I’m soo tired. Today I was actually busy at work. It wouldnt have been so bad if I didn’t have to get up so early in the freaking morning! I mean all I do is wash cars out it’s not that hard, but I was so tired in the first place that it was almost unbearable.
I’m just about to send in my first assignment for SPCOM 100C. I’m kind of nervous because I don’t know if my answers to her questions are good enough and I don’t feel comfortable calling someone up that I don’t know personally. But oh well, I’m gonna go do it. Wish me luck! *wishes herself luck*
Wow today is a good day. First, let me tell you that Alain and I had a long conversation last night and we solved the problem that we had earlier this week. Now, on to what happened today…
A few minutes after I woke up this morning, I got a call from Dave & Busters to set up an interview!! Then I went out with Carrie, which I always enjoy, even though we were both tired as hell. We tried on some awesome 50s style dresses in JCPenny then at the food court I saw that kid Mike that I used to work with at CK’s Pretzel Works. He looks exactly the same. I’m surprised he’s still working in crappy fast food places. He’s cute, but he must be a loser.. Actually, he’s probably still in college (Pitt) because I never saw him there during school time. So maybe he’s not THAT much of a loser. Then I saw Steve (from math 22 & 26). We stopped and talked for a while. I think I said some stupid stuff about my car. He asked for my number, which I gave him, but I don’t think I have to worry about him calling me. 😛 And now I’m off to class (Calculus) to take a test, which seems like it will be really easy… I hope it is.
And that was my good day.
It’s about 6:30am and I have to leave for work pretty soon, so I don’t have much time to get into the details of my dream.. I don’t even remember the details anyway.
Oh well… it was like a movie. I (or someone else…I’m still not sure) was a Chinese (or some other Asian race) and some other girl of the same race was coming to kill me. She had written me a letter, and like in movies, it was read outloud by her as if she was saying it to my face. At some point during the letter I received a small box and a piece of jewelry. The box was for small treasures like that. And that’s all I remember! haha
Alain and I had a big fight yesterday.. as you probably already know from previous entries. I’ll tell you more about it later if I feel like it..
Everyone is so annoying! Alain, my parents… None of them can control simple bodily functions. Like my parents take forever in the bathroom and they flip out when they can’t get in there. Meanwhile, I’m waiting hours to get into the bathroom…
Alain feels tired and boom he’s out like a light. Can’t even stay conscious. Am I the only person I know that can control themself?? Why can’t I be with normal people?! Then when Alain was getting offline he gives me some stupid camera icon.. wtf?? That’s annoying AND stupid. And of course he didnt wait for me to ask what that’s supposed to mean… Nope, once everything’s cleared up in HIS eyes, then of course it must be cleared up in MY eyes. And he says he can’t tell when I’m upset… how blunt do I have to put it?? I told him “you suck” to his face and I told him I meant it and I told him why and he offers nothing but disbelief that I could be upset with him and a sarcastic “I’m sorry for being tired”. Wow thanks Al..I feel a lot better. At least YOU can sleep peacefully tonight. He sleeps peacefully anyway. I could break up with him and two mins later he would be asleep. He thinks it’s fucking hilarious, but it’s insulting to me. Like me breaking up with him or being upset with him doesn’t cause him to stay up and think or be upset or even WANT to stay up and think or be upset. And he says he misses me the most when he’s in bed at night?! What like the two seconds he’s awake before falling asleep? He misses me about two seconds of the day. Thanks again Al. I can’t fucking count on this kid for ANYTHING, not even to show up somewhere on time. Nothing, not even his girlfriend that he “loves so much”, can get in the way of Alain’s sleep schedule. Actually, I take that back. He can break his schedule when he’s with his friends… not with me, with his friends.
Yayyy finals are over. I took my trig final today at 3 then I finished my comp sci final project and turn it in at 6. I think I did pretty good on both of them. I can’t wait to see my grades for the semester though!!!
My religion in america teacher called me today (becaused I requested it because of my A- instead of an A). I explained my case, I didn’t get to all my points though. He basically said I should have wrote more for the papers and gave me an A anyway. Yeah, ok, I should have written more, but it’s not fair to me (and other students) if you overlook the thing in one paper, then take off points for it in a later paper. I didn’t get to my internal citations argument, but that would have been good too Oh well, at least I got that A. I hope it shows up on eLion soon!!!
This summer is going to be crappy as hell. Alain will be gone for 4 months, I still don’t have a job or any other decent way to make money. I have to spend what money I have now on summer classes and books, so I can’t see him sometime over the summer… I’m going to be so depressed. I’m starting to feel depressed now.. He was out late fucking around with his friends. I get so jealous when he’s out late with his friends.. Because I can’t do those things with him and I’m not as much fun as they are. And I don’t have the same kind of relationships with my friends. Also, people don’t respect me as much as they respect him. I suck at everything that has to do with communication. I guess that’s why I want to be so good in school.. to make up for that. I need to feel like I’m good at SOMETHING. I need SOMETHING to motivate me to get up in the morning and live my life. If I didn’t have school I don’t know what I’d do. Thats why I want to go to school over the summer. It motivates me. Jobs don’t. Jobs make me more depressed because of the monotony of the work. It’s too repetitive and I never have to think. I like to think and analyze and learn. Jobs don’t stimulate me and all the money they might provide me with isn’t worth it. I feel like I’m wasting my time and life at jobs. There’s got to be more to life than jobs and work..
Wednesday I had that job interview at Enterprise (Car washing job). I was pretty sure that I got the job, but I haven’t gotten a call back yet (today is Friday).
Alain’s leaving next Wednesday or Thursday My life is really going to suck when he leaves. He wants me to visit him sometime over the summer, but I really don’t want to take Greyhound again. It’s the worst way to travel. I don’t think I’ll see him this summer just because of that. Going to his house for just a few days sucks anyway. It’s not worth it.
I went out with Carrie to the mall. I think I bought too much stuff… I’m gonna have to return it tomorrow
My car actually passed inspection. My dad said it barely passed the emissions test. No surprise there. It’s always smoking.
I’m feeling sad again.. I think I only write in here when I’m feeling sad. I think it’s partly because Alain said he’d do something with me tomorrow and get my ring resized and go to Best Buy, but about an hour or so ago he told me that he signed up to play paintball a few weeks ago and has to go do that. He never told me about it before. I’m pretty pissed off about that. I think I’m also sad because when I was trying to take a nap today after going out with Carrie, I thought about kissing James for a few seconds. As soon as I realized what I was thinking, I stopped, but I dunno… Thinking about it makes me realize that it’ll never happen. He doesn’t even LIKE me. NONE of Alain’s friends like me. They make fun of me. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. Alain’s family doesn’t like me, his friends don’t like me. I feel stupid being with him. Like everyone’s looking at us and thinking “what’s SHE doing with HIM??” I feel like shit when I think about that.