Getting it Out

Feeling jealous!!! So jealous! Why is Toshi able to keep and make friends and not me? Why has that always always been so hard for me? Impossible for me? Why does it hurt more because it’s Ick? I know I used to like Ick, but not anymore! So why does it hurt? I’m so angry at myself. Why am I someone that no one wants to be friends with? Why am I such a withdrawn person? Why do I push people away? Why can’t I just be happy with myself? Why can’t I accept myself?