I am wondering about time… about beginnings and endings… sun rises and sun sets… I am wondering about the light… the dark… the passages that open and close… I am wondering about the facades and the realities that flow in and out… I am wandering in mind to the far reaches of the extremes of my imagination and wondering where have all the flowers gone off to… the question is how long… how long do you wait… how long are you willing to be patient and wait till another finds the string of consciousness you wish to pick up on… I wonder in the some times about time and the methods of traveling around and through time until the time we need is directly before us and we sit and watch time slip away all the time knowing we should butt we never do…

A page is turning over… an era coming to an end… the longer it is the softer it becomes… it used to be a parade of thoughts would whisper across the wind day after day so much so that getting back to one in a day was a challenge… no such challenge like that exists… I am difficult to communicate with… I over stand my limitations… family… friends… intimacies that are shared in the course of a day some times confuse and some times they cause barriers to easy words… I am not concerned… for I have walked this road before… when the peaces come together there is a slight adjustment before the embracing of the new direction… we all have our green days and our blue days along with our red and white days… each serves a purpose… a learning process by witch we can step forward and learn really learn to be who we are destined to be… an era comes to an end so another can begin… the mistakes our my own… perhaps I should have grasped hold of an opportunity or two… perhaps I should have stayed in the shadows once or twice more… I did what I did and I allowed others to do what they could and accepted what that was… for the long and the short… some will feel they were short changed… others that they were over looked… the truth is they shared what they could… and I shared what I could… at times those elements came into being and at others they faded into empty canvases… the more I proceed along the way I am on the more I over stand about limitations… my own and others… I wish I had fewer… I am thankful for each and every one who reached me… the list is a long one… from each shared experience I walked away a better person… even when I was wrong… when I failed to live up to the potential… I learned some thing about me… about who I am… I failed a few along the way… I failed myself at times… so as one era comes to a close we open another… limited as it is… I am thankful for the sun rise and the sun set… the warmth of time… for family… friends… for all those who have passed my way and touched me… they may knot know it or realize it or even care… I do though… I care about the forest and the trees and each leaf upon each branch… as my mind wanders away from the one to another to another to the first that is the last I wonder aloud some times as to the purpose… I get lost in the forest… some times for days on end seeking a clue as to witch way to roam… it is to roam that I wish for the most… to be free of myself for a time… butt unlike the figment I some times portrait… there is no stepping away from the reality… it finds me… day after day… in the most unlikely of places… so today tires and worn out by the wearing pace of the holiday I wonder… I wanted a moment to escape reality and found that I could not… I could not escape the vortex that pulls me within the frame work of that picture… so I stand alone and tired on the edge of reality wanting to slip away and finding knot a soul to slip away with I imagine one or another being there once for me instead of the other way around… it is not how things are… or ever will be… few find the time or the fractions to consider the purpose within the purpose beyond the threshold of their logic… to consider the possibility is to frame the child in the reality that is chains… so we believe other wise we would thrust out in our anger over the spilled fortunes… the greed… that is all there is left… where are all the good souls who place themselves as barometers to the flow of the tide of opinion… where have we left them for I fail that test time and again… I am alone in the forest surrounded by the trees and I hear the words of time slipping away like rain failing slowly down… when the level reaches the critical mass it is too late to wonder how one is going to deal with the water… preparation is ninety percent of the solution… so this era of thought comes to a close and another dawns on the horizon… until then… until some other time in the fractured essence of the cosmic tumblers that shift our destinies one to another… I believe and I hope…

Early rise this morning… earlier than usual for a Saturday… I was hoping to find a light in the shadows… butt alas those days are passed… the present is a quiet one… more of my own doing than anything else… still as the tide changes it is some what difficult to manage… it is all good… it requires that I step out of the routine I am in and create a new more productive one with those that are close… change is a necessity for growth and grow we must or we regress backward… that is not a direction I want to consider… time is limited in some senses of the word… perhaps I am losing my mind… perhaps the solitude of soul has finally taken its toll upon me… maybe getting lost in one’s own mind is not the best of passages… or perhaps it is… the gates are unfolding outward… all it takes is time to consider the possibilities before we find the gates broken open and the contents spilling out… the highest pile is the one that is considered the first one to contain… when the richest treasures are truly those that one carries with them…

Woke this morning to a series of choices… and so it goes… the channel is blocked… there is no one at home… and once I clear the objects out and straighten up the closest those who wish to remain fell silent… know one has noticed the change… so was it really a change… life moves on and so have the gathering wave… it was a nice idea… I should have kept it between the two knot the many… while the thought was that with many there is that boost of energy every now and again that sparks the responses… something tripped the dance wires and the others fell back and I am in wonder who… butt I already know that and have known it… green is a color that is difficult to hide in the shadows wearing… I know that color and I know the cost… it is all good because I should have known that it was best to only admit those who could express not just anyone who desired to… a lesson well learned… so when we move on perhaps it is best to take a deep breath and just let it all hang out in the silent sigh of over standing… it is true that one tempest in a closed arena can cause quite a bit of damage…

The night slips slowly toward dawn… this is the darkest hour… the deepest vortex we have been within… I can see the sun shining above while within the walls… there is little fluxuation in the depths of my mind… deeper is the pattern… while taking the light as a guide to find my way home… there is that sense that perhaps at a certain point… there is no way back…

As the pattern is weaved things are being found in the forest of trees that have stuck to the fabric of my being as I wandered past… the sky is the limit of my patience… space beyond tests my endurance… the focus of my desire… lingers on the fringe… and I wonder about me as I lay in bed at night and dream of escaping to the core of my being for one night or one opportunity… there are things we share with others that are so unique… yet so dangerous that one slip and we lose our way or our bearings in the sea we are on… life can be precarious and that is what entices the soul and the heart to linger in a thought for a very long moment… I am in flux… change is what I am… a conduit from one extreme measure to another… she is always correct… for the female senses things long before the male is even aware of the light… if you go with what you know the trial is fluid and takes you… if you attempt to fight the waters you will gain one and lose many… the question is do you care about the many that will go with the flow or the one or two that remain true to the course…

Often I wander in two… one peace is centered and aware and connected to the foundation that is essential to the process of my life… the other is a figment of my imagination… a tumbling tumbleweed that bounces across space and time and bumps into things… people mostly… I am he as we are me and she is he or some body all together… se there is that run from the snake with the gun see how we ride… slowly at first and then with a rise and a fall faster and faster as the heart beats in anticipation of the moon reached and passed on to the next mountain to climb… often I wonder in two places at the same time and come away sparked to think… I need to consider the possibilities that I am slightly aware of the process that is taking me… it is of my own making… and eventually all time runs its course and slips away from us…

Eventually the road opens… the question becomes once it does are we prepared to drive it… or have we become so timid due to the struggles we have encountered so far… change happens… much like shit… some times we embrace it and sometimes we find it difficult to take on… either way we are part of the solution and part of the opportunity… we have choice and we have dialogue… so when the path becomes slower and a bit more rocky do we step away because of that or are we doing so because we are hurt… because we believe other wise… because we believe there is strain or that the other peace does not lend the same balance… all these are reasonable thoughts… life challenges us to find our way… and some times we lose it in our profession… in our personal life… in our trials and errors… the thing is not dead… it belongs to us… it is ours and ours alone… with one exception… and that is because they allowed us to in the first place… so I have parceled down all to the one who shares my thought of creating some thing magical… and sharing it… that is in all ways the gamble we take… choice is a gamble that we will receive in return what we give… some times it works… some times it costs… each time we learn…

I believe in the power of expression as a means to remove oneself from the vortex… it feels good to just let it all out in one way or another and I have found that for me… the time spent thinking and writing releases a great deal of the pressure or desire at times to say things… when I have that itch… it is best I have found to scratch it on paper before I scratch it in person… Not that I fail to defend my space… butt I am less likely to vent my spleen on some one when I have had the time to go through my thoughts… it feels good to let go… my world has in all been a quiet reflective one… I am more at home in the shadows then in the light… I am not a person contrary to opinion that shouts the loudest or jumps the highest… I am what I am and know more nor less… I have had a great deal of luck in my life and while I appreciate it I often wonder when that streak will come to an end… I use the avenues I have to let out into the world the angst that I have so that when I am dealing with those closest to me I can listen… reflect and react… though I have to admit that at times I am not the most patient or the most even tempered… lately those closest to me irritate me… I am quite aware of my faults… lately those around me like to point them out… in the interest of making me a better person I am sure… or as in some cases the dialogue along the lines of what I should be doing in connection to another… my personal favorite is being told that one child or another is playing me to get what they wish… as if I am blind to that… as if I am blind to each playing me to their advantage… I am a fan of the deep breath and the quiet smile and the thought that if they only knew what I was thinking at this precise moment then perhaps they would stop… butt once a bulldog gets it teeth into some thing it is very difficult to let go… it feels good to talk about some things… to get the frustration out or off ones chest… so that we can with an open mind or at least some clarity deal with what life places before us… I am a fan of expression… of artistically weaving a thread over and over until we have pulled it from our being… it is all good has become my mantra of late… what ever is on your mind… from ranting about a colleague at work to the frustrations of raising children in this air of humanity… to the world at large or small… it is all good… we are the people our parents warned us about… we are the people… we are who we are and how we are framed is our choice… some times perfect… some times knot so perfect… some times in the full thread of nakedness and some times shrouded in the shadows… in the total scheme of things my matters are tiny in respect to the universe… but they do so itch me at times that I would love to scratch them with a very large stick… and that is what feels good about expressing them… it is like taking that very large stick or rock and dropping it upon the very thing that irritates the hell out of me… cartoonish perhaps butt oh so satisfying…

All we can ever do is deal with our own place… our own way or responding to others… we are not capable of changing the way they deal with us or how they respond to us other then changing the way we respond to them… a lot of what is written is true by perspective… take another perspective and the truth lies… Benjamin Franklin said some thing along these lines… actions in the first person are always seen as virtuous… as in mine or our revolution… those same actions by another are often seen as illegal… as in their revolution… this is simply a very good way of expressing perspective… we can feel the righteousness of an action that another sees as immoral…

There has been a lot said recently on the choice made by the President and the Attorney General to grant a civilian trial to the planners of the 911 attacks… this appears to me as another instance where our current administration fails to grasp the difference between an act of war or terrorism and a civilian act… acts of war and actions against humanity are military issues… they are not civilian issues… now perhaps if theses person were citizens of the US I would feel they deserve protection under out judicial system… but they are not… therefore they deserve to be treated as combatants not as citizens… the military process is much more streamlined… and is a fair and prudent way to deal with acts of this nature… the civilian process is a much wider broader arena… a trial by jury will be difficult in New York because it will be difficult to find a number of people who have not suffered a direct effect from the attacks…

What I find interesting is that both the attorney general and the President had already stated they are guilty before the trial has even begun… and they wish to plead guilty so what is the purpose of this trial… who are we attempting to impress… ourselves… some times we should do what is correct… this is not about closer or putting to rest those who have died… they will never be at rest… all the souls who die suddenly from terrorism linger… it appears to me that this administration wishes to put the previous one on trial to say we are not like those who came before us… politicians are all the same… it is all about power and any one who fails to see that fails to over stand the driving force behind these individuals… If you views are liberal… then perhaps this is a day for civil rights for those who wish to take ours away… I have a more moderate mind set… I believe you deal with terrorism with the best that you have and when captured you deal with them as quickly as you are capable of… a trial by jury is not my idea of how we should do this… leave it to those best able to deal with these individuals…

I wanted to give the President some time to deal with all the issues at hand… and after these months I am wondering just where we are going… it seems that my status has gotten worse and next year is not looking much brighter… yet with each turn of the page I am hearing what the costs to me will be for all these plans… and though the promise was for less… it is certainly costing me more… and more… so my thought is… Mr. President… get the hell out of the private sector… let the markets dictate the successes and failures… and for Gods sake does anyone want the government to decide what care we get… perhaps we should require all of them to have the lowest plan… and perhaps we should require them to pay for it… and have a period of time like we do before they can collect a pension… but that is just me… being a politician is a great life… if you can get the job… slimy as they are… if you trust any of them… your crazier then I am…

Who is a loose translation of time and place… who is a memory of what we once were or did or said… of how we acted in a particular situation… who is the frame that others place around the fabric of us… the being we are… the truth is that who we are changes as we experience the world… we parcel or compartmentalize our experiences… in that way we are able to move along… to grow… to find our way.. who is better to say what is best for us butt us… we are the keepers of our own being… who we are changes as we move along the path we have chosen… life alters our perception… our reality if you wish as we live each day… life changes us some times for the better… some times for the lesser… each experience we swim within gives us paws… and some times those paws make the next step much more difficult… and at others they make them easier… what we make of each step has more to do with our outlook then anything else… who is such a loose translation that perhaps it is better to say it as this is where I was in my life… this is where I am and this is where I am heading towards… for who is a snapshot of the place we are at this moment… know more nor less…

Dawn mixes emotions… rest… relaxed… anticipate… a sliver of delight… my mind in particular opens more easily the earlier in the day it is… while others crave the late night I most enjoy the very early morning… the very fabric of my being is more alive in the dawn then in the dusk… just how I am wired…

We endanger the balance when we overload the scales… we endanger the operation of the mind when we forget to allow time for play… for the imagination to run wild and free… the proper balance of give and take… the proper scales to use…. the proper expectations to have all place barriers to ones freedom… if we expect to stir the imagination in one way or another we may unhinge the possibilities of others to experience the moment in the delight of their own… perhaps it is best for me to just sit and enjoy the company…

On the other side of this equation is the possibility that one could and at times must get oneself into the stream and fish… or in other words… get into the path of others and find that perhaps they will bump once or twice… or three times along the way… the bumping is not what can get one into trouble it is the possibility that one gets a hold of when they attempt to right themselves…

One can get one into the deepest con numb drum in reality or otherwise… one does not have to be in the reality to over turn the rational mind… one can be in the state of imagination to flip oneself over and go turtle… trouble is that trouble finds trouble along the way… so perhaps one can get one into the deepest archive all by oneself… be it real or otherwise it becomes real…

At times it is strange to sit in the stillness of time… I am having one of those moments… having been so tied up over the past few weeks taking care of other business and dealing with issues other than my own… I have not had the luxury of stealing away a few moments in time with time… just me and the chance to compose nothing at all… a file dump of thoughts… I am capable of a lot and the flow has been reduced to a trickle and when that occurs I know it is not because there is little to say… quite the opposite… there is a lot to say and it is all trying to come out at the same time… what leads people to the world of erotic dance… or the search for more then what they possess… time was that what you had was what you had and nothing more was necessary… I am a believer in the individual… I like the idea that I can succeed or fail on my own… I know many dislike that ideal in one respect butt embrace it in others… strange world… I particularly like those of the political persuasion that point fingers at successful people and say they are the problems… when did success make you a bad person… perhaps if we all took the risks and stepped forward to challenge ourselves instead of blaming others or society for our woes we would be better off… a lot of life is about the luck we create… perhaps we should create more… each time we do we enable ourselves to step higher… it begins with responsibility and goes on and on until we are stretched beyond our means… we will find our way… in spite of the controls that are ever present… I believe in me over the broad hand of government… in fact the less I see of the government the better… at times I find the flow constricted… it take my breathe away…

The process takes time… anything new takes a few trials to get the routine down to the comfortable level that we had before we stepped off the old road for the new one… that by experience is what happens… the steps take longer… the road is less familiar… caution plays its part over and over until suddenly we become engaged in the process of change… over the time until… the new becomes the routine by witch we can move forward… the last month has been a series of chaotic circumstances… a moment of smooth effortless steps transitions to coarse difficult and some times frustrating ones as new process is learned… we all take on the learning curve as best we can… and the outside influences the inside… the personal the professional side… and after some time we settle in and get to feel the old familiar routine coming back…

Amidst the many there is one… amidst the varying degrees there is one in particular… amidst the variety there is one that is favored… amidst the endless there is but one that any one can deal with at any one point… the process is one that cultivates choice and dissemination of all the varieties of thought until a choice can in logical terms be made… there are beliefs we have that are based on facts and ones that are based on a sense or feeling we have… amidst the many there are a few strips that hold us glued to our foundation… while the torrents blow and the rains drive we can remain fixed in the face of any adversity as long as these strips are adhered to… they are the core by witch we believe… and believe we must… in a variety of thoughts… the beliefs we have create a fabric of over standing of the universe around us and allow us to move in among the other inhabitants… our beliefs touch each and every aspect of our lives… and so it goes that believing is seeing… for when we believe we can see… hear and feel all that this belief allows… if we wait to see we fail to reach or react to the touch or the sound of a belief… first and foremost we need to believe and from that step we are open to the flexibility that life requires… amidst the many choices there is one choice that allows us to believe… and in so doing opens us to endless possibilities…

The dark becomes appealing to me… perhaps it is all those things that are hidden within the veil of shadows… they intrigue me to touch the fabric and allow my imagination to run along ahead of me… the dark plays games with the mind… it is a welcome quest and yet we hide from the dark in sleep… all the while wondering about the darkness… when we shed light upon the veil we see shadows that move in our imagination… and many a night we have found the dark warm and full… with just that right mixture of heat that stirs us… so much goes on in the dark and yet we find the absence of light to be dangerous to the soul… turn the lights off and slip between the sheets is an invitation to wander…

We evolve… we learn… anxiety is a means by witch the body is responding to the environment we are in… it is a message that speaks of change… to do some thing different… stress and anxiety are the means by witch our physical beings project to the mind the changes we are going through… we like what is the same and we learn only from what is new and different… same nests require very little of the mind to follow… we ritualize and routine eyes the processes of daily life so much so that we can find ourselves some where and wonder how we got there… the ride having been on auto pilot… with change comes a level of stress and anxiety that if we take a deep breath and relax is telling us we are learning some thing new and different… as we evolve we learn to use all the aspects of our nature… the physical… the emotional and the spiritual hues that are all part and parcel of who we are… so when the physical hue is anxious it is because we have not taken a moment to stop… breathe deep and relax as we learn… learning is fun and easy… it is at its core life… a game of progression… we live… we learn… one can get into the genetics and the theory of evolution that says it takes generations to evolve… me… I believe we evolve each day a little bit…

There are days that begin slowly… as the time changes back to a more standard format we are shifted in our minds by the longest day… it takes a few rises and sets of the sun to reprogram our minds to the change… a slow dance in the morning… a progression of music to move the heart and soul along… to reach into the warmth of the sheets and pull us out to waltz across the floor before we tango… before we crank up the volume and sing at the top of our lungs it takes a few moments to do that… for while the birds are still chirping there are fewer of them in nests… they have felt the touch of change upon them and have begun the exodus…

One last trip to the wild… the innocent and the streets of fire… the ritual of time corners me and I am left in the grip of time… and time haunts me ever so slightly… age is the time we have spent… it is not the time we have had or the expression of the time… it is just a measure created by the human mind to say… that was then this is now and that is yet to be… we can perceive time in our minds but it is not some thing we can grasp hold of… so make the use of this time now and leave tomorrow for tomorrow…

The gates opened and closed… the leaves tumble across the green escape… the birds have taken to flight and in great mass fill the sky… there is this lingering darkness that dresses the night… and with wisps of cold mist lay a seed of silence across the fields… each night huddled in warmth across the mountains the sun shimmers in an explosion of time… what does it all mean to the casual observer… a day… a night… an opportunity… what we make of the clay that we hold within our hands and mold into this day is what we leave behind… the end is not the means butt simply another point from where we move on…

I use the imagery to create a wave… forgive me for my selfishness of thought… it is how I am programmed to deal with life… I think therefore I imagine the context by witch I wrap the mind… and when the tide settles in some times I stand firm and hold my space and some times I am taken in and carried away on the tide… some times the waters are icy and rough to the imagination… and at others they are warm and friendly and heated to the point of consuming the flesh of my being… the imagery helps to find the way across time…a cross the vast open space… so that from the farthest reaches there is still that flicker of light… and in the darkness all one ever needs is a small flicker of light to find their way… so when the day slips to the night… let the warmth of that reflection find the wave as it rolls on so that in the awakening of time there are shivers of a different kind…

There is that notion that everybody wants a peace of what they conceive of… and neither is the reality completely there or the illusion… everybody wants me… butt know body grasps me… each has their peace and from that comes the reality of who I am in contrast to any other…

The statement is the opposite of truth… want or desire is fleeting… when we have it we wish it to go away… when it does we wish it to return to us… it is silly I know… butt every body wants some body some time… I think that is the jest of the lyrics… of some song written some time ago… so while the lyrics stress that every body wants me… he never gets to have me… and the some body that waits for me is fleeting… for I am already on my way… as you are… we are past the premise of some things and in the midst of so many others… our ships sail and they jostle one another… and while I have been on this rather boring cruise off on another ocean… it does not mean that I fail to be a witness… just short of breath… and words… a few more daze and the end is upon us… so the gates will open and the fires will simmer in the heat of the moment… keep the faith… and don’t worry about some body and every body… they are highly over rated…