good answer to my problem. Which SUCKS. I have been obsessively spending all my spare time researching jobs and applying and doing microtasks online to make money etc etc. I feel like I just wasted a ton of time barking up the wrong tree.
All this has just drained the life out of me. I feel so tired and fearful and SAD. I’m sad that THIS has become my life now. One year ago, if you had asked me, I would have said my life is going in a better direction. Now, I would say that I’ve set myself back YEARS financially. I’m so, so, SO angry with myself. I don’t want to go through paying off $10k-20k in debt and THEN saving up $20k+ all over again from scratch for my next down-payment. I just want to scream my lungs out in frustration!!!!!!!
But, I want this stress to go away. Maybe in the end it will be the best thing for me. I just wish God would let me know what to do! The uncertainty of it is the worst part! I am praying, but so far no answer….
I feel like I’m out of ideas! I’m out of motivation to try anything further because nothing works out for me. Everything I try fails. I do all the right things, I pay off debt, I save money for years for a house, and I still get screwed. I feel utterly defeated.