Today was my first 10 hour workday. It wasn’t that bad. Except for a few things: I came in 30 mins late, when a Mitsubishi Mirage needed fuel, I couldn’t figure out how to open the gas..thingie so I had to drive all the way back to the office and then the fuel card I tried to use didn’t work even after 4-5 attempts. I ended up paying for the gas with cash. I also think Joe was pissed off all day cuz he was kinda rude when I said I couldn’t back the F-150 out of the parking spot. He said “if you want more hours you’re going to need to learn how to drive these trucks.” He wasn’t joking so I thought that was kind of rude. Well I can’t think of anything else to say so……


I really like my job. Yesterday I finally got my 7 uniforms. The shirts are too big (even though they’re smalls), but the pants fit ok. I don’t like working outside in the heat, but with the car turned on and the AC on, it’s kind of ok. Another perk is the 4-5 cute guys that work there. I’ve never actually talked to them, and I don’t really care if I ever do, but I like to look. There’s one in particular that I find myself interested in. I think his name is Sean or something. He’s not cute like the other guys that work there are cute. He looks younger and looks kind of dorky. But kinda hardcore dorky. He has glasses (not emo glasses though) and black hair (not dyed). He’s pretty skinny and lanky and has bad posture. Sounds pretty hot eh?? lol Also, the guys I work with (Bret and Joe) are getting more comfortable with me and I with them, so it’s kind of fun being around them.

I’m Home

Well, I’m home now. Amtrak went pretty well. The seats and everything are comfortable (not for really long periods of time though) and the people are nice. And of course I could get up and walk around whenever I wanted basically. There was a food and lounge car which was pretty cool, but I didn’t use really. I just bought an orange juice and went back to my seat. The girl that sat next to me seemed really nice, but I was glad that she was in the lounge nearly the whole trip. She apparently made a number of friends and played Simpsons Pictionary with them. The only bad thing about the trip was that we had a few delays which resulted in the train arriving in Pittsburgh and hour and five minutes late. The first unexpected delay was when we had to stop and pick up a few extra train cars and take them along with us. The second delay happened when these cars went off in the radar and told the conductor that there was something wrong with them. The workers had to get off the train and check it out. The third delay was when the cars went off in the radar again and we finaly had to let them go. The last delay was the longest – about 30 mins. We had other random delays that were never explained. Those times we just stopped for a few minutes and no one knew why. Maybe just letting another train pass or cross us. We took a lot of stops especially between Harrisburg and Pittsburgh. We stopped at about 6 or more places. But getting to Harrisburg from NYC was really fast. Even with about 4-5 stops we got there in four hours. Next time I take Amtrak, I’ll get off at Harrisburg and drive home or something. It’s only three hours away.. there’s no reason why I should have to sit on the train for twice that or longer.

My stay at Alain’s house was ok. We did the normal stuff: the mall, thrift stores, fast food everyday, etc. We also went to Planet Hollywood in Manhatten. I wish Alain would have wanted to spend more time in Manhatten and I also wish we went on some day other than Sunday so the stores would have been open. I also wish that he meant what he said a while ago… I told Alain that I didn’t think he treated me right and he said it was because we’re so far away and we only talk online and it was hard for him to treat me better. He then said he would make it up to me when I came to his house. When I brought this up at his house he denied saying it and, of course, didn’t make it up to me. I love him SOOO much, but I don’t like him sometimes.

I drove to NY in my dad’s car (with dad there of course). It was a realy fast and easy ride until we got near NYC. The roads got confusing and we got a little lost in NJ and then in NY. We also ran into a lot of traffic near the George Washington Bridge. When we finally got to the tollbooths there, we discovered the back up was because there were about 5-6 EZ Pass lanes open, but only 2 cash lanes open and everyone needed to use cash. The overall drive sucked because dad was constantly making comments and judging what I was doing and freaking out everytime something happened. I definatly wouldnt mind driving it again, but since we got lost all those times, I don’t think I could remember how to get there correctly. Plus I dont think I’ll ever have a car good enough to drive there and back. Driving there helped me to realize that NY isn’t as great as Alain says it is. And the area lost some of its appeal to me. Honestly, I used to be a little afraid of the people there because I expected them to be rude to me, but after the drive there and getting pissed off and realizing that NY isn’t better than PA (in my opinion, it’s almost the other way around) I wasn’t afraid anymore. I got a little more confidence in myself.

Well, I have to do some math homework because I didn’t do ANY while I was in NY. I really should have because i have 8 more sections that I haven’t even seen and the test is in two days… 😮

Leaving NY Again…

Tomorrow (actually later today) I’ll be leaving NY again.. I’m taking Amtrak home this time. I hope it’s better than Greyhound. I think it will be.. at least it sounds like it from the website…

The overall experience here in NY with Alain was good. We didn’t do much, but what we did do was fun. I’m really tired right now so I won’t get into detail. I really wish I could stay here longer.. :( I won’t be able to see Alain for like two months now… But maybe not.. Maybe I’ll come back later on this summer. I hope so.. Even if I can’t afford it.

I’ll tell you how the Amtrak thing went tomorrow evening (I get to Pittsburgh at 10PM).


NOTHING brings me happiness! Not even Alain! Who was I kidding??? Have I forgotten that he brings me twice as much misery as happiness??? I remember now…This relationship sucks. I dont want to be in it anymore. He doesn’t give a crap about what I do or how my day was or anything. Oh yeah boo hoo “I’m a bad boyfriend :( I’m sorry” then the next day nothing’s changed. Nothing even changed the same day. FUCK HIM. FUCK ME FOR BEING WITH HIM. FUCK ME FUCK HIM FUCK US ALL. FUck me for being too chicken to leave stupid fucking bitch dumbass. I honestly fucking hate my life and everything about it. From my disgusting hair right down to my crooked, callosed toes. I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m going to bed goodnight

Hey There…

I’m just reading some of my calculus book. I’m leaving for NY the day after tomorrow. I’m looking forward to it, but at the same time I don’t want Wednesday to ever come. Not because I’m not DYING to see Alain, but simply because once I get there, time will go so fast and it’ll be over before I’m satisfied. I want to stay with Alain forever. I want to constantly be at his side because he makes me so happy. Noone else, nothing else makes me happy anymore except him. He just came online.. I’m gonna go talk to him…

Volunteering Sucks and is a Waste of My Time

I went to Animal Friends today to volunteer. I planned on staying till they closed (5pm), but I couldn’t stand it and I left an hour after I got there. I can only play with the cats so that’s what I tried to do. There were soooo many people in that one room. I hated it. Everyone going “awwww.. so cute” every five seconds. With so many people around, the cats wouldn’t come out of the cages. Then half the time I was there was feeding time so they had to go back in their cages. After the cats were done eating, I let a cat named Joshua out. He soon jumped up on the food cart and got me in trouble. So I left a few mins after that. I’m definatly not doing that crap again. I’ll try walking dogs, but if that’s shitty too I’m going to give up. I just hate being in contact with people. It makes me so uncomfortable and I can’t stand it. I just want to run. My mom and dad want me to volunteer, but all the volunteer places expect you to have a lot of contact with people… I don’t know what I’m going to do. Me volunteering is pointless. I won’t gain anything from it and it just frustrates me and pisses me off. At a job interview someone’s going to ask something like “how did you enjoy volunteering at such and such a place” and all I’m going to have is “it really fucking sucked. It was a huge waste of my time. I hated every moment of it. It was pure torture.”

Nothing, Nothing, Nothing….

I’m feeling sad again all of a sudden. I”m just completely sick and disgusted with the world for no reason. Nothing bad happened to me today. I don’t have anything I want when everyone around e has what they want and even what I want. I’m not happy with my life, my friends, my job, my status. I’m only happy with my boyfriend and my parents. That’s it… :( I don’t even like myself. I dont even feel like writing this anymore..

Yesterday and Today

Yesterday was a really busy day. I had to wake up at 6am so I could go down to Keystone Commons to take a Post Office exam at 8am. I got there pretty early because the directions told me to, but I still had to wait in line for about 20-30 mins and then inside in the testing area for another 20 mins. The test went quickly once we began. I think I did well on it, but you can never be too sure…

Then I had work from 11-6. I told them I might be late, but I still got there right on time.. Actually 5 mins ahead of time. I got my first paycheck too. It was for $162. That’s all I have to go on vacation with. :( I think I’m going to have to continue to work during the school year so I’ll have money at times like this. I really really need to save up a few hundred dollars by this time next year so I can take another class or two at CCAC. Speaking of which… I should get to work on my calc homework sometime soon..blah.. Oh, I still haven’t gotten my fucking uniform yet. It’s been nearly 4 weeks and I’ve been wearing the same pants to work everyday for the entire time.. I know ppl notice, but I don’t have anything else to wear.

While at work, I called Carrie to confirm our plans for the evening. She wasn’t home, but she was at a neighbor’s house so I was put on hold for like 20 mins. Finally when I talk to her, she tells me that she won’t go out with me so I felt like a dumbass getting shot down at work with people there. Everyone was talking about their plans for the evening, and there I was getting blown off by a friend (probably for some little kids mind you).

So when I finally left work, I came home as fast as I could and asked Jill if she would come with me to get my hair cut. After a 5 min discussion on whether or not her boyfriend would be mad if she went, she decided to come. We go to the mall… I talk to the stylist and she cuts my hair. At first, I don’t like it because it’s too plain. Like all it did was go straight down and flip out. So I told them that I didn’t like it because it was too plain and she cut some more and she came up with a realy nice style. She styled it so that the ends flipped out again, but even now without all the styling it still looks decent. It’s really easy to manage and it’s pretty comfortable. I’m very pleased with it :)

Today seems like such a long day. It seems like forever ago that I was at work. But I worked from 9-1 today. Then, I came home and talked to Alain a little bit until Grandpa called. He got a flat tire and was at Giant Eagle and needed a ride home. So I went to pick him up and I got back home in about 30 mins or less. I’ve been soooo tired all day! Then later on after ALain went to work, Jill asked me to do something with her so we went out to see Old School and the Maxi Saver Theater ($1.50 movies woo!). THe movie completely sucked because there was a lady in teh row behind us screaming and laughing so loud that it was completly distracting us from the movie. I couldn’t even hear the movie when she was laughing. And once she started laughing, the whole theater would laugh at her and that made it even louder. And when she wasn’t laughing obnoxiously, someone (or her) would be talking. I was really glad when the movie was over.. It wasn’t all that funny anyway.