The Thinking I Did Today

So, I was doing some reading up about abandonment issues today at work (cuz I’m such a good employee) and I decided to make a list of the times I felt abandoned in my life and try to explain those times. So, here’s my lists:

Times I Felt Abandoned:
– When I was left at daycare in the morning. I remember feeling like my life was over and I was never going to see my parents again and that I was all alone in the world. I would cry and feel extremely depressed. Sometimes I was absolutely SURE that they would get into a car accident or something and I’d never see them again. I remember being a bit too old to be acting like this… I was much older than the other kids at daycare. Maybe middle school age.
– Anytime I had a any problem at school or whatever, I never felt like I could tell my parents about it. I would keep it to myself. Often, I wouldn’t even write it down in my diary (example: if someone made fun of me at school).
– During my teenage years I felt very criticized by both of my parents because of how I dressed and the music I listened to. I felt abandoned because I feel like my parents never tried to bridge the gap between us during those difficult years.
– When Alain left me for reasons I never fully understood.
– When I was made fun of at school for how I dressed/looked.
– When I was very young, my dad worked late a lot. Mom said I would always ask where Daddy was at bedtime and would give her trouble when she was trying to put me to bed because I wanted to see him before I went to sleep.
– When Ferdi left me because he was not over his ex. He left me with a crappy car and a broken toe! ugh. Anyway..

Other random notes:
– The first time I recall my dad ever saying that I was pretty was when I was in college.
– I was never able to allow my grandparents to take the emotional place of my parents so as to not feel abandonment when they left me with them everyday.

Reasons Why I Was Abandoned:
– My parents left me with babysitters, daycare, grandparents, alone, etc so that they could work and pay the bills to support me. They also were trying to save up money for me to go to college. They wanted me to have a better life than they did. They loved/love me.
– Alain left me because perhaps our relationship got old for him or perhaps because he found himself changing into a different person and we no longer made a good couple. Or perhaps I became too needy and dependent on him for love.
– My parents got mad at me for the way I dressed and the music I listened to during my teenage years because of how they grew up. They both grew up in religious households so when I dressed that way and listened to that music, they were afraid for me and my soul.
– Ferdi left me because he realized that he was not yet over his ex wife and didn’t want me to waste any more time on him. He also realized that he needed to take more time for himself to get over her.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *