I can’t stop thinking about Ferdi. As stupid as it sounds, I really thought he might be the one I settle down with. I was so dumb. There were so many signs that I didnt catch, but I’m seeing it now. Like when I asked him if his cat was afraid of dogs and he said that his cat had never seen a dog and he didnt want to even try it. And from the very first date he kept saying “you’re mine, you’re mine”. Probably trying to make up for the fact that his ex left him. And then when he got so upset about work and his failure in his marriage that one day last week… I knew that that didn’t sound right. He should’ve been over all that at this point.
I feel so depressed. I don’t know what to do. I feel like nothing is worthwhile anymore. I tried to put a profile up on pof.com, but I couldn’t even stop crying long enough to come up with a user name. I feel like I’m cheating on him by putting up a profile there. How stupid! I KNOW it’s stupid, but why do I still have feelings for him? I still love him. Why did I buy that stupid Jetta and change my hair to impress him? He didn’t do anything like that for me I wish I was a stronger person. But most of all I wish I had Ferdi back. I’m so so so dumbbbbbb.