The passage to is joined by some and if called how do we answer… an invitation or request can be left in the breeze… for some that is the answer… others will embrace it as a possibility… many are called and few step up to the challenge… that is part of life though… and I believe that all we can do is ask… put a proposal out and grant an opportunity for any one who wishes to add their particular point of view… there have been times when the mind allows the portal to open so wide and so perfectly that we slip inside and move from one place on the earth to another… that is for me a true poetic moment… and if that moment is shared… it becomes magical… a true bonding of the fabrics of individual lives to one experience is for me a powerfully magical moment in time… for it bonds those who contribute to that moment into eternity… we are capable of a great deal… we need only be open to what that is… our view of the world comes from the window from witch we view it… our slant is how we tint the window… that comes from our experiences as we wander through life… each day colors our world… each moment in time with time paints us with a pallet of colors we use… as we expand the use of color… we gain access to different hues and tints by witch to view the world around us… the more shades we employ… the more possibilities exist… in endless hues of colors the shadows fade and light filters in…

The thing with light is how we view it… how we use the opening of our eyes to see the world… how we apply the light to the world around us… what intensity we use… what filters we slide into place… a tint of color here or there changes our perception of the picture before our eyes… if we approach a situation with a particular color we can alter our experience… in so doing we can learn easier… or perhaps avoid a difficult experience simply by our use of color…

The path down can dominate the mind… just as easily the path up can do the same… in making a choice we are consciou for a time of directing our minds… butt after a while we follow the routine we have set into place… be that one of optimism or pessimism… hope or despair… and once set we no longer are aware of the direction… so effortless the view becomes that we even believe otherwise… a pessimist who believes themselves to be optimistic is an interesting twist… but that is more the norm… people don’t believe they are that dark… even when they see the dark in all things a round them…

My mind can change direction in an instant… it often does… a sensual sexual side to me I have… and it is easy to slide down that path without much encouragement… I do find that it helps me to focus… or to get perspective when I lose it… a vivid imagination in that regard is especially interesting… or in my mind necessary to trip the mind… good feelings sometimes need to be super charged and sensual energy is that supercharger… for some reason that kind of energy focuses the mind singularly and passionately… from there one can make adjustments more easily… for in intimacy it is not about self it is about the other and it is not about the large as much as about the nuances of touch… that bring about the best reactions… the simple things in life are those accomplished together and sex is a coupling thing… and still it does give one the skills to know they can bring another to the edge of sanity and then push them over into blissful wondering for a time… we sex we sense Godde even for a split second…

Questions become the portals to discovery… once posed they direct the mind toward an answer or an exploration to an answer and once moving the mind can fall upon a wide variety of new and interesting experiences… we learn or gain knowledge of the talents we have by the journey we take… being fearless in learning is truly a talent one needs to fully explore…the more we over stand that we know very little the better able we are to learn…

Choice is very powerful… and often times we fail to grasp the full effect of what we are engaged in… what seems simple on the surface can at times be a web beneath… each choice we make allows for a variety of other choices… butt one that does not work out does not dominate our lives… we can always choose again… the thing about that is are we of the proper mind set to do so…

The technology we rely on so heavily can at times be our undoing… just when we need it to be there for us it slips away… that aspect of it perplexes me… butt then there is that sense that without it how would we find the time to share as we do… this technology allows us to bring together that witch would not be together otherwise… so in that sense I should be thank full for the moments I get… still there are times when I want to take the wires or wireless in this case and toss it away… that frustration I believe is a universal one that a number of people share or that we all share at one time or another… there are some universal truths… and frustration with technology is one of them I am sure…

A proposal came to mind… indecent at first… for that is the way my mind works butt after a time I rearranged it from one perspective to another and decent it became in the light of what I know… in sending it the thought is allowed to escape to other minds… and when minds of unique and differing perspectives come to light on a particular place they spread alternatives to the other mine… and stir more threads into the tapestry… the more minds we bring the more alternatives we are able to project… the surface is a clean slate or canvas and when we place the picture into the frame we all will react in a different way… and that is what makes the experience interesting to me…

We do take on tasks that after a time become some what different then what we originally signed on for… at some point we may even see them as burdens or responsibilities where before we saw them as tasks we wished to do for the greater good… altruistic we can be for a time eventually that takes a toll and our generosity can be twisted to another’s benefit…

In writing we get lost in the flow of the magic as we find our way around the daze we are in… reproductions are the heart of an artist… we are in all ways trying to redo our latest master peace… if we only could find that magic once more… if we could only just step back into the mood we were in and transcribe the moments we could get there… what I have found is that it is much easier to just put that aside and move along the path to the next convergence of thought… I love reproductions of art and in time I will possess some originals and some copies… and I feel free to copy what I come across that inspires me… you know that when words are eaten it is a means by witch we are being told to do some thing more… challenged we are to come up with a wandering pathway… as a path finder… and tour guide we all get to show others the way… it can be a burden at times… but it is a delight filled burden to arrange the passage of wonder into another’s memory…

The thought is that likes attract likes and that opposites repel… when in fact the reverse is true in nature… all the same peas are not pulled together in one pod… there are laws in nature that allow for the numbers to find a way to the mind… when deep in thought one should ask what the number means… to me numbers have in all ways held certain unique characteristics… the following is a sequence of numbers I associate with hue… 22 11 19 13 35 the last number of this sequence is not clear… now I would not put all my chips into one number butt into a few variations of numbers… while I can think in some terms of the wonder of numbers… the fact is that so many are focused on finding the correct combination that it is some what chaotic… butt I over stand the process yes and I will keep you aware of the numbers that fall into mind…

Happiness is an internal state of mine… in being happy we glow from the inside out… the state of mind ignites the flame in others by your presence and it is contagious… any state of mine is a state of yours… any place I can go you can wander in freely… happiness is one of those pathways that invites others with open arms and embraces them in an endless loop of smiles laughter and delight in being who they are… I am most happy when surrounded by hue…

In doing we stop… in starting we begin to end the hesitation steps we employ to find our way… at once slow and then rolling faster down the hill we gather speed until we are on the edge of being out of control… madness sets in as the ball rolls… as the bell tolls in the church steeple… here is the wonder where are all the people… we stop… we wander along looking for the crossing of the road to sit upon the largest rock that looks like a bear and wait for the bear to roam bye that was the model for the artist’s rendering… a true masterpiece of rack and hand chiseled out and stood along the side of the side rode as we do past so many times we fail to notice the real one… a perfect picture of family wonder… around the tree gathered in mind and waiting for the plunder… the trials of so many years comes to this moment in time as a series of lessons learned and moments remembered… perhaps it is necessary to wander before one crawls…

The world has slopes and plateaus… and as we climb to one we seize upon another… and when we reach and stretch out our minds to capture it another appears on the horizon to captivate our imagination… in so doing we open our minds to the ever changing possibility and opportunities that are before us…

What I have found in dealing with old patterns is that it is best to change how we react to them… of how we emotionally react to them so that a sense of center or peace is kept while the pattern is pursued by the other… this has allowed me to see and then to react in difference… in most cases in a more positive way… change does not have to be profound or a leap to make the other aware… in fact most of the time I have noticed that a slight alteration does more for lasting change then a huge leap… and those slights are ways of saying what we wish to say in ways that are easy for us and get our message across to the other side… there are times though when the barriers are thick with past history and it does take a bit more sledgehammer to drive the nail in…

Having hope is not a flaw in you… having hope is a great part of your personality… you never seem to give up hoping that they will change and embrace responsibility for themselves… it is part of what makes you who you are… if you take away the wonder of your ability to hope… even foolishly… it takes away from the wonder of who you are… I would say to you to keep hoping that one day they will open their eyes so that when they do you can embrace the change in them…

The normal routine for me does not return to the beginning of next week and up until then I will try to find as many ways not to do normal things… butt I am a bit boring in that I love to write… read… sit and talk… enjoy the company of others… even in silence… to be comfortable enough to not have to talk is a true gift…

We can search for the perfect fit and never seem to find it… and then out of know where in particular some one we know gives us the opportunity and our eyes open and we are presented with what is the perfect peace to our puzzle…

When receiving a gift we often have expectations of what that gift will be or what we may find wrapped inside… the expectation taints the gift that resides within the fabric… the gift is in the giving… it resides in the act of thought… collection and giving… yes what you received was not completely what you wanted… but is was in many ways what you asked for… and what you needed to put into perspective the time before… all life is a test of what you have learned… of where you are now and what direction you are focused on going… as we experience each gift we assign them a place in our hearts… and this one was expected to be more so nit will not have that place… it is a sign to you of what you expect and want… what you consider appropriate from me and what you truly want me to think about you… your expectation was that it would contain more yet it contains a lot more then you realize… each of those tapes were assembled some time ago with a deep passion… when you listen to them… hold them in your hands if you are open to it you will feel the thoughts I had while making them… if not perhaps one day you will… I have hope for you… I believe that one day you will…

When we hold our expectations within… and never release them in soft conversation we do ourselves an injustice… for when we hold in we selfishly ignore the others around us… we never allow them the freedom to hear our words… we assume they know… it is that assumption that traps us…

In sending you a gift I wrapped each in a thought that escaped once the package was opened… see within this things… these tangible pieces of plastic and tape… of metal and paper the thoughts I have had of you over the years we have known one another… sense in these things my heart and my soul… it is a challenge to you to look at all that you have… to take stock of what is there for you day after day and week after week and now year after year… in to the second decade of time we are… I set before you a challenge to see yourself as the object of this passion as the inspiration of these words… music… efforts and thoughts… I know how difficult an expectation not reached is… how much it hurts to open some thing expecting one thing and finding a collection of old things already received… a re-gift of sorts… and now as you wander in mind you feel a sense of hurt injustice… a thought of uncaring occupies your mind… what you see is what you didn’t get in the amongst the many things you did… and within the many that you did get exists an entire history of time that we have spent growing with one another… so perhaps it is time to allow you time to take stock… arrange in your mind what is important and for you to say what is important to you… in my mind these things were what was needed more then a letter… a card… or a sensual peace of clothing… these things to me spoke of history and foundation on witch one can build a life time of closeness…

Lessons are not about who you are to me… they are about who you are to you… the effect is being what you are about… who gives a shit what I think… or what I believe should be… it is not in one instant about any thing of that sort… we become what we believe ourselves to be… the entire message I was sending was that all life tests you… it is not about pass and fail… it is about growing and learning… you are who you are and when you begin to enjoy that and like that then the changes you seek will happen… you are trying so hard to be some thing for me that you forget to be you… and forget that it is you first and fore most that I like… you place way too much emphasis on what I think or believe or say… what I am doing is giving you ideas… suggestions comments based on what Io sense they are in no way an absolute truth… stop now taking what I say as the ultimate reality… start now taking what you desire to be the truth and move in that direction… I believe we all get to have the life we choose… and I am having difficulty believing this is what you want… so perhaps you need to just say fuck it all and move on to some thing worth having… stuck you are in this spiral of feeling good and then not… and needing to find reason and rhyme in the folds of the trees… there is no logic in what I say at all… it is just what came to my mind…

The pendulum swings… as often as one reaches the other stretches… in sew doing we make the effort seem strained… what was once easy has become an challenge… and that in itself speaks volumes… relationships suddenly find themselves in rough seas… that is part of the process… if it means some thing to you… time is taken to right the ship and fight the sea… if it does not then you turn for safe harbor and leave the other to struggle on alone… never have I considered the easy way around such obstacles… and this is no different… what I do realize is that my state of mine has become some what uneasy… and while I long for the effortless communication we once had… I know that I only have to hold on long enough for that to swing pass once more…

What I realize most of all is that you find fault in what ever I write… in so doing that colors my world in such a way as to prevent the free flow of words as they once existed… it is difficult to find peace… yet I do find it…

I take you in my arms… hold you to my breast and kiss you deeply… a kiss of passion… a kiss that speaks… a kiss that takes your breathe away… know words need to be said… know words can satisfy the desire… know words can bridge the chasm… time is when time is necessary to freeze time in the stillness and find a way to illicit sighs and expand moans without words being spoken… hands… lips and finger tips… bodies lost in motion… passion exerted and released…sometimes action is what is required…

Knot being able to is different then knot wanting to… technology is a wonderful thing until you can’t get it to work… then it is both frustrating and confusing… especially when it should and it doesn’t… I have to wonder is it me… or something unseen… I will assume it is some thing unseen… butt of course it could be me…

Dawn arrives to the scent of you… the feel of your warmth caressing me awake… pulling me from the peaceful slumber to the awakened state of awareness… all the while allowing my imagination to flow openly to you… to breathe you in and stir my emotions… passion is a kiss the feel of your lips upon mine… the taste of your body… the sweet fragrance of hue carrying over me… filling my lungs and sending shock waves of delight… dawn has arrived and it is time to awaken from the dream and step into the reality with just one more touch of hue to stir my imagination…

Toss a word or two and I can find a thread to follow within it… the fabric is woven by the constant interweaving of a single thread of one with the single thread of another and then another until a tapestry of interconnected threads appears before your eyes… though we exist we do so because of others… it is not just one butt many… as we roam across the world we touch upon the fabric of many… by the hand of others we are fed clothed and have the services required to survive in this world of ours… as much as we would like to believe we can survive alone… it does take a bit of help to get from one day to another… and the sooner we wake up to that realization the better off we are…

I have a vivid imagination… one that allows me to take a single thought and expand upon it in many different ways… perhaps that is a good thing or perhaps it is not… I can imagine being what I am not nor will ever be… that does not deter me from imagining it… just from bringing it into reality… I know better then to assume I could be this or that in reality… butt to others they can and it is okay that they can and do… reality deos not have to be cruel just as real as we believe it should be… in dreaming we can bring things into reality we may not have thought possible… in doing so we release the power of a dream into the reality of the world… we are surrounded by dreams… every piece or thing we use today was once dreamed up by another… from the things we eat to the tools we use… each and every little thing was once another’s dream brought into reality… we not always get what we want in life butt we surely get what we need… one has to believe in fate to survive the wonder of each day as it unfolds…

Of f to one side of the path rests another one slowly appearing at the edge of the darkness… a single light illuminated the opening for a split second in time… the rolling clouds of mist swirling in the early morning light shrouded the possibility that another possibility existed… a step assured that another road was there I slipped along its edge and found a clarity of vision to see beyond the veil… the pot called the kettle and set it upon a flame… in time the flame rose to the heat that boiled away and shook the foundation… with time and heat one can set to boiling even the hardest of hearts… falling along the wandering stream and down across the sands of time I step… the fabric of me stretched back and across the days I have wandered previously… the minute we stop and look back we are aware of where we have been and how far we have come… the more we carry the more we forgot to leave… taking the world upon our shoulders while on one hand noble is on the other hand futile… when we let out we let in… as we breathe we are in essence being shown how to take in… learn and then release what we no longer need… what so many of us forget is that it is important to let go the exhausted useless elements that no longer provide nutrients or help… we tend to cling to what we know and forget how to learn new and different things… and we are especially blind when it comes to love and the difference between what we want and what we need…

There is that thought in waiting that the train will never come that the car will never arrive that the forces that are around us will prevent the destiny of a convergence of paths… we can wait forever it would seem for a switch to be flipped… we could end up wondering if the tide will ever come in or go out… we can dance to another tune and listen to the swirling winds of change… or we can wait for the train as one would wait for good doe… a fruitless adventure for they never arrive… the journey is the process of waiting… of learning patience… of allowing the hand of fate to touch your life as we wait in line for what is coming down the wire… the runaway train running along the track at breakneck speed… the endless journey… an adventure for sure… perhaps waiting for the good doe is in itself a journey of learning more about oneself…

Variety is the true spice that makes things interesting… of course it does depend on what we wish to have variety with or whom… there is that process of change that allows for experimenting with difference… to find a means by witch to express oneself… I spell as I do some times knot because I have this need to be so unique… it could just be I want the sound and forget how to accomplish that with the correct word or phrase… or it could be I simply can’t spell for shit…

To wander with time is a great pleasure… having done so often I find time to be an unusual companion… a constant flow of information time provides… and the endless movement is at times exhausting… butt though it all time does teach valuable lessons and intriguing stories do unfold when one stands with time… often we wonder how we got to the time we live in or ponder the reason why we are alive at this junction in time… butt those are fruitless endeavors to consider… we can do nothing with that… all we can do is use the time granted to us and make the best of our hopes and dreams within the frame work of time granted to us by Godde and the hands of fate…

Sitting here in the comfort of one place my mind wanders to another place… a place where time can stand still… a time where I can strip away the pretense and lay down in the warmth of another and feel to my soul… it is not often that so comfortable a sensation occurs between people… familiar as we are… as intimate as we are… we often fail to be vulnerable to some one… we hold onto to that little bit of control of ourselves… it is truly rare in deed to find another whom you can be vulnerable with… when you do you will realize also that it is situational… that it is a matter of being in time with time and the convergence of specific paths that come together in a place and point in time to allow for a time where time stands perfectly still so that magic can occur… that sort of magic that takes ones breath away… the type that makes words useless… when time stands till to allows us the opportunity we should be prepared to grasp it with both hands and explore every inch and breath while time allows us… for sure enough time will move on and the opportunity will pass and we will regret not leaping with faith… such is the way of time… of possibilities… or opportunities that occur in the night… as the day unfolds we will find our way to the edge of this singular madness and then be thrown from the highest point to swim in the deepest sea… I have both stood still with time and been a runner at times heals… each is a wondrous turn for to have time by your side makes for an interesting journey in life…

The edge sits before me… an edge of a particular perspective… I see life and death as partners… as intrinsically intertwined partners… be that for a human or any living breathing animal… I say that because to me in my focus or perspective death is not some thing to be mourned as much as it is to be celebrated… a death is a time to celebrate a life… to take stock of what time has allowed and the only time death is seen in my eyes as tragic is when it is pulled from some one tragically… murder… accident in youth filled times… other wise life is this thin line we walk… and then we cross over and we begin another journey… one we are preparing for in this life to live… as strange as that sounds I believe that is what we are doing… and though I am not the best of people I still have this belief… perhaps it is a foolish one… maybe I should see it differently… butt then how does one change perspective without some factor in witch to change it… in other words what is the force that pushes the change… change does not just happen to a perspective… in happens because we are forced by a barrier to sense a difference… if we are not pressed to it we will not… we will manage incremental change that occurs regardless of a strong push… butt lasting perspective change does require a real good kick…

Sitting in a place a few hundred miles from home in weather more accustomed to spring or early fall is not so much of a challenge… it is good to get away some times… being away from home allows us to experience the world… from un-comfort as opposed to the comfort… not that my accommodations are uncomfortable for they are not… they are not home… they are away from home… and being away from home is by nature a bit more challenging then being home…

The challenge was to stay focused while allowing life to be the metaphor… when angry… the words fly in all directions at once and they are not easy to control… hurt I can be by slings and arrows as easily as by a directed shot… I put a great deal of effort into what I do… it may seem effortless and some times it is but it is not in all ways as it seems to be… the easier it appears at times the more focused the pattern is… it is difficult for me to fail to reach… has always been that way… today was one of those days were another’s words hit me dead center… and the anger flared when it should not have… butt then I am at times not perfect… and it got away from me and I am sorry and then I am not sorry… I am sorry for the getting away from me butt I am not sorry for responding to the thoughts that I care not… that I am not being truthful… that I am some what of a thief… or worse… silly I am to believe in things some times… yet I still believe in them in spite of my anger… my fear… my frustration I still believe… and that is both my strength and my weakness…

Life’s like a movie… write your own ending… keep believing… keep pretending… we did just what we set out to do… for the lover… the dreamer… and you… those words are from a song at the end of the Muppet movie… they define a lot of me… they say a lot about me… about who I am and what I do… life is a movie and we do get to participate in it… to give our heart and soul to the process and write our story within the folds of the papers… to allow the thread of who we are to be interwoven into the fabric of the tapestry that makes us who we are… bound as we are to one another… tied together in the magic of shared intimacy… of being one in a singular moment… we share life… we add spice and sweetness to the moments… we allow ourselves the process… and one another the purpose… if we keep believing we can see alternatives to reaching what we wish… if we keep pretending we find ways of making things happen in our lives… it is a sad day when that is taken from you… hopefully it never is… hopefully you never experience a day when another reaches out and strips away your belief… it is a sad day when that occurs… when your forced to face the limits of who you are in the light of another… today was that day for me… perhaps it is of my own making… I suppose not placing expectations at another’s feet… not piling up day after day thoughts… listings of what is expected is my fault… every relationship requires the comfort of expectations I am told… one needs to grow and expectations is what makes us grow… it gives us a reach or stretch to imagine gaining… today my movie was changed… today it turned from a story to a tragedy… it is what it is… I am angry at myself… deep emotions create deep reactions… I did not react well…

Deep inside me a thought stirred… perhaps it is all my fault this road less traveled on… perhaps I am not so different then most men… and the road I am on is not so unique… maybe I am the whore I am told I am… perhaps the truth is in the words thrown at me… maybe that is the reality all along… other wise what would bring it to mind… thoughts must be placed on the edge and then allowed to find its slope… to one degree or another the truth is contained in the words others think when they think of you…

There are thoughts that come to my mind when I think of hue… and even though we have argued or think different at times those thoughts never change… I suspect they never will… I have that knack of being able to hold onto threads that inspire me in spite of what has changed over time… the space in time matters little… what does to me is the fabric on witch it is based… this small fact is w3hat is unique about me… while being tossed about in the course of time and left alone on the slopes of change and then denied or thrust away… I still see the thread as being strong… and I will hold onto it… perhaps that is the fool in me for I will hope in spite of reality… and that is what makes me different then all the rest…

Words spoken in anger and frustration are words we thought butt did not say… before… anger is the gate that releases thoughts we have had… the emotion takes down our barriers of restraint and allows us to strike out… it is not in all ways a good emotion butt from the perspective of knowing where a person is… it can be quite revealing…

At the core rests a truth… that truth never changes… in fact we cling to it as our safety net… some choices never get made they just are what they are regardless of what we want… we get there in time… we get to the core truth and we know it in our hearts… and though it hurts we know that we must follow our hearts and knot worry…
When reading what I write it often times requires one to follow a very winding road to get the entire picture… bits and pieces fall into assorted places and cause a great deal of wonder as to why this phrase was set into this paragraph… the truth is… I have no idea… other then to say… it is where that particular phrase came out… one knows in their heart the direction… where we go when we are directed is another story… sometimes the path to follow is one that we have traveled before… one we know as well as we know the curve of our own hands…

We ask sometimes knot to find answers butt to vent our frustration… the question is more to put into space what is on our minds… some times the need is to get the information out… we ask what is on our mind… how we react to what is place before us is instinctive… that is what we build as we do things over and over… practice makes for the perfect response… yet a truly magical response is instinctive… it just happens… an action causes a reaction… it is that poetic… and it does not matter how it gets there… butt that it does get there… so when we ask what we can do… how we can change or send a better message… the answer is be yourself… from that comes the responses that will make you happy…

Here is magic in days… some more then others… anticipation makes today one of those more then magical days… as time has gone on we have risen from the early morning hours to the very early morning hours… this tradition has been going on for the past couple of years and the kids now more adults then children enjoy the sleep in as opposed to the early morning rise… what has occurred though over the past couple of years is the change in tradition… witch I also believe is a good thing… change is good… and with change comes growth and a number of adventures…

The quiet solitude of time reflects in the images that surround me… wrapped in a blanket of calm contentment I am filled with sounds of silent solitude… my mind moves… demanding I can be… demanding I am at times to reach past the present moment to another… if you wish a moment to enter your life you must be willing to create it body mind and soul… and that is in part the truth and the fantasy… if you wish a dream to happen there is some thing that you can do each and every day to make that a possibility… we can talk about dreams butt if you never act in some way to reach them… they remain dreams… know more… nor less… and some times they should and at others they should grow into a reality… knowing witch one to live is as important as knowing witch one to let exist as a dream only…

There are moments when words fail me… the art of my body heart and soul does not reflect properly what I am thinking about… doing what is right some times means putting aside our personal wants dreams desires and stepping up in a way that allows them to move forward… doing the right thing is not easy… some times the compromise is difficult… what is needed is not in all ways what we want to give or show or set direction with… what is needed is what at that moment in time the other requires of us… in answering that we touch them deeply… and in return we get more then we initially believed possible… in giving we feed our selfish desire to feel better about who we are…in reaching beyond what we wished to grant what another needs we give selflessly to them… we may find in doing so that we have in fact accomplished what we set out to do…

All the musings are personal… that is how I write… though I will freely admit at times I am unsure where the inspiration comes from I tend to write to some one… either sparked by a word they have sent to me or by a thought that comes to mind… my problem I am told is that I lack expectations… that I fail to place that on others… that I give without an expectation of a return is certainly unnerving for some one new to me… butt to the ones who know me… I still find it amusing that they miss that… when I write to you… I am writing for hue… directing it around hue… the point is to touch you in some way or another… some times softly… some times knot so softly… how the words strike home is more delivery and Godde knows I tend to be a bit blunt in my delivery… butt then I would expect those who know me for more then a few days time to grasp that I do have expectations… they are simple… I expect you to do what is in your heart… at times that will be to listen… to exchange with me what is there… at others it will be more challenging for at times we all need some one to stand in the raging torrent and say what is real when we get lost… when that times comes I do expect that of you… it is not all fun and games… at times it will require a firm grasp of reality… or a good kick in the ass…

In choice we become the masters of our destiny… in choosing we step up and say this is the path on witch I wish to roam… as each day approaches we have the opportunity to smile and send a ray of sunshine across the universe… and perhaps that does more for how we see the world then anything else… when we choose to smile in spite of… when we choose to bring a positive spin to what life is we extend a ray of light onto the day… a single smile multiples by a thousand… be that smile… and watch the world change before your eyes…

I have a penchant for being too efficient… in the process of collating my information I managed to delete some thing I had written yesterday and was hoping to keep… so it goes… that is the nature of me when I get in the mood to clean up or protect information… in the past I managed my information on two computers… now with the new laptop I can manage my information on one…butt I am not ready to… so I write now in multiple places… in multiple ways… across the universe so to speak… the torch is lit… and now perhaps I can do some thing magical…

In suggesting it was my intention to say in an indirect sort of way that the images were of hue… the thing is most of what I think about in that way concerns you… well for me it is that way… my mind tends to play with this image of hue… and while I am sometimes taken back in most situations I embrace the possibility… when ever I enter I have wrapped the particular words over a space of time related to the day it is placed… what you read was written all in the same day… though not all at the same instant in time…

My knowledge or perspective has not changed much in the past few months of time… I see things as they are to me… some times that allows me to over look a particular time or place… at others it allows me to remain at peace while the world around me spirals out of control… I am an emotional roller coaster rider… that is part of who I am… though in reality I dislike roller coasters… they make me sick… in esoteric terms the roller coaster ride is a wonderful experience to share… it bonds people to one another… for sharing such a ride or journey allows one to find common ground on witch to talk meaningfully… in cycling though the past times and adventures it is easy to find the false steps for hind sight is very clear and very focused… having walked this way before we know with a certain clarity what worked and what did not… the unfortunate part of that is that for an individual that can be paralyzing… in trying so hard to be perfect we forget that it is not the perfect moments or creation of the perfect steps that make us who we are… it is our shared imperfections… our willingness to be ourselves with one another… when you give that… when you give that gift you are saying… here I am… be with me… me the person I am… no pretense no barriers… a very emotional and for some frightening experience… when I look back I can smile for what stands out in all the winding roads and bending highways that we have traveled is the wonder of the ties we have… my perspective is warped a bit… I over look a great deal… I am blind to what many would consider inappropriate… to me this joy is in the giving… the receiving… the shared journey… I wonder if some one read all the words we have exchanged over this time and place what they would believe about us… I have my view and you have yours and perhaps in time the rest of the world may get their chance… when I am long gone and past to the other side… at some cross road in time the meaning will be apparent… butt for now I rejoice in the embrace of your heart and wish with all of mine that you shared the comfort of peace of mind heart and soul… my journey began as a way to lift myself from the darkness that encircled my heart… perhaps when it is over I will have at least accomplished a small measure of that… I do what I do because it is in my nature to do it… I do my best to knot be seen hear… or felt… butt as you know I fail in a lot of these… for I am seen… I am heard and I am felt… that does not deter me from moving… from going forward… from sharing what is in me… I do it because I am selfish… I do it because it is my need to unburden my soul… to release my heart… I do it because it helps me be a better person then I once was… I have followed this wandering pathway for some years now and I have come to the conclusion that it is one of most awe inspiring things I could have imagined… it is a never ending journey… there will always be another hill to climb or cross road to navigate… that does not deter me or frustrate me… some where along the line the veil of me has vanished and I can stand naked in the street… it is a most interesting sensation…

The purpose is to communicate without limits thoughts… restraints… the purpose is to let go and allow the mind heart and soul to flow into your fingers hands… and create a work of your art… it is not about for me at least saying the right thing… or saying anything at all… it is about soul filled loving communication… what comes out at times may seem harsh or difficult but what it says is that you wish to share deeply of who you are… and for a time the words will take on one measure or another before you trust enough in yourself to share even more… in relationships it takes a lot of talk before you exhaust the superficial and get down to the words that you crave… a lot lack the patience to sit and listen carefully to the need that exist in a relationship… each wants to grasp hold of the other and satisfy the physical need and see it as the only way… it is the least likely to be successful way… the physical hue craves the attachment while the emotional and spiritual hue desires the freedom to be attached…

When I began this journey I set out to give of myself in a way that satisfied my need… it was a selfish desire of mine… a single minded need to open my creative soul to the world around me… my shyness aside I have not been the best of persons in my life time… many times missing opportunities to embrace another or to help in some small meaningful way… my goal was to be unseen… to give without expectation of receipt in return… my desire is to share of self… and that has proved to be a journey that is both challenging and rewarding… for I have failed much more then I have succeeded… butt then that is what life is… a constant learning experience that spirals up as quickly as it spirals down… the vortex can pull you in either direction… so if one has a choice… spiral up the stairs for usually the higher you go the better you enjoy the view…

Each rose carries with it a thorn to protect her from the hands that would damage… far from diminish the lure to have it…the thorns attract… they pull one to the rose… to feel the sting is to feel the relief of the desire… to feel the sting is to know you have attempted to hold the rose in your arms and feel the cut of your flesh… to feel the blood flow over your hands and drip to the ground while you hold on tightly to the fleeting moment… each of us has the opportunity to grasps a rose and hold on… they are fleeting desires… and the pain reminds of the emotional ride it will take for us to rise up and leap with faith to grab hold of the thorns and then to finally let go and return once more to being in our own self… bloodied hand and heart… with a soft smile on ones lips satisfied at having achieved a touch to the rose that will last a life time filled with memories…

We give because we are selfish… we give because the act gives us some thing we can’t get in any other way… we give to satisfy our inner desire… the act of giving is about all of us… about every relationship… every touch we give or receive… the very thing we do as people is give… we are constantly giving of ourselves… of our resources… from our excess and our need… the more we do it the more we need to do it… the act is about life… it allows us to feel connected…

Change is a very positive and useful tool… it allows us to know what we were once blind to… the routines of life hide from us the very thing we love… we get into a routine of activities that we take for granted… this is universally true of all of us… I make no exceptions for myself… when change occurs our eyes are open to what is different… and that difference is an awakening at times… it speaks to us in ways that allows us to grasp what we have and it gives us the opportunity to change so we can keep it… or in some cases to set it free… love is not an easy emotion as it is portrait… often the deepest and most profound love is one that allows another to be free to be who they are… love reaches the far corners of the world and you are never free of it even when you desire to be away… love finds you and awakens your heart… change is what reminds us some times of the love we share… what we do with that awareness is what makes the difference between lasting relationships and fleeting ones…

Possibilities exist at every turn… we don’t get to decide when we live… only what we do with the time given to us… when asked if there is a chance I am an optimist… and I will say yes there is always a chance that time and fate will bring the wheels of the world once more into balance so that was once can be again… if you sense things that way… I believe that when you care deeply for another you grant them the peace to find their way and support what ever choices they make… going back is not an option for me as much as navigating what is before us… for the future is what holds potential… not the past… so while it is possible to return to what one once had… I suspect it would feel empty in comparison to a future possibility…

Fear distorts your mind and brings about the need to fill it with all kinds of theories… most of these theories are ones that provide a darkness to the light that exists… panic… fear… anger… all feed the dark side of things… one is not gone if they are still within the grasp of the light of your being… one is still with you as long as you can sense their present… the gift is in the giving… having said it a thousand times… does not make it any easier to give… it is a risk you take… to place yourself out on the limb and to dance on the thinnest branch… all that you desire is possible… when you do them… when you take them onto your self… for the words were never mine as much as a reflection of what you believed about yourself… all I ever did was read your desire and place it before your eyes…

The best version of hue is the one that shares today… it is the one that is here hear with me today… so may try to create a façade that they can show others who they are… so few let their freak flags fly and strip away the pretense and dance…you hold onto what makes you happy… you let go of what makes you angry… what you fear… what gives you negative emotions… the journey we are on… is a most winding one… at some point it may find its level… butt so far we have not found a plateau… so what does one hold on for… support… companionship… the freedom to be themselves…

You are my muse… the words to my music… the melody to my inspiration… you are my soul mate and friend… with you anything is possible… my journey in life has two sections… the one before and the one after I awakened to your presence… I could tell you a thousand times a day… and I suspect tomorrow you will want or need to know again… it is your nature to question… never fear asking the question… any question for they eventually lead you to the answers you seek…

To speak gives one the opportunity to create inside their mind with your words an image of what is… to hold ones tongue in thought allows them to wonder… and in that wonder to explore the possibility of what they are thinking… imagining… if you could enter my mind and wander in the web of my dreams… if you could wander in my heart and soul you may find yourself face to face with an image… of strength… desire… courage… passion and love… with eyes that pierce a man’s soul and reduce me to embers…

“Words flow out like endless rain into a paper cup… they slither while they pass… they slip away across the universe… pools of sorrow… waves of joy are drifting through my open mind… possessing and caressing me… jai guru de va om… nothing’s gonna change my world… nothing’s gonna change my world…images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes that call me on and on across the universe…thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box they tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe… … jai guru de va om… nothing’s gonna change my world… nothing’s gonna change my world… sounds of laughter shades of earth are ringing through my open views inviting and inciting me… limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns… it calls me on and on across the universe… … jai guru de va om… nothing’s gonna change my world… nothing’s gonna change my world…”

Can anyone say that any better then the Beatles… probably not… what word will entice me… what thought will electrify and motivate me to respond… what word or series of words will inspire an answer worthy of being read… a lot is just luck… a mixture of mood time and space that allows me to find a thread that flows out like the endless rain in that paper cup that is my imagination… the water falls and flows down stream form the heart of the earth to the rain that drifts in the clouds… what we capture at times is an ancient droplet of inspired light that has been floating around long enough that we grasp hold of it… the spark finally igniting with a fertile mind willing to accept the gift… a lot of inspiration comes from being open to the possibility… exactly what inspires a response… I am sure enough to be unsure about… but the surest way to get one is to create one when you get a note slipped under your door…

The purpose of the journey is to share the experience… in sharing we express the winding road as we sense it… in giving we satisfy our selfish desires and feel the wonder of the gift we are… in that one moment of expression we can at times over come many moments of indiscretions… I write what comes to my mind… I am not thinking of who is reading this or that… I am just expressing what is in my head heart or soul at that moment… perhaps I should hide or keep private more of what is in the moment for me… butt is that sharing the experience… at times discretion is the better part… at others I want to have my freak flag flying…

The season brings out a lot of varied emotions… there are those memories of past times the rekindling of memories brought on by scents and smells… the touch of time does drift with us and we come away with these anchors related to them… each of us has this treasure chest of experiences that we touch upon every now and then… I am surprised at what triggers a memory or an awareness of a past time so vividly that I can reach out and touch it…

As the children have grown up the late nights spent getting things prepared have settled into a much more relaxed state of a family party followed by an even later night opening of presents… the children being night owls like their mom prefer the early early morning to the early morning of my taste… butt it is once a year and I can deal with the sleep issue by napping during the next day… know matter what time I go to sleep I rarely sleep past six in the morning… a program that runs regardless of what I am doing… vacations… holidays… does not matter… time is precious to me as I age… and to sleep when I could be off doing some thing creative is not what I wish to do… so we spend the early hours of the day exchanging gifts and sipping wine and laughing like we did when they were small… it reminds me just how much we are all children at Christmas…

Some times I feel like the world is a huge thorn bush and I am wrapped within its center and any move I make I get stuck… pricked… the flesh of my being torn from me in painful tweaks… some times I feel the thorns strike bone and press deep into me… it is at these times when I am reminded that the world does contain rose bushes… witch have thorns… butt they also contain one of the worlds most interesting flowers…

What you believe becomes your reality… believing allows you the eyes to see… the ears to hear and the sense to feel… what you choose to believe colors your world… the portrait of who you are… how you are perceived is all influenced by what you believe… and in believing we add the tints to the colors that nature grants us… we are by nature unlimited in our potential… what reduces us to the level we are in not anything more then what we believe about ourselves and those around us…

The thing is… you have all that you require… all that you need rests here… what you choose to see is a limit… what I have given you is a portal… a means by witch to explore the possibilities… everyone deals with what they feel differently… it was never about creating a situation of dependence…it was about creating independence… an ability to be free… when people have a relationship… they tie their boats to the same moor… and each brings with them a peace of the puzzle… as each grows they learn from the experience of life… tainted as we are by our pasts we each grasp something unique at every turn… the view I have is based on my experience as yours is based on yours… even though yours is more real… a more accurate expression of your life… I enjoy mine and will keep mine in difference to yours… the joy I get from you has never diminished or reduced… in only increases… butt then that is what I believe… it is what I choose to believe about the person you are… all that you ever needed to do was to let go… of your past… of the life you wish… of the times you are in… and live… for in living we create love… and love is truly the one gift that lifts us up off the ground and encourages us to keep going day upon day…