Perspectives and Impressions

10 May 2013 – Essentials…

teaeyegger — Sat, 11 May 2013 11:24:57 +0000

Ships have a way of getting where they need to be whether we steer them or whether we allows ourselves to drift with the tides or the favor of the winds… each has its presence in our dreams and even in our day to day lives… we do at time trust in others to transport us from one place to another… we do at times take on the wheel ourselves… each situation has its presence in our day and fits into the puzzle of where we need to be or wish to be… sometimes the road is not a direct one or one that is easily traversed by the mass systems… some roads require a solitary rider… a single horse or other mode of transportation to reach the far end of the way… some ways are well formed and easy to wander… other ways are harsh and we are forced to cut our path through the thick brush and brambles… some we leave footsteps in the sands of time others we leave a somewhat permanent cut though the underbrush… and some we move along without presenting a single sign that we have wandered past… our ship gets to where we need it to be and while we believe at times we need someone at the wheel or that we must possess a sail to catch the slight whisper of winds all we need do is trust in the soulful direction and go with that… the trick them is knowing ourselves well enough to figure out which one is the soul direction and which one is the direction of the desire or want… our soul pulls us toward what we need… what we desire deeply to be truly happy… what we are passionate about and what makes us breathe deeply of sighs… laughter and the sweet scent of happiness… we may desire a hand on the wheel to steer the ship of our state of mind other than our own from time to time… it is nice to dream of another slipping into the wheelhouse and taking up the task as we wrap ourselves in their arms and just let the winds take us… for a wonder filled time the ride can be magical and for some of us this is the pinnacle of our needs and desires… for most though there is more that we wish for ourselves and for those around us… we wish to be more and to bring forth more from those that walk with us… we do not wish to lead or to follow but just be with… to have company to ride beside or walk beside… we let go the threads of times before and times yet to be and live wonderfully well in the present of now… so when the hand is ours upon the wheel does the ship take on another tack… when the wind is from another’s breath does it alter our course… is the sails are of another’s making do they catch as much as ours do… or are these alterations minor in comparison to the gifts of sharing with another the thrill of the everyday… of finding moments in the storm of each day to recall or to remember another in your mind… granting another the tiller has never been easy… one must trust the tiller man… one must have the tease and the power of reflection to relax the inner desire for control and then to take the deep breath and let go… after so much time our reflections change… we can seize it over time but from one day to the very next we may miss the slight variations… I washed up on a few beaches after taking the rocks straight on and losing so I know the price of being arrogant with immovable forces… I also know that to drift helplessly would result in a similar outcome… sometimes it is best to seize the wheel open the sails and let the wind take you… at others one must find the lee shore and hold ones bow into the wind and let the storm pass… and since each day is a storm of sorts it is a metaphor for living…

The seed planted a long time ago finds a place finally… the pot moves… the ship settles and rolls… we can take such things with us… seeking out the perfect place to place them… but to carry them for too long makes growth stagnant… trees can only get so bit locked within the confines of a pot… the bigger the dream the more of a need it has to be planted in the soil of opportunity… to find its place from that point in time on… sure some dreams will wither and fade in such places… wrong opportunity… bad timing… the list of reasons why litter the mind… but true dreams will eventually flourish… if the tree is resilient and has a good series of roots it will take to the soil and grow wider reach higher than the potted palm we carry forth with us… the letting go is frightening… we have this within us for so long and have cared for it for so long how do we let place it within the grounds of our garden and leave it… if we don’t it will never be all it can… if we do it may never finds its place among the others we have… here is the seed… choose what is best to do and leave it at that… whatever it is the ship sails… the wind is ripe and the weather is forecasted for smooth seas…

8 May 2013 – Fragments of Thought…

teaeyegger — Sat, 11 May 2013 11:22:45 +0000

Often I find the elapsed time to be more than the combination of time and experience… it has another component for me… an irrational component or spirit to its nature… here is this time and I spent it doing this… and yet there is more to the time then one can represent in a few words or describe in a history of the moment… putting down what we see feel hear and speak takes us from the moment so we observe and experience the movement… this is our representation of the time… yet we forget that we also influence the time and have an equal effect on the outcome… we can add to our experience or take away from it by our interaction of lack their of… if we embrace the moments we come away with a much richer experience than if we simply observe the unfolding… being a witness to the wonders about us is not a bad thing to do at times… watching the sunrise of the sunset can be magical moments where all we are called to do is be there and to open our sense to the unfolding motion of time… if we are shown a picture of a sunrise we will connect with an experience of one… and so we learn by the experience of one what others are like… does not mean they all will be exactly the same but we will generalize the experience… having done so we will then know what a sunrise is… what a story is… what a tale is… what experiences we enjoy are and what are ones we fail to enjoy… our ability to generalize our experiences allows us to skip over some of the steps when we learn… what we need to remember however is to know skip necessary ones… every met someone who knows… or who answers all queries with I know… all stories with a related experience… very few people in this world have that wide a set of experiences to be able to know… how strange the world is to someone who knows… for then the world lacks something… it lacks a sense of the unknown that is both intriguing and mystifying to the adventurous souls… if we know then why do we misstep… the thing is we lack knowledge or a complete set of knowing about any one thing… we know a little about a lot and never too much about any one thing… in that way we can be experts of our own unknowing and in that way we can remain open to what we don’t know… which for me at least is a lot more than what I do… a logical mind would never would grasp neither the head nor the tale but would wait for the perfect opportunity to coax the wild inside the safest place… some of our nature is not safe and should therefore never be coaxed within but allowed to frolic outside for as long as we have that sense of being the caged beast…

The knowledge is there but sometimes the effort to make it come out is limited to the vehicle in which we are riding… in other words we are and continue to be the barriers to our abilities… we slip and we slide over things more often because we simply forget to get out of the way… so when we are ready we do and when we are not we are preparing to… almost to a singular person we will find the words to say what is on our minds if asked what do you think… but to write it takes a bit more focus… as if putting something on paper makes it real… until it is there is not a real thought or a real idea… it is simply something we have inside our minds… I am never lost in the moment as completely as when I slip over the conscious to the unconscious… just let the water fall so to speak and the words find a way of getting from the inner thoughts of my mind to the page… as we find the passage the string of opportunities present themselves… there is but a singular doorway that has a thousand ways of being found and a thousand more ways of being opened… all we need do is find our key… our link to the secrets we locked away… I found the fragments in this cavern and forever I return here just to sit and listen to the notes unfold… the echoes are endless reminders to listen as well as to let go… when we let go the ideas they find the air to breath and the nurturing in the world to become realities… if we keep them all inside we limit them to us… selfish is that…

It is the beginning… the start… the first step in the moment… I remember the routine that comes at all new thresholds… there is a certain hesitancy on my part before I enter a new doorway to poke my head inside and see the layout of the land… to be careful… to wonder about the logical of leaping right in… I do leap of course because well we should from time to time leap at an opportunity… I can sleep tomorrow or I can take care of the responsibilities another day… today calls for me to just reach out as far and as wide as I can manage and find something to embrace beyond the immediate… I look to the stars at times so I know just how far I have to imagine… just how far we can leap before finding our place… The final stroke comes with the exhausted sleep…

4 May 2013 – Some Shelter…

teaeyegger — Sat, 11 May 2013 11:17:02 +0000

At times we all seek the shelter from the storm that rages about us… at time we want nothing more than to be wrapped in the protective arms of another who speaks the words that calm our minds and allows us to rest while they watch over us… This someone to watch over me and be with me while the storms of life rage… In my experience that same need vanishes once the storms subside… in face we would resist the protection once the storms have ended… so what we truly wish for is a protection that takes us up in our moments of need and then as the dawn of a new day awakens us has mysterious vanished… this storm fairy we could keep in our pockets and use when the moments existed and then put them away when the moment passes… such a luxury it would be to take from our souls the burdens as they surround us and then leave us when the weight of the world is bearable once more… such souls do exist… they are often not people we would imagine… they arrived when the need is there and they disappear when the time passes… they are souls of empathy and compassion who put aside all the emotions that perhaps exist and focus on the present need… angels of mercy… perhaps they are or perhaps they are more human than we give than credit for… perhaps they are as we should be more often… the reason they stand out is that they are so unique… so different… they have that ability to calm the storm that rages around and we find comfort in that ability…

2 May 2013 – Asking…

teaeyegger — Sat, 04 May 2013 10:34:18 +0000

If we don’t ask than how does one know what we want… the same is true I guess of ourselves… if we never say what we desire how are we ever going to reach it… that being said… reaching for the stars is a wonderful way to make strides as long as we are able to see the gains we make as positive… some would have difficulty not reaching the final dream cloud… I over stand the need to dream big… I also know that human nature is such that we often forget that the dream is a basis for change… this is the direction I wish to go… and however many steps I stake I will be further on toward where I wish to be…

Here’s to setting the bar as high as we can imagine and jumping as high as we can to reach it…

There are many degrees or variations of a thought… some are light and breathe easy… some weigh the mind after a time with a heavy residue… some are for the fun side but not to be overdone… if one over does the potent mixtures one pays the price with time remembering the indulgence that was for the moment… The idea that we can take a potion and just indulge ourselves in the luxury entices me… I often dream of the magic elixir that removes the hesitation… removes the barriers and for the moment allows one to just let go… of self… of beliefs… of ideals… take this and just be… and when you wake up you will remember without the strings pure moments… something to smile about… to have and to hold… ahh such desires I have… foolish wants and thoughts… I watch the sun sent… the moon rise… the pillars of the night unfold… I sit in the curtained room… waiting… night has crested and I swim in her veils of darkness… I imagined the meeting over the rail… a drink… mixed… perhaps shaken… the rattle of the ice… the glasses… the twinkling of the lights… the eyes… the smiles… laughter in the air… all a jumble in my mind… I roll over in the night and awaken to the silence… a whisper… ahhh sweet is the taste of the drink… a lingering softness to the air… a throat parched… a need not quenched but sated for the moment… perhaps that is all one ever gets in such dreams… a sated desire… such are the paths we wander at times… the slippery slopes of naked dreams entwined with strings… a glass sparkles in the dimming light… a toast to the sun to the morrow already dawning…

Strike when the fire is best… to wait is to be consumed by the licking flames… be prepared and to that end dive in…

1 May 2013 – Scattered…

teaeyegger — Sat, 04 May 2013 10:33:05 +0000

Firsts are intriguing for their newness… a few firsts are always a good encounter… over time in the framework of things we get to experience the newness of the first day… the sparkle of the dawn… the reflections of the light… the sunset with all its colors… and finally the dark veil of the end… a new day… a new month… a new opportunity… or perhaps just another day in the life of us…

I seem to be experiencing a sort of typing dyslexia… I have the correct letters in the words but all jumbled up and about… some of that is due to my somewhat lax attitude about typing… it is better than my handwriting but just barely… and I find the weird assembly of letters before I edit them a twist to my mind’s eye… I came upon the letters scattered and arranged them in a way that suited my direction… soon the jumbled mess made sense to me the writer but left some emptiness to me the reader… so I shook the canister once more and let spill the contents so the letters rolled in every which direction… now it is your turn to peace together the mess and make sense of the jumbled thoughts of the maddest of idealists…

There is to me a certain wonder to the who then if not me scene that plays out in my head… I know that it will come down to me certainly to get the ball moving in a direction but the final thoughts will come down to a committee and that is like a congress… the more thoughts that are opened the more chances we have of getting not a thing accomplished… we talk a lot… we discuss… we read… we research and we delay… no wonder nothing every gets done… I like the committee of one… the chief and the Indians all rolled into one… you come… you see… you conquer… a real simple plan… that yields results…

Being carried off is always enticing to the dreamer… do we not all dream of being relieved of our burdens and then to be carried off by the one who fills every void and idea of who the perfect match to us is… can we not dream of them… see them clearly in our mind’s eye… cuddle up to them and melt into their being… we dream of such things that seem never to unfold and then we are puzzled one day when a peace of it finds us… a hand to hold… a shoulder to cry upon… someone to share the art of the dance or words across a pond and we miss that these are elements of us… the gift is hue remember… this is the gift we share and while it is careful one… a measured one… it is also a very spontaneous one that is limitless and at times wonderful to hold… I dream of being carried off and being surrounded by light for a time that washes away the efforts and answers the questions before asked and suddenly all the things that are become were…

It is not the touch… it is being touched that allows you to hear… there is a slight difference in perception that allows one to touch while another is touched by the fragile threads of the conversation unfolding in their mind… yes… I hear the wind echoing across the great water… and no it is not in my imagination…

30 April 2013 – Methods…

teaeyegger — Wed, 01 May 2013 23:58:41 +0000

I think we all find or develop our methods… each one has its place and our perception of its usefulness… we have our work mechanisms… our play rituals… our solitary ones and our coping ones are tucked in there somewhere… what another sees is what we show them and what they are perceptive enough to grasp from our shared moments… Your pillar of strength is because of the weakness you share without knowing you are… it is not that you shower those around you with tears and crawl onto their shoulders when the moment strikes… it is a sense in the air about you… a slight change in your words… and then the push to once more step beyond it… I see that as strength… any day would anyone argue the need to pull the covers over one’s head and just be… no… but you had those days and pushed them behind you and now when the feeling is there you take the deep breath and push on… a lot of time you see the physical hue as being the only reflection there is… while I will agree that is all some will ever see there is a deeper more spiritual part to hue… and I am fond of saying screw all those people who only see the cover and never get beyond that… we are who we are… and yes we can change some things and others we are sort of stuck with… I am never going to be six foot… just isn’t going to happen… and I am way too lazy to work out so much that I reduce my size and shape to those I had when I was in my early twenties… just not how I want to spend my time… I have better things to do… I want to be live healthy not have that be the largest peace of my day… a peace of chocolate is a sweet indulgence that I can take… not the box of course but the sweet hint is a beautiful temptation to the soul as well as to the mind and if I am a little more for that indulgence… I can live with that… I try not to find mirrors as a reflection of me just the outward impression and I have never seen myself as handsome or as attractive so I have never feared the reflection… though I will admit… age makes things sage a bit… sad really… but that is gravity… it just sucks…

Since we are sharing dreams… Mine last night was of someone trying to climb into my head… perhaps it was just the strange web of thoughts of late or the types of books I have been reading… there are only a few people who know how to weave their way inside my head and a special few who are welcome into the dream state of my mind… so it had to be someone within this smaller circle and I kicked them pretty hard… waking up talking… actually woke up talking them out of my head… shadows in my mind… slipping away… that hint of knowing but not sure… a sense of alarm but then peace at the same time… someone wanting to embrace but afraid to do so… or just a lingering thought coming around again… knock you asshole before entering was my response before I woke up… I do have such strange dreams… I am sure whoever it was will think before opening the door without knocking… I do believe I caught a piece of them in the door as it slammed shut… oh well… perhaps I should wall that up a bit more… never take to bed what you wish to leave somewhere… best to bag up the worries and grant them to another… it is just symbolism but it works really well… was thinking about the idea of being free… so perhaps this dream was an indication that I am not as free as I presumed I was of the past or maybe it was a reminder that we are part of the past as well as the future… strange swirling mists… I hear you… but then I hear a lot of things… most I forget to listen to… allowing only direct words to influence my thoughts… I figure if you never say it out loud then perhaps it is not real… or reality is what we allow outside our minds… we drank a bottle of something… forgot who we were… danced until we collapse… slept entwined in the wonder and woke up in different realities… life is interesting sometimes…

One could say that was a most unusual adventure… and they would be right and then they would be wrong… it was a typical adventure remembered… the key was remembering… most are so easily forgotten… the lingering effects are all that comes to mind… the words escape me but the weeping guitar haunts at my memory… I stood on the stage in the full light of the moment the instrument attached and played until my fingers bleed… a solid wall of music echoed across the field… a dream for sure… a desire… a longing to reach beyond… dreams a face of the unreal planted in the now…

I suspect when one stops referencing themselves a certain way then others will accept them for who they are… I have this idea that people are just people… so when we stop defining ourselves as straight… gay… black… white… republican… democratic… socialist… or whatever other label we can place upon ourselves then we will be happier as just being who we are… If you are content with yourself then it stands to reason you will be tolerant of another… our own discontent tents to lend itself to our reactions to others… Personally I have no bias about sexual orientation… color… nationality as long as I am respected for mine… that is where I sometimes get into a division… because I give the same noncommittal responses to everyone… listen if you speak shit I will call you on it… don’t care… but because you are say a socialist and I am not does not mean I am calling you out because of that… I am just saying you talk shit… we can agree to disagree… I just believe that when we stop referencing our color or sexual orientation or gender as a tag we will begin to reference ourselves differently and possibly more humanly… what I am saying is I don’t give a shit… your actions are what define you… you can talk all you wish to… but if your words don’t come into line with your actions then you are talking shit… and expect to be called on that… I don’t care… don’t use your label to hide behind when your actions are less than they should be…

Am I ever good… better… the best… I would never compare myself to that strange standard of good better best… or average… not so… bad… really horrible that could take a person’s ego and stamp on it… I suspect that being good has its benefits for some and like anything in the world it has its cutting edge as well… the need to be as good or even better the next time around… can we say we are… and leave it at that… comparisons are tiresome… they weary my soul… I donut wished to be compared… I wish to be… as you say loved… for the wonder… the joy and the experience…

Good… bad indifferent… the words poke the soft underside of the meaning… be well until the next time… keep out of trouble… perhaps be yourself just less so… until we meet again…

Dreams are to some premonitions… to others they are just bits and pieces of things they have on their subconscious mind… then there are those who walk in their dream state… so the question really is what state were we in… a sleeping state of mind… a restless state of mind… or an adventurous state of mind… the answer rests within the state of the mind…

We can get all tied up with the many aspects of the home… at such a junction perhaps we do need to be carried off… if only to give ourselves a respite from the endless list… for it is an endless list… tomorrow is just around the corner… an easy egress from here to there… one just has to close their eyes and there you are…

Having so much to do and being able to focus and do it must bring a clear sense of satisfaction and accomplishment… I have a long list but nothing seems to ever get crossed off the list… just additions… but that is the tangled web of negotiating the threads… my ideas versus another’s… and while the other says they are not interested that is a very slippery slope… ignore them and pay the higher price… so if it does not get done… it was not meant to be done… my thoughts vary on the subject… but I would love to have the free hand to just get some things accomplished… but then I do have the built in excuse to not get anything done… I am waiting for Godot… a vane and endless wait for another to show up who will never show up…

29 April 2013 – Wrapped Round…

teaeyegger — Wed, 01 May 2013 00:57:01 +0000

There are many fits… some are fleeting measurements of a singular nature that are fit for a time and then fade away… some last longer… all things change though… the ring we wore when we were younger may still fit us but the meaning behind it has certainly changed over the time we have possessed it… As I approach another milestone in a relationship I ponder not having the original… having replaced it some years back… the newer one has more power in it… more of me… of the me I am today… we have lost all the rings of possession except one… I still have the one gifted to me on my graduation… all the others have found new homes… misplaced lost… wandered off… symbols or possessions… did they possess us or did we possess them for a time… change… some profound… some not so have altered us… your journey has been different than mine… I could not imagine myself surviving as you have… when I see the rings of the things of the ties I think to myself that they are just reminders of the places we have been and the trials we have negotiated… but they are more than just things… more than just possessions… they do possess a peace of us and as such they have meaning… some still fit us… some will always fit us… others will come and go… much like anything in life… things come and they go… only to come around again… I guess relationships have seasons also… and perhaps that is the best thing about them…

We all seek that perfect fit… perhaps we still seek it… though wisdom tells us there is never one perfect fit that covers all… what we get is a series of imperfections that align with our own… so two sets of imperfect people create one perfect unity… something of that nature is within our grasp at all times… we just have to not be looking so hard to find it… a relaxed idea about threads and strings will yield a wider net then a focused one seeking out the fit that suits us… we never know what will fit until we try it and that alone speaks volumes… the living… the dancing… the getting up in the light and just enjoying the moments for what they are… moments… are we Monday people… Sunday people or everyday people… My stride has been to be an everyday sort of soul… sometimes it fits me… sometimes it is a bit loose or tight around the middle… sometimes the waves get in the ay and sometimes it is the sun in my eyes… always there are reasons for not doing… but the best for doing is to live… laugh… love when the opportunity presents itself and then let the past be the past… the present unfold and the future enticing…

Some of these words have meaning others are just hollow… some are the rocks that form in the mind set in the bedrock to be there for all time and some are arranged on the slippery slope to fool the unwary traveler… so carefully take each with the length and the breath and measure your mind against them… time steals your words so begin now to replace them just as easily… the forest is a series of trees… such is the same with words… a series of letters.. the arrangement is what makes them interesting or boring to the soul… some will be arranged to have meaning for us others we will dismiss offhand… all of them have meaning to the artist who crafts them… we become the critic of the art by our reaction… do we dismiss or do we take interest…

27 April 2013 – Passing Time…

teaeyegger — Wed, 01 May 2013 00:56:08 +0000

There are positives to each place in our lives along with negatives… once we get comfortable in a situation we find ways to get done what we need to get accomplished… I find for me that it is somewhat frustrating to know that something must be done but at the same time be kept from doing it because the other is not ready to make the choice that is evident… the workings of the other mind is such that even though the answer is apparent and right there they must search the ruins for all possibilities before embracing the one they had before… strange how some minds work out what they want and need…

We do have the capacity to love beyond our experiences… we do have the ability to go beyond what we are faced with each and every day… we sometimes love in spite of what our experiences tell us… often we allow one experience to shade us or stop us… does not mean that we love less just more guarded… for me my experiences have said love in spite of the choices others make… love the time before… cherish the memories and move on… I am unable to change the opinion of others as they relate to me nor would I want to based on how things unfold… will I be different… yes… that is what experiences do… they alter our steps even when we want to do things the same we will be changed by the experiences we have had… burn yourself on a hot stove and you are careful from that point on… just how it works… we are creatures of action and reaction… my experiences have not been as deep or as reflective as others… my experiences with love and relationships have for the most part been successful and long term… so I continue to hold to my thoughts about love growing and expanding and filling the voids in your life… because it has been my experience… I also am quite aware that it has not been the same for others and that choices made by others do effect how we experience such emotions… would I change that… diversity is what makes life interesting… I would hope that over time we all find the diamond in the rough and come to terms with the wonder of its transformation into the perfect fit… but I am also a realist that over stands that just because we are called to the water does not mean we will drink fully of the opportunities we are blessed with…

25 April 2013 – A Strike…

teaeyegger — Wed, 01 May 2013 00:55:21 +0000

Single instances do not a mindset make… While one can impart a change on a singular instance I know better than to say that I am this or that based on one… it has to be more of a pattern of instances… after a time one has to step back and look at the entire picture and go… is it them or is it me… if one does a thing and one gets the same reaction over time it is the thing they are doing… not a singular instance… I base myself introspection on this path and the results after all the time I am on it I have met and walked with a number of people who I still consider pieces of the fabric of my life… with one or two notable exceptions most no longer consider me part of theirs… in that respect I must hold myself… I have gained a lot by the experience… but I would have liked to hold onto a bit more as I move forward… the one thing I have learned about change is that it makes the past and the moment of the switch as a turning point… what was before is put in the past and left… what is before them is embraced… I was never concerned about the future when I make these intricate connections… believing as I did that once connected the future would take care of itself and I am correct in that… most people see me as a reminder of what was and they would rather not be reminded is my read on that… I suspect that is a good thing… just would have liked it to been less striking…

24 April 2012 – Op Pose It Shuns…

teaeyegger — Wed, 01 May 2013 00:53:54 +0000

We are careful… or I am more so now than perhaps I once was… Perhaps I have learned to be care filled because of the actions and the reactions… doing what another needs is not the same as giving a shoulder or allowing them to be privy to your opinion or thoughts… doing what they need always ends up putting you between the rock and the hard place… a silly analogy for sure but it usually ends that way… being damn if you do and damn is you don’t… so perhaps being a loner is what it does come down to… the gift is wasted… if it is a gift at all…

We do what we do because simply it makes us feel better about us and perhaps about the world we live in… there is always a motive for our actions and while we say we want nothing in return we do want something… perhaps not the same but a thank you or a few minutes of another’s time… people always sense the need to respond when they are granted something… I am not the best at knowing the art of granting the want… just the need… and what a person needs sometimes is the smack on the bottom for one reason or another… we do what we do because it makes us feel we have managed to create a meaningful moment… sure a few of them were not positive at the precise moment but eventually they provided the necessary result required… in that way we can feel better now… and perhaps that should be written on my stone when I go… never did what was wanted… did what was needed… an real ass to the very end…