A spirit exists within as well as without… the turn of events tumbled across the path… a sudden change of events… one folded back upon the previous others that had come before… how much was preventable… how much was missed along the way… a challenge is presented in many formats… the least of these is the obvious… the wall is not a barrier externally placed before one’s eyes… the wall is an internal structure erected to stop one from moving without there being a tangible façade in witch to place ones hands… what is within eventually comes out… it comes out in a rambling sorting of the mind over the progression… what was once is changed and where exactly did that road deviate from the prior path we were on… looking back it is clear… we can point to a separation of thoughts that took hold at some point along the line… yet when stepping in the moment there is know clear way of grasping the final outcome at that particular point… it was just another step… a difficult one but it was just a single step in the progression toward one degree or another… and where do we go from this cross to the next pathway that calls us home… the spirit was willing to believe I suspect what ever was apparent… if we never trust than how does one learn to be trustworthy… once bitten is surely twice shy of the beast that cut off your arm and ate it… that does not mean you stop walking that way… you are just a lot more careful… walking softly for sure and carrying a very big stick to beat off the attack… or in this case or that a large dose of caution before stepping on any stone… one spells the impossible dream with care… for when the expectations climb high enough the bottom is a long way down…

We begin again… one day ends a particular progression and the next opens the door to alternative possibilities… what impresses me is not that the ball is dropped… butt how many times one is willing to step forward pick it up and keep pushing forward… hiding is not an option yet children will hide in amongst the trees to find a place where they can hope it all goes away… as adults we know it never truly goes away when the river is crossed… as the water gets deeper it is harder and harder to accomplish just what we set out to do… nothing is what we walk away with for all our efforts and time… we are a penny short and we are still required to provide our pound of wisdom to what we have managed… so we begin again to right the ship that is walking along the shore in bumps and twirls and finding it hard to open the gateway to the open field of calm seas and stirring winds… find a way we must to salvage the most with the least amount of effort or effect… wonder I do if it is possible to rebuild what has been injured… cracks in foundations eventually fail if the care is not taken to mend them… it is apparent that what guides o ne will be a most difficult path for another to take on… where in all of this has the hand of the guide failed the hand of the one being led… where in the passing of time was silence the proper response to troubled waters and challenging choices… at what point did stopping and allowing others to make the choices for you become the rule… not choosing is still a choice…

When I sit in silence and look back across the road that has taken me to this cross street… I see contradictions… while stated over and over a direction that one wishes to travel… the opposite steps are being taken… to move right one must move right… not find ways to be held into moving left… to gain a positive outcome one must apply themselves to that by consistent focus on the objective so that when faced with rising up to the challenge they step forward and deal with the frustration of what is before them… one only fails when they apply themselves to that outcome… one only fails when they give in to the frustration… yet there it is… a dream… a series of steps that would have placed one on the road to reach that and all the steps take you away… so what is the true dream what is the reality of all this that comes to mind… a full circle back to where we started… and so it goes… the contradictions are easy to see now… and so it goes that we are back where we began and about to start all over all new once more… witch direction is now home… and how do we find the common thread that holds one to the reality of responsibility… while at the same time calling them to seek out their dream… a thin line I am sure…

How much sense do I make in terms of explanation… little perhaps is known beyond the bits and peaces one can gather from the words I write… and one has to wonder just what exactly is he getting at… nothing actually… I am not getting at anything… I am getting rid of some things while I deal with other things… and so it goes that for me to write is to allow myself the opportunity to let go that witch troubles me in some way shape or form without saying exactly what comes to mind… and the manner in witch I do what I do angers some… disappoints others… and confuses most… still it is what it is when it is… in time it all makes perfect sense even when it is illogical to most… it is the most logical thing to me…

Just because you desire it does not mean you get to achieve that witch you desire… a desire points you in a direction toward a place or situation in time… that is not an automatic granting of that witch you desire… it is a series of steps that has the potential of creating the possibility that the desire you have will in some form be within your reach… how that desire unfolds in reality depends on you… some times what we desire moves us in the opposite direction… things work out for the best is an old adage that has been proved over and over through time… yet most will not allow time to be the wonder that times is… most go after their desires with reckless abandon… when they should plant the seeds and see what grows exactly…

It happens… suddenly… there I am… knot where I thought I was… butt some where other then what I would expect my next step to take me… shit happens in life and the measure of a person is what they do when it does… in a lot of respects I am singular in how I deal with things that come my way… for all my artistry solitude suits me when I am dealing with turmoil… in the cope of things this is not especially cruel or jagged… it is however something that is perplexing and perhaps heart breaking… a lot goes into things… and then we have expectations of what we are to receive at some later time in life… that expectation creates the break… that expectation is what causes the perplexed thoughts to come to mind… if I had not the expectations I would have not the break… and now since I do until it is eased and in place here I am…

There are some that speak their truths… that offer their souls to the world… it exists for me in my art and know where else… knot even to those closest to me… selfish of me it is perhaps I fail them by knot doing it… I have never been good at me…

The reason is a simple one… it is because we can do what we do that we do it… often our anger… our fear… our frustration that we vent at any one is not at the any one we are pointing it at… it is just they happened upon us at the moment when the dam gave way or the pot boiled over… as I have aged and I have aged a lot that is how I see what transpires… there are things that are of my doing… insensitivity… sure… over stepping my bounds… obviously… I have taken to the covers more than once in my life… I tend now to be more cautious in how I step butt still I step into places that are not mine to step into… yet I am still one that others can get angry with… can point their finger at… I am one that can take the shot… so it goes…

I dream of the transfer of thought from the mind to the physical realm… in dreams all is perfection is association with one to another… the steps are perfect… the embrace… the coordination is all in tune one with the other… still I dream of the transfer… to dance in reality is much more satisfying… to walk one with another across a place in time to etch a memory is much more that to just dream of it… yes there are boundaries that are difficult to deal with… space… time… relationships… age… not to mention… religions… politics and a thousand other things that can be grown into a mountain… yet… I dream of transferring what I think about into a reality one day… and that to me is so much more inviting… and while I am truly at peace within the mind… truly calm and centered… I am also more truly alive when dreams have walked out of my imagination and into my life…

I dream of the transfer of thought from the land of imagination to the land of reality in a way that sparks sighs… along a path that takes ones breath away… I dream of finding the lines that stop words and replace them with sounds because words are impossible to speak and all one can do is allow the physical to experience the moment…

I hope you realize that I am basically full of shit… that anything I say is suspect… that none of it should ever be taken literally and used without testing on your own mind heart and soul… I possess no great intelligence or skill to aid anyone in anything… that is sort of like allowing the inmates to run the loony bin… what I think about I speak about and some times that is just a lot of crap… if what I say makes sense to you give it a shot if not ignore it… if it works great if not do some thing else… the trick is to do some thing… for doing nothing is the only option that truly sucks…

The answer is in the questions… the answer is closer to what one eventually says… the anger is a release of all the suppressed thoughts that have gone on over time… when we finally do over come the road that has us… it explodes… it does not ripple across it… it digs itself in and scraps the surface until it find a fault line and then plunges inside to leave its mark… when we ask our questions we already have the answers we are seeking to find… what we are hoping for is an ability to find our way in the dark… we have the answers we just need some one to light up the area we have stored them in… if we ask witch way to go… we know we have to go… we have an answer to our dilemma… what we seek is help in getting started… a spark to the seat of our pants… a kick in the ass… or a gentle nudge forward… what options are open to me… declares that there are options open… and that we know they are available… clarity on witch is the best choice is what we seek… listen to the sound of your asking… the road home is nearer then you imagine…

Dreams come… they float in on the night… a whisper of the unconscious mind… one can see them as an opportunity or as an awkward stirring that disturbs the peaceful slumbering… I prefer to see them as reminders… as tickles to the imagination… my dreams tend to be very sensual and intense… it is simply what gets my conscious attention… not all the messages are sensual as much as they are about anything at all… so what do the symbols mean to me… they mean I have to be aware of what is unfolding in my life… that I have to notice a bit more… to ask what I am not noticing now… the dreams come… they unfold in my mind… they flow like a river… overflowing its banks at times… at others reduced to a trickle… what is it about the symbolism that stirs the air… I dream mostly of natural surroundings… trees… rivers… woods… oceans waves… sand… warm breezes… winds of change… people past… present and future… yet all seems so perfectly placed and in balanced and yet at times my mind so wanders far and wide that I am captured by the need to over stand and the only way I find that release is to let go of needing a specific what does this mean to allow what it means to sink in… a tree is a tree unless you are sick man fraud and then a tree is a variety of things other then a tree… in my dreams trees are trees… rivers are rivers and people are who they are… and who they were and who they will be yet again… that is not universally true of things though… I do tend to consciously dream… so perhaps my dreams are more focused or less so then another… that is the wonder of dreaming and the art is not is say9ng this is what it is for all… the wonder is asking what does this mean to me… what does it say to me… what do the symbols speak to me about… all the world is a dream… so perhaps in dreaming we are more in tune to the symbols of the world…

We dance every night… or shall I say we never stop dancing… the steps are leaps and bounds… short and long… slow and fast… a hustle… a quick step… a slow series of steps and movements that capture the imagination… follow me so that I may follow you… capture me in your eyes so that I may be captivated by the inner wonder of your soul… we dance every single night until dawn awakens the restless passion of the music within… we dance in fast circles and exchanges of space… we move in sequence… in step one with the other… we fall into each other arms and find peace in the memories they stir… if one has to hide they should retreat to the future… and find a wondrous page to fill in… dance with me…

While stretching back through time listening to the music that has rolled across my ears since January I am wondering… or more to the point I sit in wonder… I sit wondering where have all the pirates gone off to… where are all the fearless wanderers that began the journey… what is the fear that stops the progress of the stream that pushes the water in another direction… the path of least resistance is the one that flows down hill yet we are at times in awe of the uphill push that takes it over the mountain top and around the apex to reach further into the sky… how far off can we be from reality… a good distance if we allow it to be so…

There are places to go and people other then ourselves to be… I suppose in the total outlook a few months in time is not terrible to deal with… disappointing perhaps butt not life threatening… knowing what things to worry about is as important as knowing the time of day… this is an important time and this is a casual one and it can all be good for in the end the progress we make is in direct proportion to the efforts we apply…

All thoughts remain within us until we share them… our truest purest exchanges are those we create specifically to share with another… all we create in shadow comes to light when we present it to another… the poetry of our soul is just that… until the moment we read it aloud… or we share it with another… even if we share it with just one person in the entire world… it is an expression of our minds and it is both refreshing and terrifying… when I write I some times forget I am doing it… I become the words… the expression of my mind flowing out… it is in those times that I feel the most vulnerable… that some one reading what I write will begin to know me better and see beyond the façade created… it is very much like standing naked in the moonlight…

Slow is the time… a composition of the before and the after… still is the knight in the corner of time shifting slowly from side to side… the ocean waves… the forecast is for weather associated with my mood and the fire wanes in the forest behind the trees of ever green washed white… the clearing comes as a sweeping hand… opening on the thinning trail… a tale wags and the bark is heard lapping across the hills an echo and then a silence that follows the water down stream… careful is the time… dangerous is the tide… a rip in the seam of time…

Sense I never make any in the long run or the short… the porpoise is to make some thing from the rambling echoes inside my mind… what feels good is the movement of the fingers and the appearance of words across the screen… what comes of the activity is less important today… the sigh is what is important…

The more you try to get your mind around some thing the less it does… it is at times like this that one should just let it be and go for a walk…

Shit happens… that is a simple fact of life… what you do when it does speaks to the person you are… disappointment is universal when you put your faith into some one… when you allow another to make choices on their own… they will disappoint you… either by the choices they make or the ones they fail to make…

All change begins with the acceptance of the mistakes we have made… making restitution for those mistakes… and then and only then can we begin to put our lives back together… or point our life in a positive direction… it is never that shit happens in life… it is what we do with the shit when it does…

What choices do we have… what alternatives exist for us… where do we go from the place we are to the places we wish to be… how can we accomplish all that needs to be done… the first step is the accepting of the responsibility… the statements of proof… the removal of the denial… what is the truth… what are the facts… that is first and foremost the essential point form witch we can begin to correct and put ourselves on a course toward some where other then here… where are we exactly and how did we get here to this place in time and situation in witch we find ourselves…

Once we know where we are… we can list out the possibilities that are before us to achieve the goal we have set for ourselves… each one in the series has to accept that they have a responsibility to each other to commit themselves to the success of what they promised… and also to take on the responsibility for doing and repaying all those involved who have taken the time and effort to support them…

Time arrives… time soothes the hurt… the anger… the fear… the frustration associated with the situations we find ourselves within… disappointed we are… yes… butt life is filled with such days… some are more to the core of who we are then others… lies… deceit… mistrust… are all elements of this… where did we move off of the track we are on and find ourselves in this place… it is a slow easy slip that takes us from the road of truth to the road of lies and deceit… easier it is… more seductive it is… stronger it is not… try we will… succeed we will… butt it will take time to repair the bridges we have destroyed… to rebuild the ties that bound us and to move forward… life is full of these types of challenges… how we take them on is an indication of the person we are…

A curve was thrown… unexpected… certainly not some thing we would expect… and just when the ball was there… it was gone… the ring is within reach and then it is gone… and you sit wondering… a page torn out of the atmosphere… a universal question rearranged…

A pair of lights illuminated the darkened circle… all seemed to appear as it was before… yet there is that sense in the dark that things are not what they appear to be when illuminated by false light… the light of truth awakens more then awareness within our souls… it grants us the opportunity to know more… to add to our experience in a way that we can continuously use… false light allow us to see… to take in with or eyes butt leaves more questions then grants answers and never really grants us the knowledge that truth does… witch light do we shine upon our darkened corridors… witch light do we use to uncover what is within the circle… what is there within our beings… do we shine the artificial light that allows us to get past the moment… or do we shine the light of truth that allows us to learn really learn…

I wish I could say I wonder where you are… and that I whisper your name to find you… butt I know where you are… and my whispers are there with you… there are some walls and barriers in life that exist because we have not as yet found a way to remove them… and perhaps we never will completely remove the walls and bridges that entangle us… there are days when the earth stands still… where barriers and strings hold us tight… there are days when we fail… when we stop and look to the four winds and find nothing butt the silence… there are barriers to success… that throttle the course of our life times… that change us in profound ways…

There are places you go… there are places I go… there are times when we can… times when we are unable… there are situations that remain the same and those that change with each day… there are those places that you go where I am unable to wander… where I refuse to go… they are not places that I wish to be associated with… there are stones that reflect on the mirrors of my soul… they come and they go… they are richer in some ways and poorer in others… butt still they are places I will not go… for they take more then they give… they darken the soul… they are places where the vortex of doubt… fear and anger rage… they are places where the soul aches… and the heart is alone even when it is not… these are not places I wish to go… yet they are places I find others wandering to and from… when they do I send a message along that when the time is right that I will be along the edge of the way that leads away from such places… so when they are ready to wander in another direction we can continue the road on witch we are on…

I find that at times we are ready to believe what another tells us because it is easier to accept another’s opinion of who we are then to stand in contrast to their vision… easier it is to go with the flow… fighting the current to move upstream is a constant struggle that eventually wears you down… we are who we are… yet at times it is easier to just cave in and be that witch others believe us to be… the fatigue of being different… of being outside the norm… of being the black sheep or the odd man out takes its toll… after one road block upon another there is very little time left over for being the battering ram… so we cave in and believe what another says to us… I know what I know… I have seen what I say… and it doesn’t matter anyway… the long gray line of confusion is warped… stretched beyond the folds… counter to the revolution… and yet we believe other wise… we know in our hearts who we are… and we still fold to another… we listen when they tell us we have this or that label… we accept it as being the gospel… as if anyone should just believe a gospel as being the complete truth and not just a parable that tells a story… that relays a message… it is after all a metaphor for the reality… we teach by contrast… we learn by difference… the same similar reminders fade and what stands out is the unique… the differences among the many that are the same…

As much as we wish to be unique and seen as different our actions pull us into being alike… that is the paradox of being who we are… as an individual we strive to be ourselves… yet as part of society we try to fit within a certain number of criteria… we wished to be both one and one among many at the same exact time… we crave the wonder of being seen as unique and in the same instant wish only to be lost in the crowd… a star that shines brightly in the night sky and one of the billions that are part of the universe… how we manage the balancing of those counter elements of every personality is what allows us to be who we truly are…

All days are the same… all days are different… all contain a beginning and an end… all are similar in nature and different in perspective… all are as complicated as the cycles of the sun and moon and as simple as opening ones eyes and closing them to fall asleep… each is the same as the one prior and the one yet to come… each is unique for what unfolds within it… all days are opportunities to begin… to create a step… to forge ahead… to remain within the folds of comfort or to leap outside the lines… all days have that wrapped within them…

I recognized them… sort of… they recognized me… sort of… we recognized one another… possibly… having knot met anyone at all… it was a paradox of sorts… a feeling that I was known to the core of my being… that I was standing naked on the sidewalk… at the same instant I knew each and every one around me… the intimacies of their being… a some what freakish over standing… I knew without knowing… I just knew… as if we had spent a life time together… and perhaps we had in some other life time… perhaps I was at that moment surrounded by all the soul mates I have all at once on this particular street… perhaps it was one of those synergies of time and space that brought it all into line all at once… all I can say is that they knew me and I knew them and I felt at one time unnerved and comfortable… uneasy and at peace… aware of their presence and confident in my own… pushed along by the over standing and strengthen by the knowledge…

The complexities of a mind often confound… what is being said is not what is on the mind… the straw that breaks the back is just a thin piece of hay… yet it gets the fullest attention… some thing to tweak the mind to the point of explosion… why are you not listening to me… because the fire is just a simmer… or because what is burning should burn… what ways we gather our information and process it differs with each one of us… what is important… why is that an important factor in the course of gaining knowledge… you know what I know… you hear what I hear… the expression is a long standing dilemma… how one expresses what they feel intuitively within is the factor by witch it is accepted… or rejected…

What we want or desire is not in all ways the best thing for us… a sense or feeling can be an indicator of a direction or course of action we should take… or it can be a barrier to achieving our goal… what we want needs to be in line with what we are capable of reaching… is the goal we strive to gain a worthwhile one… our we doing this to get the moment or the life time there after… is the desire a culmination of thoughts that arrive at a single moment in time… or are they a well perceived series of steps that arrive at a place in time and go on into the future… often we desire a moment and never give consideration to what comes afterwards… what avenues are we to follow after we grasp this desire or achieve this moment in time… so what we desire may not be the best thing for us if we fail to future pace it beyond the moment our dream or desire culminates… what happens after that one place in time has a more lasting effect on who we are then the one single moment… we can live a single moment… some of us do… butt our lives are a lot less when we do that… when they can be so much more when we take the moment and allow it to push us further along the way we are on… what comes after is a door open to opportunities and we need to be prepared to embrace them or reject them as necessary… what we desire can lead us to a better place… or if we are ill prepared… it can be the road to ruin… be careful what you may wish for or desire… for it may be the sword that kills you…

I suppose there is some style to what I do… though I wood say that it is more a lack of style then a strict sort of style… in fact what would one call the style of prose I use… basic… ambiguous… childish… open… volcanic… stirring… perhaps it is some or all of the things that it is and that it is not… anything goes with me except of course… capital letters and punctuation… a purposeful alteration of the course we are on to find an alternative worthy of time… perhaps it is the woods… the rain… the selfish thievery… a desire to be unheard… to go off in a direction away that turns toward home eventually… where is home… where I find myself… so style is important… it is just that I have never given it much thought other than to say… I wish not to use punctuation or capital letters except when I do…

We are all addicted to some thing… to eating… to drinking… to playing… to our friends… lovers… the road… music… poetry… reading… indulgences of our body… heart or soul… we have the ability to choose our addictions… to select what we wish to be addicted to… so believing we must choose one thing we select an act… a particular substance or process… drugs… alcohol… work… when perhaps it would be best if we became addicted to living… addicted to living a good wonderful fulfilling life… our addictions tend to be destructive… so I am wondering… what would happen if we did become addicted to life… to a deep desire to live each day so that one feels a complete sense of satisfaction at the end… as sleep takes you… we are all addicted to some phase of life… perhaps it is your art… or your family… I am wondering if we made it more encompassing how different it would be…

I usually wonder with what the fuck… what the hay stopped working for me a long time ago… what the fuck seems to put it all into perspective… what the fuck do you think you are doing… jolts another’s reality pretty quick… and when taken internally gets my attention… and that is what we are after… after all… for usually it is not that we are paying attention… it is that we are not paying attention to what is unfolding… what the fuck sort of gets the mind to focus on the correct sequence of events… or at least it gets one to take their head out of their own ass…