Many years ago in a place of the not too distant future I stood at the threshold of a dream waiting. It has been a wondrous journey so far and wide that I would not have wished for anything more. I am a simple soul in this regard and I find that that suits me both creatively and emotionally. When I look back over the range of my emotions I realize I have made some mistakes and some missteps in my journey. I am not perfect in the range of anyone’s perspective of me. I followed the forest to the edge of the water and slipped into the water only to find myself tossed back on the shore somewhere further down the line. I was not of the forest nor am I completely of the sea. I am a fire that breathes, a torch set to flame and burn for an eternity of time. We are eternal flames all of us for we leave traces of the fire in every footfall and with each soul we collide with. Perhaps not all the collisions are perfect nor are all the paths easy flat and free of barriers that we can just stroll freely along. Today is one of those days in time when we get to stop and reflect back across the tides and remember when we were so long ago and far away that everything seemed to be before us and all the world was looking up and brighter in the stillness of the perfect moment. We have managed this slow and meandering pathway for a series of seasons turned into years and now decades and we still have a refection we can look upon and wonder with awe that we should still find the spark of delight in each other’s smile. Some collisions are meant to last a life time while others are a smattering of instances or short hot fragments that burn intensely and then fade into the either of yesterday.
In the matter of yesterday there is this series of white fragments that appear and flash white and fade some more and more often than not the images are distorted by the fire and the white mists that rise and fall over the past. I can trace the line and see the fragments burning white hot away the colors and the contrasts so that each conforms to the perfect shade of white. A perfect blank slate that will forever more illuminate the past from time to time as certain aspects come to mind to be filtered through and placed into the recesses of my mind as the lost past. Certain things we learn need to be kept as tools for the coming trade and certain aspects of those lessons need to be put aside so we use what we have learned and put aside the scars of that learning. Once bitten we still have to deal with the dogs so while we may be shy about taking the food we still need to do so from time to time. The white helps with the removal of the emotions and leaves me with the tools of the trade I have gathered to me. With each flash fired in white impulses another hint of the past comes to rest and I can move a step closer to removing the emotional imbalance within me. Emotional instability has in all ways confused me and been the cause of my own missteps. Intent aside the best hand is the one that leads to a better state of mind for the one who needs clarity. Internal clarity is not an easy picture to grasp when one is engaged in a tumbling free fall. With each white fragment I gain a bit more of the clarity I require. With each burst of white and the fading of the colors surrounding it I can see through the illusions I have created and devised. The tide rises with each flash lightening the load of the emotions from me and allowing the threads to float away. As the days turn over and over in my mind the answer was always the same, it was however just a matter of the timing that would necessitate the striking of the match to the tinder of the fires that need to be ignited to purge the heart, mind and soul. Having engaged in the lighting of the, I sit astride the pyres and watch them burn in sequence. Each a moment in a time I would trace with a thread from my soul and still I watch as they are engulfed and wiped off the tapestry of my memory. A struggle at times this is and will continue to be for some time. A wandering journey over many years does not erase in a moment or two. At the same time wondrous ones will always remind us that even when we do make mistakes and when we do misstep there are those that harbor in their souls the power to raise us up and hold us to them and take us along for the ride until we can manage our own footsteps once more. In sickness and in health, till death do us part, are not simple promises to endure nor are we perfect in obtaining them. Not all relationships can endure that perspective and while we ask each one to be that one who will stand by us only a select few ever make the grade. I have had my successes in this world and my failures which are more numerous I will admit freely. The thing about that is that if you are in the world doing things you will have a few more failures than successes, that is just the way of things. The hope that is over time you get better at dealing with life and that over time those you have perhaps unintentionally injured will realize that the slight was not your intent or they will come to the realization that sometimes it is important to do what is right regardless of the outcome. I let the white hot mists of memory wash over the past and steam it clean to that perfect white of indifference and with that I can move forward. I will be challenged in the future to remember some of these moments and I will struggle in attempting to do so. That is the chance I take and while I don’t think I will ever need what I am wiping clean there is that possibility however small that I could be caught unawares of a past I have had. One of the greatest powers we can have is the power of never mind or of forgetting what has gone on before and letting go of all the anger and the fear associated with it. Once we let it all go we are left with the mist of memories shrouded as they are in a cloth of white that is impossible to know beyond a glimpse of possibility. With that knowledge I am comfortable and at peace. I will let the white of the fire burn away that which was etched inside my soul for another time and another place and let go. As I drift off across the sands of time I will remember the rabbit in the hole and when the time is late I will scurry to the gate and looking back feel the heat as a reminder that when you get too close to the ignition source you get burned really bad.