Iguana no Musume

I’m watching this drama about a girl whose mother sees her as an iguana and treats her horribly while showering her sister with affection. The girl ends up being this really shy, un-confident girl who gets taken advantage of a lot. It sounds like a weird and dumb premise for a drama, but I feel like I can really relate to the girl. I was just like her in high school. I was always alone and too shy to stand up for myself when I got picked on. I also hated looking in a mirror because I thought I looked freakishly ugly. I was afraid to do anything. And just like in the drama, a boy came along and saved me from myself lol. My story didn’t have a nice happy ending though… that boy ended up leaving me and doing a lot of damage along the way.

I’ve been thinking about that boy a bit more frequently than usual.. The more I reflect on it the more I realize that he probably spent about 2/3 of our relationship wanting out of the relationship. While I was deeply in love with him and clueless he was trying to come up with ways to avoid me or make me into the bad guy. It’s really difficult for me to come to terms with the fact that, what I had believed for several years to be THE love of my life, was actually a sham and not at all what I thought it was. I was never as special to him as he was to me and he was never as in love with me as I was with him. For a while after he dumped me I went on believing that he was the love of my life and that I’d never experience that kind of love again. Now I’m seeing that he wasn’t really the love of my life.. and that I might never experience that kind of love.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s actually my own fault.. if I get too bored with my significant other too soon and ruin it myself. I don’t know :(

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