Will I Ever Be Happy?

I have been wondering if I will ever really, truly be happy. I feel like there’s just something missing in my life and I don’t know what it is. But, I feel that if I had whatever it is that is missing, I’d be perfectly content and happy. I just wish I knew what it was..

I’ve been getting really into Japanese dramas and Japanese culture lately. I’ve been downloading the dramas like crazy and watching them almost constantly. I think I’m so interested in them because I wish I was a part of them. All the characters are part of something big and they have a purpose. Their lives are interesting and noteworthy.

Maybe what’s missing is purpose, adventure and excitement. I’ve never had a defining moment in my life, like the people in the dramas have. Maybe that’s what’s missing. My life is so boring and uneventful. The biggest event in a week is going out to eat at a restaurant or something of the same caliber. It’s pathetic and DULL and BORINGGGG. I want something more!

So Embarassing :(

I still can’t believe this actually happened…

So, I was having problems with the homework assignment in 472 (I know, I know, what else is new?) so I sent my code to the professor and went to his office hours today. I normally try to avoid going to his office because he always makes me feel dumb and of course today was no exception. So I go there and he starts going through my program and asking me all kinds of questions about the sample program that he gave us. And I didn’t know most of the answers, and I didn’t see how they were relevant either, but I still listened and tried to answer. Finally, I guess the frustration of not knowing the answers to questions that I thought I should have known got to me and I started crying. Right there in his office. What else is odd is that he just kept talking like nothing was out of the ordinary and I know that he saw me crying. But, anyway, I just couldn’t stop crying. I was so embarrassed, but I couldn’t stop crying lol. The good part is that he actually did my program for me, haha! He fixed the program up and emailed it to me. While I sat there crying hahah. Oh man it was such a weird situation. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry about it.

So Embarassing :(

I still can’t believe this actually happened…

So, I was having problems with the homework assignment in 472 (I know, I know, what else is new?) so I sent my code to the professor and went to his office hours today. I normally try to avoid going to his office because he always makes me feel dumb and of course today was no exception. So I go there and he starts going through my program and asking me all kinds of questions about the sample program that he gave us. And I didn’t know most of the answers, and I didn’t see how they were relevant either, but I still listened and tried to answer. Finally, I guess the frustration of not knowing the answers to questions that I thought I should have known got to me and I started crying. Right there in his office. What else is odd is that he just kept talking like nothing was out of the ordinary and I know that he saw me crying. But, anyway, I just couldn’t stop crying. I was so embarrassed, but I couldn’t stop crying lol. The good part is that he actually did my program for me, haha! He fixed the program up and emailed it to me. While I sat there crying hahah. Oh man it was such a weird situation. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry about it.

I am so frustrated right now

I’m so frustrated right now!!! I have a 472 project due tonight and I don’t know how to get it working right and of course the teacher and the TA don’t answer their email on the weekend. It’s always fucking like this. I don’t have enough time to start ANYTHING early because there’s ALWAYS a project or homework assignment due. I started this project Friday night, worked on it a lot yesterday and finally came to a dead end. I emailed the teacher and the TA all my questions and problems but neither responded. If I turn the project in as it is now, it’s going to get me yet another 30% or less because it’s not even close to finished. I don’t think Choi will give me another extension because he already gave me one before. And I really needed an A on this project. I’ve been keeping track of my grades and I’m getting D’s or F’s in everything right now. I really want to do well and I’ve been doing my best but its like.. impossible. I don’t know what to do right now. I have tried everything I can think of to get this stupid program to work and I don’t know why it’s not working. And there’s no one to help me. I guess what I’ll do is turn it in as it is and email Choi asking for an extension. Of course I’ll have to email him 3 times for a response, but I’ll still do it. Meanwhile I’ll go bawl my eyes out.