Oh My God I Might Have a Friend

Haha yeah, the title says it all. So, one of my newer coworkers, Lisa, and I have been eating lunches together and going out for lunch since she started about a month ago. And then tonight she invited my boyfriend and I out with her and some of her friends to go bowling. It was the first time I had been out with friends in… almost a year! And I don’t even know if the last time should count since it was a guy from autox who didn’t really realize that I was in a relationship so I think it was actually kind of a date. But, anyway, I’m just really happy :) I’ve been wanting to make some friends here and after almost three years of living here, it’s finally happening!

Later this year will be 6 years…

Later this year will be the 6 year mark since Alain and I broke up. It’s so crazy how time flies. It feels like it was only a year ago or something. Soon that 6 years will turn to 10 then to 15. I hope I will stop counting by that time though lol. I really miss being truly loved and truly in love.

I just read through this conversation he and I had online that I had saved. I was very upset about how unpopular I was and how difficult I found making new friends to be and, honestly, I was being a royal bitch to him. He was trying to make me feel better and I kept lashing out at him and telling him he didn’t understand when I can see now that he did understand and he didn’t even get mad at my lashing out. He was so great sometimes. But, anyway, the whole point of me mentioning this was that reading his words today actually made me smile and feel kind of good about myself. He was telling me how all his friends thought I was such a great girlfriend and too good for him haha. My current relationship sucks in that I know I’m still a good girlfriend, but my bf doesn’t see it that way at all. I rarely bring up my self esteem issues to him because he #1 doesn’t seem to care much and #2 offers almost no response. Yeah, I know everybody’s different but it’s really hard not to compare the two… :-/ One was so satisfying and the other leaves a big, gaping hole in my life.