I have an 8am class tomorrow (actually today), but I can’t sleep! For some reason all I can think about right now is that I missed out on having a lot of fun at college. Most people going to college, make a lot of friends, go to parties, do homework with friends, etc. I think throughout my whole college experience, I only made one real friend. But, she and I are not even that close. I know once I move away for my career, we’ll never talk or write or see each other again. I think she and I both know that. But, anyway, I feel that for some reason I didn’t have the typical, fun college experience. I think the major reasons why are that I didn’t live in the dorms for the first two years here and I started at a smaller, branch campus. I think if I had come to the main campus and lived in the dorms, I would’ve made a lot of friends right off the bat. I heard that if you just leave your door open, people will just walk by and introduce themselves. Nobody ever did that at any of the dorms that I lived in last year and the year before. I think I’m a nice person and that, although I’m shy, I deserve to have a lot of friends. I deserve to have some fun. Right now, I really wish I could re-enroll at some college somewhere and move there as a freshman and start all over. I would take more risks socially and hopefully come away with some friends.
I guess I’m thinking about this right now because I feel extremely deprived for friends and social interactions. The one person I talk to in classes (Neil) seems to dislike me half the time. And I’m so bogged down with homeworks and projects that even if I had friends I wouldn’t be able to spend much time with them unless they were in my classes and working on the same projects as I am. The highlight of my week (socially) is physics lab because I’m in a group with these two other girls and they’re a lot of fun. I can joke around with them and talk and that’s the only time I get to do things like that. I can’t really do that with Tian because of the language and culture barriers. With my friends at home, it’s hard to come up with things to say now because our lives are so different and we no longer have anything in common. And it seems like the guys in my CSE classes have either no sense of humor or a completely different sense of humor than I do, and I just don’t get them. It seems like they’re all so serious and too focused on work. The girls are the same way. But, the girls in my physics group are awesome and a lot of fun. Unfortunately, getting together with them once a week for a few hours isn’t really enough for me to call them friends and I think we only have one lab left so.. that will soon come to an end I just want some girl friends to hang out with!!!