New Dubs and Other Stuff

So I bought some awesome Tenzo R GT6 wheels and tires on Craigslist for $700 last week. Toshi and I put them on tonight and they look great!! I can’t wait to take pics of them and show people. Nobody else really cares about them except for me but I’ll still force the pics upon people lol.

Things seem to be going better with Toshi and I. We’re doing more things outside of the house together and he wants to extend our pre-approval for the mortgage we applied for instead of just letting it go. I was screaming with happiness inside when he said that! :) Not outloud of course :)

Work has been a bitch this week. On Monday I woke up late, at 6am, so I got to work at 7. No one said anything, but I still had to make up an hour worth of work this week. Then on Tuesday I had to stay 2 hrs late to wait around for some FAC testing to be completed and all I had to do was send an email once it was complete… yeah a huge waste of my time. Wednesday, crazy Yvonne had an issue during training and it took me 2 hours to fix it because Brent gave me all the files (missing some of course) and said “ok here ya go, good luck!” and I had never upgraded a database before. I personally think my boss, PJ, should have stepped in and done more or at least talked to Yvonne while I was fixing the issue. He didn’t even get involved. Then later on on Wednesday, there was a problem with the export file for the FAC update. After I placed the export file in the directory, someone changed the file name to the old naming convention. So, my boss’ boss, Mike emails me and PJ of course emails me and everyone’s like “didn’t you test this?? why doesn’t it work??” So, I look into it and lo and behold someone changed the name AFTER I had left for the day on Tuesday. The only person who knew to go to that directory was PJ… guess who changed it probably? PJ. So, I sent out an email to Mike and PJ and the testing team explaining that somehow the file name was changed, but its changed back now and should be all good. PJ never stepped up and admitted he changed it. All I got was an email back from Mike saying to be careful what we send to the testing team. I don’t know what was wrong with what I sent, but I only sent it to them because Schuppin said to. Then today, I left at a normal time in the morning but their was ridiculous traffic for NO reason. It took me 20 minutes just to get to 66… 66 was packed and then all of a sudden traffic just dissipates. Let’s hope Friday goes smoother..

I’m Back!

Amazing that I haven’t written in here for 6 months. I guess I only really need to when I’m feeling really horrible. Like right now lol. I’ve been really emotional about a lot of things the past few weeks. On Monday of this week I had the worst time going to work. I just did NOT want to go. I realized how much I hated it. I mean there’s nothing THAT horrible about it, but the problem is that I don’t DO anything. They give me so few tasks that I have 7 out of 8 hours of free time in a typical day. Also, about 2 weeks ago a BUNCH of people just all left the project at once. About 4-5 key people. Including the guy that was supposed to teach me all about my job and be my mentor. And at that time Feraz (the only other technical person I’m really working with) began his 3.5 week vacation. So, I’m at work all by myself with no one to talk to and nothing to do. It’s getting to me. And what else is getting to me is Schupin. I don’t even know what he does really, but he’s senior to me (I don’t even know if he’s one of my bosses or what!). He’s very annoying; comes into my office even when he sees I’m busy and starts having a non-work related conversation. Today he really pissed me off when he came in and asked me if some particular server was running 609L1. I said I didn’t know and he looks at me like “well why the hell not??” It pisses me off because #1 Schupin is a pain in the ass and I don’t like him anyway and #2 Matt was supposed to teach me all this stuff, but he barely spent any time with me except for the first day. Sure, sure “you learn by doing”. But that only works if he give me something to DO! *growl grumble*

Another, more important issue is that last week Toshi and I had a talk about our relationship and how it’s not as romantic and interesting as it was when we first got together. We also very rarely have sex… maybe once a month. So I told him the reason I don’t feel in the mood for sex often is that he doesn’t compliment me hardly at all and it leaves me feeling unattractive and unwanted. He tells me the reason he doesn’t feel in the mood is because I don’t initiate sex ever and he feels unwanted. To me, the resolution seems clear: we both step out on a ledge and do something we’re not used to. He compliments me more and I initiate sex. So, that’s what I think we’re trying to do. However since then I’ve only gotten about one compliment.. :( I have a bad feeling that I can’t shake that we’re going to eventually end up breaking up. And it really sucks because we almost got a house together a few weeks ago. I thought we were in it for the long haul, but now he’s not ready to commit to me and get a house with me. I was really bummed when he actually said that to me last night. I just want someone to love me for me no matter what. It feels like that’s not the case here. I’m really terrified.. I don’t want to go through another heart-wrenching breakup. The last one fucked me up for 2-3 years.. who knows how long this one will mess me up. And if he leaves me, well, I really don’t have anyone else down here. All my family and old friends are in PA. I haven’t made any new friends down here. I don’t even have anyone to talk to in passing at home or on my way home. How do I always get into these situations ? :(