Last Night

Last night was scary.  I had another sleep paralyzation episode.  It was about 3:15 am when I finally woke myself up.  I must have been having a dream about something because while I was trying to wake myself up, I thought I was in my parents house and that they were walking around the bed.  At least I didn’t think it was demons this time!  It was really hard to wake my body up.  I kept trying to relax and just go back to sleep, but my mind kept waking up and realizing that my body wouldn’t respond.  By the end of it, in my mind I was rolling around kicking and screaming, but when I actually woke up I was lying on my back and had barely uttered a sound.  I HATE THIS.  I was sooo tired and had a headache when I woke up, but I was scared to go back to sleep.  So I turned the lights in my bedroom on lol.

The episodes seem to have 2 things in common: Ambien and me sleeping on my back.  I took Ambien for about 3 nights in a row to get to sleep, but last night I didn’t take it at all. 

I’m getting a little worried because these sleep paralysis episodes didn’t start happening till about 2 years ago and they keep happening more and more frequently.

Tests From God

I’m reading Rick Warren’s “The Purpose Driven Life” and I’m on day 5.  The reflection questions are:

1. What has happened to me recently that I now realize was a test from God?

Depression most recently.  It’s been very bad and seemingly impossible to tolerate.  It must be some kind of test from God.  I’m not sure what he’s testing me for though or what the purpose of it is.

Less recently, my break up with Alain.  This test seems to be ongoing and the pain keeps popping up every so often.  I think God took him away from me because I loved Alain more than God.  Even when Alain and I were going out, I kept thinking that he would get taken away from me somehow because God wanted my attention.  Maybe my suspicions were right?

2. What are the greatest matters that God has entrusted to me?

I’m not sure about this… Money?  I’m not sure what a proper use for it is though.  Am I doing good with my money so far or not?  Gadget?  He’s one of the most precious things in the world to me and I try hard to treat him well.  But, I don’t understand why God would “entrust” me with a dog and call it a test lol.  Who knows!