Visiting Grandma – 59th Wedding Anniversary

Today was my grandparents 59th wedding anniversary. Dad and I went to pick grandpa up at his house and then went to the home to see grandma. I hate going there a lot because the people there are so annoying. I want to be alone with just the family and there’s always one of the other patients around talking nonstop about who knows what. This one lady was there most of the time and she talked nearly nonstop, even if other ppl were talking right over her and not even looking at her. We took pics of grandma and grandpa together and one with me in the pic and one with dad in the pic. I remember their 50th anniversary..though I can’t remember exactly how bad grandma was at that point. Next year will be their 60th. I wonder if we’ll do anything special for them like for their 50th..

I’ve been reading Reader’s Digest a lot lately. It’s weird.. grandpa was buying me a subscription to it for like 2 years and I never read it, and now it’s addressed to dad (I don’t know why) and now I want to read every issue! lol

I am going to see Alain on the June 20th. I really really wanted to drive up (rent a car or take my own), but I don’t think it will work out. Now I’m thinking about leaving earlier – like two days earlier and skipping class on Thursday.

I finally got around to telling dad that I’m going to get my hair cut short. I asked him what he thought about it and he said “you know what I think about it or you wouldn’t be asking me.” After that, I didn’t get much of a response about it and next time I saw him (15 mins later) he didn’t talk about it at all. I’m going to get it cut either tomorrow or Friday. I’m really nervous about it….. I don’t want it to look bad, but I have no way of knowing how it will look until I get it done.

Friday I am taking a test for a job at the post office as a data entry person type thingie…lol This test seems a little harder than the one I took before. On the practice tests I missed a few of the questions.. I think there’s also a typing portion of the test. I don’t think I’m going to do too good on that. I always crack under pressure with that type of thing.

Ok I’m damn tired..goodnight.

I have the best boyfriend

Yeah, it’s true just like the song says: “sometimes I love ya..sometimes you make me blue” or somethign like that… lol. Right now I love him so much and I think he’s the best. The only real reason I think he’s so awesome right now is because he said he was going to take me out to dinner when I came to see him :) It’s sweet, because I think he’s definatly going to do it and a lot of times he just talks about doing stuff, but we end up not doing it. I think he’s actualy making room in his schedule/wallet for it and that makes me happy :) Oh and another thing: Alain left early for bed tonight..nothing new I know.. but tonight he apologized a lot and actually seemed sorry for leaving me so early! Sooo sweet! *loves him so much*

This sucks

This relationship sucks too much. I don’t like it. I feel so alone when I need to be with someone the most. I’m not even talking about the physical distance between Alain and I. That’s not that much of a problem for me…it’s tolerable. But when I have a problem he’s the complete opposite of helpful and compassionate. I guess he thinks his version of “tough-love” (meaning putting me down, telling me to “get over it” and that he can’t do anything about it so stop bothering him with it) is helping me. But it’s not. I feel depressed so much, and when I’m happy it has nothing to do with something he’s said or done. It’s because of me. As of today, I have to start living for myself and by myself because I can’t depend on anyone but myself. I don’t think people are supposed to think like this, but it seems like my only choice now. He doesn’t listen to me and doesn’t want to listen to me, so I can’t force him to anymore. If I have anything to say it’ll come to this diary and I’ll keep it to myself. He’s getting what he wanted I guess.

More Problems

Alain and I had another fight tonight. I don’t know what’s going on. I just get so frustrated with him sometimes. It’s just been more frequent lately. Probably because I can’t hug and kiss him when I need to to help us stop fighting. :( 20 days till I go to NY for just 3 days.

I hit my knee really hard today while trying to get into a Dodge Durango. I have a big bruise there and everytime I bend my knee and put pressure on it, it hurts and feels really sore… I think I just need to exercise more somehow. I’ll try the bike tomorrow.. yeah :)