I Just Don’t Know

Sometimes I don’t know why I’m with Alain at all. I feel like I’m his last priority and that he doesn’t want to hang out with me. He chooses his friends over me, especially Viraj. He talks to Viraj more on the phone than he does with me. He lives with Viraj and has almost every class with him and still he wants to spend more time with him than he does with me. He doesn’t care about how I feel either. I don’t think he’s interested in me anymore. Well, whatever, I gotta get back to school work.

Hello Again

Been a while since I wrote in here huh?

Two weeks ago tomorrow I quit my job at Enterprise. I’m pretty sure Nick had a problem with me since day one and Bret is easy to convince. In fact, now that I think about it, at one point Bret stopped being so talkative and friendly towards me especially around Nick. I didn’t know why, but maybe it was because he was talking about me behind my back. Another weird thing was that a few weeks ago when I still worked there, I had a dream about Nick. In the dream, he was joking and teasing me playfully to my face but then I caught him just watching me through a window. In the dream I thought to myself “well maybe he likes me.” But after all that went down at Enterprise the dream has a new meaning. Maybe in my dream Nick was actually spying on me like he was doing in real life. If only I had understood it then…

Things haven’t been very pleasant so far this semester. Alain’s schedule and my schedule don’t leave much time for us to get together. And now Alain got another job and wants to work on the weekends so we’ll pretty much get to see each other two hours a week if that. I’m incredibly lonely. We were supposed to see a movie tomorrow night but he has to train for his new job… We also made some tentative plans to go see a show upstate, but I’m not so sure that will happen either.

Sometimes it’s hard to think of reasons to keep going… like keep going to school… keep doing things. What’s the point if no one cares about me?