Work is Getting to Me

I’ve only been at this job for a month and I’m already starting to dislike it. I actually broke down and cried at work today, I was so frustrated. It was so embarrassing, but no one said anything except Christine who offered to go talk with me. They assigned me to this Citi one-click project and from day one I’ve just been confused. The project is already in production, but for whatever reason they had to make some changes so they made a new MKS issue and it got assigned to me because the other tester who worked on the project before is out on vacation for 2 weeks. I won’t go into a lot of detail, but the problem is that it’s been expressed to me that this is an important project and it can’t be fucked up and I’ve only been here a month and I’m the only tester assigned to it. Then the requirements analyst tries to tell me what I should test but it’s all over my head and she keeps going and going at a breakneck pace and I just get more and more panicked. Last week, I sent an email to both of my managers that I would need more help, but no other testers were formally assigned to me. Rabi is helping me when he can, but he is the #1 most difficult person to get a hold of in the entire office. I just need someone to be there to listen to what the RA and developer are saying because I’m not comprehending it yet. Every other tester is super busy so there’s no one else to help me besides Rabi..

Soooo the whole reason I ended up crying today was because.. well it started building when my one manager, Marvin, was at my cube trying to help me with another issue. We were going through one of the Trackits that I was having trouble with. He was going through code and asking me things like “what does this piece of code do?” and “why do we want that?” and I hate reading code, I hate coding, I’m just not good at it. So, I was getting frustrated and scared. Then, I had a meeting in my cube with the requirements analyst and my other manager Rabi, but when Iredan came over, Rabi was of course nowhere to be found. I was also getting IMs to go to a code review meeting and Marvin was telling me that I was on the invite when I wasn’t.. otherwise why would I schedule another meeting at the same time?? And I just got so pissed and frustrated and panicked and ended up crying. Christine took me outside and I talked for a while then came back up.

But, after my cry, things got better. When I came back up, Rabi and Iredan had already talked and looked through my testing scripts and said they all looked good and that the major issue was the 908 file that gets generated by the stored procedure. All the spacing was off, so the developer is going to look at it and fix it. Rabi also helped me figure out why my data in smoke wasn’t getting picked up by the stored procedure.. so that’s good. Now I have more direction and know what to do next.

In any case, I’m frustrated with work. I was assigned something that I felt was too big and over my head and then left out to dry.