Feeling Down

I’m feeling kind of down right now. I guess I’m just wondering if Toshi and I are right for each other. I don’t feel the same strong love for him that I felt for Alain. I wonder why some people get to find and spend their lives with their true loves and I don’t. I’m not saying Alain was my true love. In fact, I’m saying something more along the lines of: there is no true love for me in this life. And it’s not fair because that’s the one thing I want most.

Yeah, I know it’s my own damn fault for not being able to get myself out there and meet people and open up to people. But, that’s a scary thing and every time I do it it always blows up in my face.