This Past Week or So..

I can’t even remember the last time I wrote in here, even though it hasn’t been much more than a week. Last Friday my dad and I went to a Pirates/Brewers baseball game. It was my dad’s father’s day present from me (ie my mom lol). I wasn’t expecting the game to be fun at all and I was tired from working 8 hours at work beforehand, but I put on a happy face and cheerful attitude for dad. We actually didn’t get into any major fights like I expected us to do. And the game itself was enjoyable. During the time betwenn innings, the Pirate Parrot danced and did some backflips and some kids that worked for the Pirates threw t-shirts at the fans. The Pirates won 7-2 which was really exciting. After the game there were some really awesome fireworks. We were sitting on the left side of homeplate, about 20 rows up and the fireworks were directly in front of us, so we had a PERFECT view. I was seriously afraid the sparks were going to rain down on us. But once I realized that they weren’t, the fireworks show was really beautiful. There was music playing in the background and the fireworks kinda went with it.

Other things happened this week, but either I can’t remember what they are or I don’t want to record them so I can forget them easier.

I am so clumsy at work. I realized today how much I trip over things, how often I hit my head on the cars, and how much I talk to myself too lol. And I felt like such an idiot today when I was cleaning a car and two of the younger guys taht work at Bowser came over. One of them needed to vac a car, the other I guess needed to move a car that I was blocking. Any of the other (older) guys that work there would ask me to move the car politely. But neither one of these guys said anything, they just stood there watching me. But, I did know that they needed me to move, so I tried to hurry. In my haste I tripped over the vac cord while they were both staring at me. I felt like such an idiot.. I almost cried. I mean it’s kind of funny to think about how dumb I looked now, but for a few mins after that I was realy upset. I don’t see why this should upset me much though.. I’ve already made a complete ass out of myself in front of them before anyway.

I only have one more day of calculus (tomorrow) and then Friday is the final. I’ll just be soo happy when this class is over! I’ll have less things to worry about and I’ll be able to focus on SPCOM 100C, which is a little more interesting to me.

Modeling Agency

I went to work today for 4 hours to make up for the hours I’ll be losing tomorrow, next Monday and next Friday. A few hours after I got home, I got a phone call from the John Robert Powers Modeling Agency/School (I don’t know what the fuck it is). They asked if anyone was interested in an audition for a commercial, so I said yeah why not. She signed me up for this Sunday at 1:45pm and told me about how the audition would go. It sounded ok to me, not too stressful and perfectly normal. But then I searched online and I found out that they’ve been scamming people with their classes and audtions. It’s a good thing I didn’t get all that excited about it :)

Well, other than work and the phone call, not much else happened today. Alain’s been taking a lot more hours at Jefferson’s Ferry and also at his new job at Dockside, so I only get to talk to him online a little at night before bed. It sucks so far and I’m pretty lonely right now…

That older guy, Jim, at work is really persistant with the “hey baby, you and me at the pub next week” shit. I don’t know what to say/do about that. Today, I just avoided him. I only saw him once, on my way out, but I snuck into the bathroom to avoid talking to him. On my way to work, I was getting myself all worked up thinking about what I’d like to say to him, but when he actually came around, I ran lol.

Yesterday and Today

Yesterday I went to a dog handling class at Animal Friends. I walked THE CUTEST puppy! I loved him. I don’t know what kind he was and he didnt have a name. I don’t even know if it was a him or not. We walked around the strip district with a “Big Dog” which was a current volunteer with more experience than us and two other girls. I felt so bad for the dog too cuz when we got near the shelter he didn’t want to go back in and I had to drag him in :( I wish I could keep him :'( He had a brother or sister, but someone else walked them. Also, while out walking a bird pooped on me. Right on my hand. It was so nasty. For a split second I believe I thought it was raining because the poop was so cool and wet. Ok enough talking about that.

Today was Joe’s first day back since his week vacation. He seems to bring bad days with him. I swear nothing went wrong when Brett was there, but when Joe’s there everyday something bad happens to ME. Today at the very end of the day after a whole day of telling me that “I don’t have to do the cars now” and to “pace myself” he piles up about 4 cars on me in the last two hours. But lucky (or unlucky) for me, someone parked their car right in front of the vacuum cleaner so I couldn’t vac any of the cars. I sat there waiting for them to move for about 15 mins, because I’ve never seen anyone actually PARK there. Usually it’s only for a few seconds, but this guy left it there till closing time. What pissed me off was that after waiting 5-10 mins, I went into the body shop and asked about the car and asked someone to move it. The guy I talked to said ok and I went back out to wait for him to move it. But no one ever came. So 5 mins later I went back to talk to the same guy. He says “oh no one came?” and he looks around and thats it. He just goes back to what he’s doing. I really really really wanted to key that car up

then drive the Silverado into it. Then park the truck as close as possible so he couldn’t even get it out. But I didn’t do any of those for fear of being caught and fired.

Alone

Well, here goes another Saturday (and Friday) night alone. Just as it has been for years and probably always will be.

I feel so completely alone right now. If friends are people you talk to once a day or once every other day, then I have none except for Alain. I love Alain very much but I can’t be expected to live on one friend. Especialy one whom I believe doesn’t even understand where I’m coming from sometimes.

The weekends seem to be the loneliest times though, even though I look forward to them just to get a break from work and school. My parents usually want to go out most of the day on the weekends so I come home from work to an empty house. And sometimes Alain’s not even on then, so it’s pretty lonely for a while. Strangely enough, those are the times I find it the hardest to find something to do to distract myself. Sometimes I just sit at the computer and stare at the desktop feeling numb.

I wish I had someone to talk to. Maybe there’s just something wrong wtih me though because it seems like whenever I start talking to someone their response isn’t what I wanted and I end up feeling worse or dissappointed. I just wish I had one really close special friend who really really understood me and I them. It would be great to have someone to hug me and comfort me even when I’m crying in private. Instead of crying in my cold bathwater and hugging my knees I could actually have a real person to hug. I wouldn’t have to pretend that my cold, goosepimpled legs were another person.

I feel like an outcast. An outcast from the outcasts. In movies the outcast usually seemes to find a group of people just like him/her and doesn’t feel so alone in the end. Yay.. happy ending for them. Where’s my group? I don’t think they’re coming. Life doesn’t have happy endings and friends. They should make a movie about an outcast who never finds his/her niche or clique. Just to show people that there isn’t always a happy ending.. or even a definate end at all. Maybe real life wouldn’t be such a disappointment to ppl then. lol I’m sure the movie wouldn’t sell though. It would also be pretty dull.

Work is So Good Without Joe!

This past week work has been great! I liked Joe last week and I actually thought having Brett there would suck worse than having Joe there, but I was wrong. Brett is much more relaxed and not a dick. I wish he could stay there with me indefinately. Or even Colin or anyone else except Joe. I was talking to Colin for a few moments today and he said he wished he could work at Bowser because it would be easier and I told him he should try to get transfered there. I don’t think he will though :(

I took the typing part of the post office test today. I passed and got a rating of “eligible high.” Which means about 7 correct lines per minute or more. I guess I did well :) Tomorrow I have a dog handling class at Animal Friends. I’m not looking forward to it. I would much rather sleep in tomorrow.