The knots are there… singular… multiple… within my flexibility they exist… a way of life for me… to find them in among the many fluid pathways… to untie… untangle… open up… to dissect and then reconnect… the river is a dream… the knots are there in many waves… obstacles to come over… a leap of faith at times… a choice to be made… a series of puzzles to solve… a place to persist in spite of setbacks… all knots have a purpose in that they bring forth an opportunity to use what we possess… when faced with frustration… fuck it… and find a way… when asked to explain… I don’t fuckin care is an important distinction… it does not mean that I don’t care… it means I am not going to explain how I do it… if you wish to model success you will find they rarely are able to answer the questions how… until you ask them eloquently… it just works for me that way is not a knot… it is a challenge to go that far then figure out what will just work that way for you… if you allow a certain amount of freedom in the model you allow for creativity to enrich the processes others develop… education is a series of successes based on the adventure of change… play… experimenting… enjoying how your mind works… then applying that knowledge to the study and application of subjects… frustration means you are the edge of learning some thing new… step back and fuck it… and the answer will come… it letting go of a focused determination to find the one single answer that applies to you in this particular situation… fuck it… a deep body sigh… the answer is there… laugh… laughter is the best of ways to break the state… to open your mind to the universe at large… when you teach you are also learning how to teach… how to reach another… how to motivate them to learn more… in teaching we pull the other within the realm of our imagination… we impart our knowledge… and in return they teach us… each knot unfolds… each is lifted beyond the frame work or our need… we face the challenge and we succeed… because we learn what works for us and what does not… the road is not in all ways a smooth one… we will make mistakes… we will fuck up… we will miss possibilities and opportunities… fuck it… and move on… to the next one and grasp this one and hold on for the ride… we learn what we like… we are challenged by what is new to us… a challenge is not some thing we should ignore… it builds within us a series of skills… we learn because of and in spite of… a passionate teacher does more to impart the wonder of learning then an impassionate one… there are knots we need to deal with… and ones we need to cut away and reconnect… as we over come the crossing wires and missed placed intentions that create knots… it is possible to learn really learn…

I am preoccupied with a thought… important it is to deal with certain subjects as they are boring to the mind… they have limited acceptance… we teach what we can and leave the rest to the student… as much as we are passionate about what we do… some times that passion clouds our judgment… we fail to seize the opportunity to impart our knowledge along the proper pathway…

I am unsure where my mind is this morning… a slight state of confusion… unfocused… lost sense of direction swirls about me… this place is similar in nature to other places I have been… the road is a difficult one… not that I have good clarity of mind in normal conditions… for I am not one that wastes a lot of energy in clarity of pictures to grasp some thing… the grasp clears the picture for a moment or two… the feeling drives the view… the sound drives the view… the view rarely drives the sound or the sense in my being… un-tethered is a wonderful place to be… yet different… take the mind and control it… take the deep state of mind and make it deeper still…

The image I hear reflected on the surface I grasp freely and easily… a picture framed in reference speaks to me of the road yet to be felt under ones feet… a casual panoramic view comes into play grasped by the imagination… the effect of trying is that it becomes more difficult to do then just letting go… being aware of the path my mind takes is less for me then allowing the creative flux to happen… colors appear in endless ripples of sound… water flows across the senses in deeper reflection… reaching beyond ones initial ability is a challenge in the conscious… I learned a lot yesterday… there is a lot for me to do in terms of using… expanding the premise once granted me… it is not so much about what I am already doing well…as to bring to the conscious mind what needs to be enriched consciously to become unconscious… the light is along the tunnel and when the time comes a single light can illuminated the entire process from sight to sound to touch…

I have in all ways known that my mind tended to find its way to a certain pattern and would remain within that pattern for daze… we like what is the same and comfortable for us and yesterday was uncomfortable in a humorous way… the bonds we share build for us a profound sense of purpose… I am aware of the capabilities I have… I just donut use them as well as I should or as often as I should… there are applications for use of this language… it is time to get a bit more serious about all of this… the adventure changes the world I live in…

Surprises in terms of weather are a fact of life… it is one of the true adventures we can still take… while advances are made in prediction… the truth is other factors are at play all the time and when forces combine to influence one another the perfect storm scenario occurs… the same is true of the perfect weather scenario… it is just that we usually remember the storm more…

As one begins to settle in the second thing you will notice is the slow passing of time… deep relaxation is for me a state of calm… mixed with peace… tranquility… a sense of balanced energy… the deeper one moves within side the mind the less they are able to notice outside the mind so awareness is an external ability without an internal dialogue to screw it up… language surprisingly is difficult for me when asked… not so when I rattle off in a blue streaked pattern… butt what the fuck… in reality what time is it… do you have the time are profoundly different questions… do you know how deeply you can go… is your calm state deep enough… do you have a deep state of mind where you can reflect on calm… all are questions that lead a person to go deeper still… as you are sitting there reflecting on what we have done so far you can go deeper still and learn more… the object for me though is not to use this in the same fashion… while trance work is fun and provides for me a great deal of self focus… my objective is to take this outside the world of the daze and put it within the world of the office and real life more eloquently… effortlessly… trying has never produced for me a reasonable outcome… yet experimenting with words in all ways has… so perhaps now I have finally reached the point of grasping the words in such a way as to use them properly and more effectively… the dream for me has in all ways been to let out what is in…

Some will see my silence as a push or a shove… it is a view that is reasonable… what is happening to me is not that I am cold or lack sympathy… I am at the edge of my imagination… witch for me is not a bad thing at all… it opens and creates for me alternatives that I will grasp as well as ones I will allow to slip though my fingers… as creative as I am and I know I am… single words have in all ways generated the possibility within me more effortlessly then stringed combinations… reaction on the spot for me is the challenge… and I will take it up… with a smile on my face and a sense of being me is that I can smile with pure child like desire… the reason I am here hear with you is to become better by doing what is right… it is not for me about dancing in the streets or being in the spotlight at all… it is about falling below the radar and coming home… the stretch of my imagination is in multiple directions… fluid desire happens… as well as the rolling of the waves… the problem is not that I don’t feel… it is I feel too much…

The time away is reflective time… peaceful time… wandering time… time to let go and to rearrange focus… and I am beginning to gain mine… before one can rearrange though I had to allow all things to find their proper place within the frame of my references… that was an important step for me… though for some it was perhaps a more difficult time… struggle we will when we hold another as our reference point… when the inspiration is within us… as a means to know more only we can manage to step forward and take on that challenge… we are stuck only when we make the picture of what we have to do so big and so large that it is bigger than life itself… it is not an elephant more like a mouse…

The more I wandered the farther away I was from me… I missed so much and yet I am not far behind… in some ways I am very good… in others I am a beginner… it is not my task to be a peace of the puzzle… it is my peace to connect the pieces of the puzzle…

Knowledge… opens the mind to the possibilities… in using the river we find alternatives other ways to the same end… all that enters the river moves downstream unless they are stronger then the prevailing current they are pushed down stream toward the river’s basin and eventually to the sea… only those who can fight the natural tendencies and pull themselves against the tide will prevail in going upstream… confidence is a good thing to have… competence in balance with confidence… is a better plateau to be on… as I learn and use what I have learned then the tide will rush in… how it works at home is a better indication of magic than how it works in this small environment… take a journey home… and in the forest by the river along the side of a small path that leads away find the one tree… sit beneath her wings and feel the earth speak to you… knowledge allows us to listen… to feel in every fiber of our being the road home… I am not a trainer of others… a man who can take what I have learned and pass it on in that way… the worst of me comes forth when in front… the best of me comes forth when in secret I move along the watch towers…

Passion is what I have… and an outlet for it exists… there are those among the few who have experienced the prologue and the epilog of my journey here and back again several times before… the energy centered in this space recharges the swirling winds of a change within me… it is time I know to move… I have known it before landing here… there was this element of me that stirred the delights in the wrong fashion… perhaps now I am ready… dealing with oneself as a single entity is easy… now it begins the creation of self within the framework of others… there is more to the fabric of me then the single entity… butt untruth clouds me… as prepared as I was to follow a certain way to the edge of my sanity… perhaps another path will get me there in a better frame of mind…

Patterns develop in the frame of references we allow them… patterns become a routine we exercise over and over to the better and the worse… over time the message is lost in the reaction of pure unconscious behavior… witch maintains all we have ever done… consciously I am lost in the sea of yesterday and I can’t find my way back home… mistakes I make a lot and they become the stable of the humor that is me… yesterday I laughed at me… and that is a step in the right direction… seriously I have become more then I like… butt knot as I once was before now… it helps to be reminded of the wonder of the humor that is me… I am inside my mind truly adventurous… now perhaps it is time to bring that out into the world at large… I used to care deeply what my way is or how I am taken in by others… now I am unconcerned… for my way is the way I will go…

A series of thoughts envelops me… a mist of clouds within my mind takes me down… a floating sensation… a deep wandering of the soul deeper still… a small awareness of peace and calm permeates the inner me and I sink within the waters of the mist following the traces of white tinged in the lightest blue wrapped in the warmth of a blanket… deeper in the stillness of my mind fully aware of the night… the day… the sounds around wrapped in the air pulling me deeper still… the swirling mists allow for a clean slate in mind… the feeling of floating in the mists… of letting go… of being in the clouds… surrounded by many hands lifting me while going deeper still… the floor reached and falling through… the limit reached and surpassed… the end stretched for falling through… the farthest reach of my imagination finally embraced and falling through… the end becomes just another place to fall through… to go deeper still… to find my way across the universe of my inner mind… a swirling cloud of hazy images floating by and by… going deeper and deeper still gently pulled deeper… escorted along the line… warmed by the embrace of peace… calm… deeper still… the limit known and exceeded… what does one call this state of mine…

When away from the state of bliss… or more from the routine of work play work… the tendency is to step away from the creative fabric of my being… or should I say it is more difficult to maintain the fabric of my creativity… a new place is in all ways interesting to the mind’s eye… and it takes a few daze to organize the new routine such that I get the opening… witch is not quite the truth of the matter… some times simply I have no need to write… again for me this comes not from a lack of words or thought… butt more from a increase in thoughts and words all coming at the same moment in time…

Certain states of mind allow for openness others close the door… certain words open the doors… others close them… even a good intention sometimes swings the door in a direction opposite to the intention… the mind seeks sameness… learns from what is unique and different… therefore if we wander across time we will find ways to whisper… ways to organize our thoughts… that are most useful to us… what we consider to be useful may or may knot be as useful to another… my mind is a mist… a hazy mist of thoughts… several of witch contain fleeting images that defy clarity… to me that is a perfect reflection mechanism… to another that is a lost field… what rambles on takes us some where… sow when the time comes to settle in we may have a need to vent the frustration of our day… our surroundings… family profession… live the art… and the art lives in hue…

A want is not in any way the same as a need… a want is purely a desire… a pure urge… while a need is more basic to the core of who we are… find me the path of least resistance… the way the water will run through it… find me the one thing that gives me the biggest leap… choose for me the steps to take… know more… choose for me I will the steps to take forever more… a circle is an bending line of possibilities that weaves around… a cherished smile is all that one takes with them… grant me the simpler things in life… he complicated I already have… sitting here in the state of being in between raises my curiosity then my frustration… time to search… barriers exist… how does one do that over and over and feel bad… change comes… then sleep… a wondering eye filters across the universe of my mind… she is a dream… a reality… a tranquility of mind… she is the fabric of my being stirred awake… she gets me… the same is not true of many others… I find the finger a difficult stretch to my imagination… I single me out and push me to the limit of my endurance… full throttle immersion in the flood… full tilt… know holes barred or limits set into the corners of my mind…

Perhaps the best way to find a way out is to find the way at witch you get in… step by step… inch by inch… choice by choice… if one was to be you for a day… how do they go about doing that… there are many schools of that… butt that one is really interesting… how do you know how to do this at exactly this moment in time… to find a new way perhaps the first of steps is to map the old steps… make a model of how to be hue… that certainly does create possibilities for interesting choices… in a purely scientific sense that is empirical… a means by witch to isolate the experimental process… this is what is done to yield this result… in so teaching we learn the steps we take… the pieces of our puzzle come to mind…

There are a lot of frogs out there and you have to kiss a few before you find the princess or the prince you seek… every person has one feature that is stunning to your eye… find it and concentrate on that one peace and you will find the words to speak effortlessly… the thing about rejection is that it is an affirmation of incompatibility… our minds sometimes miss the obvious… and when we are turned away it is a lesson in determination… to keep seeking what is rightfully ours… so many frogs… so many more opportunities to find the one that is for hue the perfect match…

A reflection by its very nature is a way to review what we see before us or what has already occurred… choices are made each and every day… we choose to hold on to certain things and to let go of others… traumatic events as well as trivial ones… these occurrences define us… the difference between people is how well they process the events that occur in their lives… some make the images bigger than life and hold them close while others reduce them to smaller then the smallest grain of sand and though they are part of their life they grant that single event or series of events nothing more than an awareness that they had that event in their life time… they learned and they moved on… how they make that choice… how they processed the decision is what is interesting…

I found myself lost in the influence of time… lost in a positive way… outside my mind and deep in a reflection… I am capable of many interesting challenges… the most challenging is the process by witch I guide myself… in the course of this time away I am wondering how well I will deal with the affairs of home… friends… family… the fabric of my life… there are many issues that I have… character flaws that come to light… cold is my nature… the thread of my being… parallel to my thoughts is the needs of others and how they are intertwined in my being… I feel intensely… yet it is best to control that and let the time move as it will… let the river run and cool the intensity down to a small figment… the long and the short of it… comes down to eliciting what comes after what… the difference is that in long terms… the choice must be reviewed from many different perspectives… long term choices need time to reflect on how they fit into all the aspects of my life and how they feel out into the future of my time… to the end of my time… can I see hear feel myself with this choice five… ten… twenty… etc years into the future and be happy with the choice I have made… the critical step in the processes is that in short term once the thought of feeling good is there I act… in long term choices once the thought of feeling good is there I review the choice from a variety of aspects as they relate to my life and step away for a time to do so… I over stand that with me I am a bit compulsive in my choices and there fore for me I step back… and give additional thought and pull in additional information and see if any of that dims the strong positive light for me… if it does it means I lack some information or that perhaps this is not the correct choice for me… or it brings to light some information that alters my choice… all good things come from good process of education… direction and execution… even if the choice turns out to be not the best one… the process of making it was… we did all the things we could… what else could we have done… what do we need to do for the next time… I learned a great deal purchasing my very first car… more when I purchased my first home… and with each major purchase I made in my life until now I am pretty good at making choices that have long term effects on my life… taking that same method I have applied to purchasing I can see some things in my professional life and personal life that could have used a better process… with each I have learned to walk the line a bit more cautiously and not to just jump… patience is a virtue in choice… in creating the environment for decisions… having the ability to generate an unexplainable sense of peace and calm in the midst of chaos of choice… is a valuable skill…

We all make choices that are for what ever reason positive or negative by their outcome… though if we do all the right steps what we learn is that time will allow us an opportunity to find success… in the midst of a negative outcome… or shall I say it as more of a less then positive outcome… or a result less then what we expected to have… many factors influence outcomes of choices… for example on a home… we could have the home inspected for insects pests etc… and learn later we have a problem… we did what was correct yet we learn as a home owner there are always things we can’t anticipate… witch is a good lesson in life… so what else are you not noticing now… even the best of plans have flaws when our minds become focused on knowing the way… the best course is to have a direction… and a clarity of goal… the rest well life may have some side tracks and some alternatives we may wish to sample… as long as we keep our eye on the objective we will find our way home…

All life is science… until it is not… we are chemical and atomic… if you break it down to the very basic levels… so what ever we ingest does become part of our chemistry… there is an old saying you are what you eat… and in time we all get to experience that… because our bodies after a time tire of the abuse we heap upon it in our youth… as we add what is right for us and filter out what is left we begin to enrich our body mind and spirit… that does at times give us paws…

Life does provide twists and turns… sometimes that happens in the raging storm of tumultuous change at others in the turning of a corner… or rounding of a bend… when suddenly we find ourselves in a some where we never intended to be… with only our wits and intelligence to get us through… of course we have all the skills we need… the trip down this road is just the proof our imagination requires…

There are moments when we find ourselves on the edge… and we must choose a direction… we must decide how to move… we can persist in spite of what we sense to move ourselves in the right direction or we can feel sorry for ourselves… as children we learn to play the cards we are dealt… if a person responds to a particular set of rules we play them… taking advantage of their sensitivities… the possibility to learn comes when we encounter someone who doesn’t respond as we expect… who refuses to move with us as so many others have… so here we sit upon this edge or at this cross road and now we are forced to choose a direction… if is so easy when we step back and let another lead us across… so much easier to be small and insignificant in our own lives… so what direction do we choose… we can fall back into old patterns and old routines that have gotten us here… that is an option… we can leap across and do what we know is right for us… each has its risks… each has its potential for success and for failure… knot deciding however is a choice… it says let the world take care of me… and while the world can take care of you it is usually not in the best of ways… the world has categories labels routines that force one into a particular mold before they take care of you… once there once ensconced in a cubicle with a label for the rest of your natural life will you race to free yourself of that… my preference is to be unique within the system of sameness… to go beyond the reach of the universe to other universes in other galaxies to find my way back home… around the bend and around the block to me is the same as around the universe and home again… to me that takes as much effort as walking a block in your imagination… so what stops you… fear… fear of failing… except and here is the strange part… to knot leap means you embrace failure as your only option… more have failed or accepted failure by knot choosing then those who have and fell short… falling short at least gives you a better range for the next time… knowledge on what is required for the leap of faith you need to take… so we find ourselves on the edge wanting some one to grasp hold of us and say this way… when in reality we need to follow our own way and the only one who knows our way is us… it may seem difficult butt only we know the direction home… know one else can lead us to our sense of peace… comfort and our tranquility… home is where we are most at peace with the world we live in… and know matter how far away you go you are in all ways seeking to find your way back home… to be surrounded by the fabric of your being… at peace with the world… with yourself… if I can find my way… then any one at any time can find their way back home… what trips the mind to awakening is the switch that turns the light on… in the darkness even a small flame illuminates the darkened passage…

Patience is a virtue I lack in sufficient quantities…

Sympathy is another one of those characteristics I seemed to have missed on my way here…

Some where in between where I began and where I am due to end up… a logical place it is that I stopped along the way after so many miles and a bit of time… I prefer the time on the road to the time waiting… the freedom to move when I wish… the flexibility of time and direction… the road has possibilities for me… while I do love home and the security that brings… the road calls at times… there is adventure on the road… you never know…

The idea called to me in sleep… in the waning seconds of sleep and pushed me to awaken… yet now that I am awake… what was it that shook me up and out of the comfort of my warm bed… the natural routine of life happens… we find the patterns that work for us… the morning routine the daily routine the nightly routine… the routes we travel even the ways in witch we relax ourselves become routine and none of that is a difficult or a problem until the same processes by witch we are capable of growing… deny us the growth we desire… the routines we surround ourselves with can be instrumental in us reaching beyond what is possible… if used correctly that thread of wonder can be weaved in and out of each and every pattern we have… yet there are times when we need are required to step out of the norm… the routines we have set and challenge ourselves to be more then the patterns… to think freely and openly… to un-tether ourselves… to take off the safety harness and leap… patterns are wonderful expressions of our creativity… our ability to structure and give meaning to what we do… they provide a secure place for us as we live each day… when we develop interesting and challenging patterns that push and pull us outside our security blankets to learn more… to enjoy more… to feel more… it is then that we are using the tools within to the highest potential…

We live in separate worlds or spheres that influence us… the world changes… becomes more interesting with each passing day… we become familiar with the challenges of living as we listen to one another… while we all have similar desires each has some unique to themselves… one on one people are basically the same with a few unique qualities… once grouped by region… politics or religion the difficulties begin to arise more profoundly… having been born and raised in a place where freedom is assumed a right I have difficulty with those who restrict the expression of freedom… even among ourselves there are those who wish to suspend freedoms for the common good… or for the security of all… when just the opposite is required… inconvenience is one thing… and even that is tolerated only for a short time… what we wish and desire more than anything else is to be free… once tasted freedom is intoxicating to the mind heart and soul… yet we over stand that certain freedoms are more privileges then rights… that we can restrict them for the common good… what we should guard against is even feeling that a central idea is more important than a regional or local one… as an individual I know what is best for me… an official some where miles away has no idea what is best for me… the less I have to deal with that the better… yet I know to have freedom… to have security a certain amount of government is required… I want less… the less the better… these spheres of influence have touched my life… I suspect that more will enter my perspective as time goes on… the world is an interesting and ever changing landscape of ideas… in the end good men will prevail over the ones who wish to control by force… good ideas always rule in the end… when time and routine fall short… be flexible enough to leap out of the patterns you have set and run free… the freedom to select what is best for you is a right you should never willingly give up… eventually we all find ourselves… we all grasp hold of who we are… in the light of that knowledge we change the small part of the world… the sphere we surround ourselves with… and that in turn changes the world beyond us… with each influence there is the possibility that we change some one for the better knot only of themselves… butt for others as well…

Being away or going away… setting off… going off… gathering steam to leave… peddling in the opposite direction towards some where else… the west coast is as inviting as the eastern shore… casual male is like saying casual sex… are males ever causal… or females ever even tempered… the frost is the colds way of touching you without stripping you naked and tossing you in the sea… the growing is the concern… not the concern for growing… we grow weather we stand still or move so enjoy the movement… in fact movement increases the pleasure… or so I am told… knot that I shake more than the normal male… follow the lead and let out some line… follow the lead and let the fish run with the bait until they tire out and you can pull them inside without much of a fight… or you can fight them tooth and nail… take them on man to fish… frying pan in hand… skillet at the ready… a bit of spice to add some life to the adventure… however it ends up there will be talk…

Time to wander off to the edges of my imagination and see if the edge is as cutting as one says…

After I arrived butt before I attuned myself to being… the thought of being in a transient state appealed to me… not quite there yet and know longer here where we are accustomed to being… a room with a view this time… a little bit off the beaten track butt still nice in an odd sort of way… hotel rooms are what one would call nice… yet they are ones home away from home… driving is a pleasure… even in the rain it was nice to just let the car take me… when the sun filtered through it was an even more enticing adventure… there were a couple of moments when I wished I had my camera ready or that I could have stopped and taken a picture… there is something romantic to me about the open road… witness I was to a cloud of birds… moving in poetry across the sky… framed against the cloudy sky it was some thing to see… for a good distance in either direction… witch is what grasped my mind…

There is poetry in motion… it is a pity I possess none of that particular quality…

If we allow ourselves the possibility we can accomplish great things… the trick is to allow ourselves the opportunity to fail… as well as to succeed… if all we ever do is safe and secure… we will have success… butt we will in always wonder… then again if all we ever do is reach for the stars we may see our efforts as failures… it seems to me that a delicate balance is required… where we strive to do what is in our hearts that is possible and still reach beyond what we dream is possible… in that way we have a balance in our lives…

Letting go is about love… to let go requires a deep respect and love… holding on is the easy thing to do… holding on says I will protect you… keep you safe… letting go says that I trust you to do what is best… that takes a lot…

A long ride is an adventure in exploration… to take a long ride means one keeps the interest… keeps the eye keen and the senses aware of the reactions they are getting… a long ride requires one to follow the sighs… till they over flow in your imagination…

The way we do the things we do… strikes a chord in the symphony of our life… we fall across interests as we sample the variety of possibilities… to know we must become aware of our talents… cultivate them and then put them to use… the more we do so the more we are aware of our abilities to get things done… or to move on in life…

A river is a great metaphor for life… for how time passes us even when we tie ourselves down to a place… like the water running past time keeps moving forward… so much time is spent wondering about what was or insisting that what happened in the past be acknowledged in the future… perhaps that is necessary… I have never sought that kind of closure in my life… I suspect I never will… in many regards I am that isle that stone fortress or rock… we have family… friends… people we speak with yet there are those we wish to embrace that we can’t mange yet to hold… over time we come to the frustrating point of saying that is all I can do… there is know more… it is what it is and it is time to move with the river and let time heal each in their own way… when the time is correct there will be another collision… another coming together of the waters tributaries… and we may find ourselves embracing that witch we never could before…

Words flow… endlessly… when given the time to settle in past the pleasantries… the river of words will flow… over and over in my mind I ponder thoughts about where I am going and find that my steps are often one forward one side… one forward one back… clarity never being one of my senses I have learned to embrace the mist… being within the framework of unclear sight allows me to experiment with what I hear… what I feel… taste… smell… to use the other skills I have in unusual ways… a tree is a tree… while a large group of them is a forest… butt that does not mean that the individual tree has lost its value or individuality within the forest… that singular tree is one peace of the entire scheme of the forest… words flow out… along the shore… in the center… to the sides… one step forward and then steps side to side and back… perhaps we dance in a spot for a few days before we find our way forward… words help… our minds find ways to dig and poke and release our anger… our fear… our aggression toward one another… so it goes… the path down that avenue is closed to me… not because it is barred butt because I refuse to wander there… to embrace the anger… the fear to me is destructive… I am not about destroying to move forward… I am about building upon what is there… there is know more to give then the words… know more to share then what the words stir… know more to look forward to then what the words can create in your dreams and imagination… we have choice… the ability to make our own decisions… free will… that needs and should be exercised… know following… know leading… know what it means to walk alone and besides… know the power of your words… the melody you create with your thoughts… the gift is hue… the shared experience of life… the births to the deaths… and all the days in the between times… we have sat along this road and talked until the morning light has dawned… passed I have the need to destroy… to render the walls useless… use them… to deflect and detach… to keep at bay… to protect… the gift is still hue… the gift remains the product of your sharing… that never changes nor does the sense of things… blind I have been… sightless in the wanderings along silent pathways… and I have found my way… as have many… the world is a forest… made up of individual trees… words flow when you allow them to… when you embrace them… when you are open to peace and calm… in that state of mind you know more…

What appears at times as a difficulty or burden is in reality an opportunity to shine… a time to step up and create… it may appear as being a bit more then you can handle… butt grasp it with both hands and persist in moving forward until you have learned all you can from this… then you will see the difficulty for what it truly was… an opportunity to learn more… to know more about yourself… and how you fit into the world around you…

The process of learning requires growth… in body… mind… spirit… we learn in a variety of ways… from good experiences as well as bad ones… we learn from each person we come in contact with… from adults as well as from children… we find our way by trial and error… trial and success… experiment and results… adjustments and refinements… keeping in mind what the final result needs to be… or what it is desired to be helps to keep the mind focused… yet a singularly focused mind is not the most open or flexible mind… one should keep their eye on the larger picture… stay focused on what the goal is… at the same time one should not ignore the signs… or fail to take full advantage of the opportunities that present themselves… learning requires nothing of us… we learn in spite of who is teaching… we learn with the aid of others… we are helped and we help… we are both the student and the teacher… if you allow yourself the opportunity… learning is ease and effortless… with each breath you take in you learn some thing new… with each exhale you over stand some thing about what you already know more about… taking time to reflect on what it is that you know more of allows the mind and the imagination to run wild… and running wild is what the mind enjoys the most… in starting we begin what never ends… from birth to death… from school to work… from everyone and know one in particular we learn… and we grow… we mature… we sculpt ourselves… what I have learned is that for me… it has become easy… very easy to grasp the wonder of a single thread and weave it over and over…

As the river flows… at the bend just south of where I stand… one river meets another… a confluence of directions one from here and the other from over there… a mixture of water from far and near… a melting point of sorts… or melding point would be more appropriate… the water moves on… leaving only a deposit along the banks… a small reminder of where it has been… the river grows… ebbs and then flows… i n spring with the thawing winter snow the river grows wide and deep and presses it self against the bank filled to the brim with resources… knowledge… energy… possibility… as the year wears on… feed by spring rains and summer storms the river continues to roll toward the sea… it is a metaphor for life… one cannot stop in any one place for long… there is only so much time we have along the banks before we are pulled down stream once more… the water moves on even when we tether ourselves… the water as times does moves on… in my mind I am the present… the here and now… I am my past… what I have done… I am yet to be the future me based on the foundation of who I once was and am now… as the river flows it moves on toward a better tomorrow… taking with it peaces of yesterday… it is a wonderful lesson in learning… in growing… take with you what is right and has value leaving behind what is left…

As we move on though life we come to confluences… we find ourselves at forks… we come to dead ends… have needs to double back… climb fences… blaze new trails across open fields…navigate dense forests… climb mountains… experience the open road… the closed highway… the winding country path as well as the city speedway… as life takes us… we lose control until we take us… until we are the ones driving the bus… taking the steps forward… how we manage to reach that place is unique for each of us… yet reach it we do… open we are to the influences of others and some times rely on them we do… some times the need is ours… and we willingly give what we should not…words are what we exchange… what we share… what influences us and takes our breathe away…

Some Words from the Bee Gees…

Smile an everlasting smile, a smile can bring you near to me.
Don’t ever let me find you down, cause that would bring a tear to me.
This world has lost its glory let’s start a brand new story now, my love.
Right now, there’ll be no other time and I can show you how, my love.

Talk in everlasting words, and dedicate them all to me.
And I will give you all my life I’m here if you should call to me.
You think that I don t even mean a single word I say.
Its only words and words are all I have, to take your heart away

Some More Along the river of dreams from Billy Joel…

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
From the mountains of faith
To a river so deep
I must be looking for something
Something sacred I lost
But the river is wide
And it’s too hard to cross

And even though I know the river is wide
I walk down every evening and I stand on the shore
And try to cross to the opposite side
So I can finally find out what I’ve been looking for

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the valley of fear
To a river so deep
And I’ve been searching for something
Taken out of my soul
Something I would never lose
Something somebody stole

I don’t know why I go walking at night
But now I’m tired and I don’t want to walk anymore
I hope it doesn’t take the rest of my life
Until I find what it is that I’ve been looking for

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the jungle of doubt
To a river so deep
I know I’m searching for something
Something so undefined
That it can only be seen
By the eyes of the blind
In the middle of the night

I’m not sure about a life after this
God knows I’ve never been a spiritual man
Baptized by the fire, I wade into the river
That runs to the promised land

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Though the desert of truth
To the river so deep
We all end in the ocean
We all start in the streams
We’re all carried along
By the river of dreams
In the middle of the night

What we do for ourselves we do for others… what we have within and share with ourselves we share with others… love begins within… compassion within… to over stand another is to over stand oneself… the journey is a lesson in over standing what you already possess… having things is different then having awareness… things allow for tangible connections… awareness is a fleeting sense… when you are aware you can dance in the glow of the state of peace that is hue… once you are there forever does it linger on your lips8 0 an unexplainable sense of peace… the reason it is so elusive is because it is hue… how do you find what you are in a tangible sense… how do you explain the depth of your soul or the love in your heart… words are all we have to share that convey what we sense… butt in the stillness of the silent hours when the words fall away… who we are is held up to a much different light… what we do for ourselves at times is a striking contrast to what we would do for another… the strongest and most enduring bonds are those forged as separate entities combined as a peace of the other… each is a peace… each is separate… each is surrounded… each surrounds… each lives within… each lives without… each is the total of the other and of themselves… that ability is within each of us… all we need do is find it within ourselves to be the soul we are… not what we believe we need to be… not what others believe we should be… not what seems the easiest or the most rewarding monetarily… what we need to be is the soul we are… and we know who that is when we are at peace… the walk is about peace… about finding ones way to the inner peace of their soul… what we do for others begins with what we do for ourselves… much easier it is at times to do for another then to do for ourselves… it is said charity begins at home it is a saying I agree with… one is unable to give of themselves… until they are aware of who they are and what they have to give… other wise the gift is limited… and when the gift has the potential of hue… should we not at least be aware of the scope… find the peace within that allows one to choose… to measure the choices that appear… so that when on the road and it forks… that one makes a choice and moves on… all the tumbling dice in the world will not help… awareness is the key… be aware of the inner peace…

Space and time matter… within the framework of this time we create… what we leave can be traced back to us… what limits us… is the use of our time… in choice we have fabricated the past… in choosing now we build the foundation that will become tomorrow… what the future holds is uncertain the further we move out… yet we can seize upon this moment to create… to set a direction… to focus movement towards… this space in time matters… as unable we are to control the time we are born into… we are also unable to control how other sue the time they are granted… all we can ever do is skill fully use the time granted to us… use it as carefully and as magically as we can to create a more productive tomorrow… this is the beginning… the threshold of the dream… the ending to the night… the dawning of the day… this is the moment now… how we use it how we master the dawn… the full light of the day… the falling into dusk… the warm blanket of night… how we use every aspect of our day speaks to us… and we speak back in time… by our steps… the mark we leave on the surface of the earth… space and time matter…

Once we find ourselves along the precipice… the only course is to refuse… while choosing steps carefully… life is impossible to lead when we are in a constant state of concern over how we will be perceived… after a period of time… we need to step back away from the edge and give ourselves the benefit of moving forward without… I am not an advocate of giving up to gain… I prefer to keep what is there and move on… having said that… that does not mean in any way that we take on or sit along the edge so that is works for another… what I mean by it is that we move along… we grow… and we allow the other to move along and grow… I used to burn the bridges and trash the passages… unproductive use of anger I found after a time… I refuse to be the doormat… butt then I am not conducive to people to begin with… I tend not to like people as a rule… we all play these games based on relationships and experience that tire me… be who you are… accept what comes your way because of it… apologize when you say or do some thing that harms another that you did not intend… and move on… the theme for me is move on… more and more… keep moving on… growing… taking care… embracing the day… looking forward to the next time… so many get trapped in what was… they forget to enjoy now… create better memories… indulge your sense of humor… burn the candle right down from both ends until then burn each other out… keep the possibility of communication there… listen closely to the fading music as well as to the one slipping in… once you have felt the cut of the edge… stood on the precipice for some time… you are more so then not tired of the games… and just look at life from an aspect they are unable to see… we are all blind… all deaf… all unfeeling… we all possess the ability to over come… some just refuse in spite of themselves to do the right thing… hell is what we make of it… know more nor less… some are beyond our touch… some are beyond the touch of anyone at all… yet touch them we can… even if they refuse to heal… we need knot take the anger… the fear… the frustration with us… we need only deposit it on the side of the road as we move on…