Never mind the mind does knot need to know the right from the wrong the direction nor the purpose. The mind does not need to know from where and when the thoughts arise from the midst of things to mix it up in the slow and steady climb. The mind does not need to know the hand that touches its imagination more then the finger tips of the last stretch in a gasp of air left to exhaustion. Know the mind does not need to know anything it is just a moment of never mind.
A slice of fine air mixed with a twinge of expectation on the crest of the morning as the sun rose in the sky to the east as I drove toward it. The sliver of hope passed in the blink of an eye was captured in the mind unnoticed fro a few moments before it took to hold onto a brain wave or some other wave pulsing through my head at that time. The tune changed in that moment from one of wondering what way to go to one of knowing what I was going to be thinking about. In a public sense from the outside looking inside very little is let on about. To the casual eye or observation while the entire world can see very few take the time to see beyond the surface that is placed before them. In the eye there is that ability to focus deeper within or through that only a few select individuals use. That slice of fine air this morning picked up an expectation that was there in my mind and carried it to awareness in my conscious observation of the world. I wonder how many times I was unaware of the trips to my conscious mind from such an ease as a scent on a breeze that I caught quite by synergy?
The mirror reflected the physical but failed to see beyond what was there to the turbulence that lingered just beyond. In life I have found that too much information or TMI is as bad as too little information TLI. In private life as opposed to a business life people are apt to explain in depth situations or provide TMI about even the most sensitive of issues as it related to what is happening in their life. I have no need or desire to know a person’s sexual history, though I will admit it is some times most interesting to hear, but time and time again I have been surrounded in conversation of explicit details. There is that feeling that I get in such a situation that I would rather have less detail and have left more to my imagination. The mirror reflected the physical and I could have been satisfied with that and let my mind fill in some of the open spaces. There is that point where information crosses the line and becomes two much to deal with and I want to say stop please no more step back and give me superficial stuff and I can imagine, believe me I can imagine. In a professional sense the struggle is not with TMI butt with TLI. In the working world people tend to hold back information for it is learned that information is power. Knowledge of how things go and who gets things done is a power base from which one can move. Know one wants to be the bearer of the news that is less then what is hoped for. It takes courage of mind and spirit to face the world with truth. TLI is the way to go when dealing with the public in general and even with the public in specifics. The less said the better and let the questions pull from you the information that needs to be heard. The mirror reflects the physical it does not show what is going on behind the exterior but I am wondering if we would be so bold with our TMI and TLI if it did?
Boring is one of the ambiguous words that trips my mind. To bore can mean to put to sleep or to cause another’s mind to wander out into the edges, to move away from the subject at hand to another in mind or imagination. To bore can mean to dig, to open a hole in a solid surface or to force by machine or hand the earth to move. To bore can mean to focus in on a situation by eliminating the superficial thoughts that surround it. The word itself is one that has connotations in all kinds of situations. To think that a small four letter word could open ones mind to alternatives. It can be a freeing though as to bore out of a closed mind or a focus in as to bore down on the solution. To bore could be a time where others minds wandered off whilst they read what I wrote or even now one could be bored as they read what I have written. To bore means to enter, to gain entrance to either willingly or by force of mind, heart or soul. One can bore another by their thoughts or by their actions and while one puts you to sleep the other excites the imagination. I heard it places eloquently this way while I would hate to bore your mind I would love to bore into you. A some what crude way of saying what was on their mind and maybe it is not so eloquent butt it takes the word to another place we may knot have anticipated when we imagine how boring it could be until now that is.
A match as in some thing that can be ignited to flame a fire or rekindle a slow burn or a match as in the one that goes with that? Matches can also se events to which one can accompany another to sit in spectator fashion while the sport of the show goes on around you. To strike a match can mean to find a suitable character to your liking or it could be the ignition of the flame that will set fire to some thing. A match is also one of those words that while we may be thinking we are speaking of the one that creates flame and burns it is being interpreted as the fire that bonds two in a heated embrace. One has to love the ambiguous nature of such words for the shear joy of pulling our minds in as many directions as they can imagine.
There is that sense of ease in what one does. To the casual observer it appears as if the tasks are effortless for they have that smooth step to the routine of life. Every so often when we wander down a path of firsts we encounter a more hectic pace then we are used to. In those turns I take my time to find my bearings and to absorb as much of the newness of the moments as I can manage. These last few weeks have been filled with a number of firsts and a series of lasts all of them related to family and friends. There is that need I have when these firsts and lasts occur to stop for moments along the way and do things different so that my mind remembers the days, the words, the nights and the slip of the stream calmly by the water’s edge. That is represented in quiet solitude of mind, quiet moments of reflection and busyness of hands before and then after to prepare and then to recover. Even in the midst of firsts and lasts normal routines of life must be taken care of. The grass needs to get mowed, groceries need to be purchased, the home needs to be cleaned, repaired and upgraded and meals need to be prepared. We have that sense of ease in what we do and for the most part we are capable of accomplishing all that is before us in relative comfortable use of our time and talents. Then there are those times when we are forced into changing our pace due to firsts and lasts. May and June are times for celebrations, anniversaries my 24th, birthdays, graduations, weddings. All of these occasions are firsts and at the same time lasts. They are the beginning of the next stage of a life and the ending of the previous one. They force my mind to ponder and reflect on where I am and where I need to go from here. I am not a person who shares depth easily. A number of people fail to grasp me in that way. I have that air about me that says I am disinterested when in fact I am most interested. There is that knowledge we have as parents and adults that life goes on and if you want to experience it you must fight the urge to let a day pass without stepping into the day with both hands and feet. We know that the leaps are moments of hesitation but we also know that to hesitate is a means to wait longer for what we desire to have. The relationships I build now are not as easily shaken as the ones I built before. The person I used to be held on too tight and got too close and was too involved in the day to day struggles of life. As I have grown older and a bit wiser I know to keep that separation of perspective. Friends are in need of fresh eyes and not affirmation of the struggle of their lives, even when their life is not much of a struggle. We all need that shake now and again to open our eyes to all we have. Human nature is devious and while we have so much we want more, we want the wonder of all we can imagine and never have to suffer the consequences of choosing. I have learned to separate or keep separated the steps inside my mind. I am easily influenced by the times that are before me. I have made mistakes with people and allowed my imagination to send messages that were not use full to them nor were they use full to me. Now I am more aware of the message I send and the course of the process I weave, yet as you know the intent I have does not in all ways translate to the other in the same way. Language, nuance, ambiguity of description and use of terms and the space of time all play into the misinterpretation of what is shared. What I hope at times you over stand is that the quiet is my way of allowing one to do as they need. I am not concerned with creating a routine of time but in cultivating the routines of time to yield positive results. I am not about sameness I am more interested in growth of mind heart and soul. The spark that allows ones mind to wander off is the same spark that opens one to possibilities in creativity. The difference is in how one points the machine.
As people around me struggle with their firsts and lasts I stop to consider with how much ease I do handle the flow of life. From another’s perspective my life is an ideal of what suburban life should be. The greener grass syndrome at its best permeates my life as I write this. What other’s are unaware of is what exists behind the doors of the ideal and while there is not a monster there or rapist there are those unsettling personal differences that make a family a family while still stirring the rough edges we so love. There is that love we all share for one another but at times we are not in love with one another or we are not in like of one another as people or for our choices. Even in the best of homes there is that string of stress that the children exist under to do as their parents have done before and become the establishment of business and culture while still holding onto the ideals we placed as parents into their imaginations. It is true you can have it all or some of it at one time or another but all things come with compromise all things come with a price that must be paid. As my family grows the difficult steps of love come into play. The steps that as parents we have done our job and now it is time to step back and let go and see if the birds have the wings to fly. It is a first and a last, a moment of hesitation before letting go. It has been my experience in life that love is an ever expanding emotion that has wondrous physical properties but those are minimal compared to the spiritual and emotional expanse love takes on. Our youth distorts love to be this connection that binds and ties us one to another when in reality love is the foundation on which each life stands. Conceived we are in love, cultivated by its gentle hands and then set free to find our way surrounded by the encouragement and support we need. When we wander in the fields of firsts and lasts we know that we are loved if we had in our past love of self and others. The fact that we can share a moment in time means that we are capable of sharing more then that when the time is correct with the person that can open our hearts. In this month of firsts and lasts I am taken to being a bit quieter then usual for I have spent a lot of time remembering these gates that I have walked through. My sentimental side shows itself as we celebrate the slip out of ones teenage years, a number of graduations from high school and college and a wedding where for the first time we are not the generation getting married but the parents of the generation getting married I wonder when did that happen. When did we become the parents of the bride or the groom and the ones paying the bill? When did we become the established structure that holds the three generations together? When did we become the center peg in the line of time that takes care of the old while still having the young to deal with?
As time has gone on and I walk through this month of first and lasts I am realizing that life is this sort of chaotic orchestral movement. A lot of the routines we love lead us to these times of intensity of emotion that is that crescendo in our symphony. We are led up the ladder of excited notes to burst upon the scene and then to be bathed in the atmosphere of letting go of the strings as the notes are carried off scattered to the four corners of ones mind, heart and soul. Locked away in our memories are our own steps out of being some ones child to being a person in our own right, a couple and then parents. Each of these steps is unfolding in just this one month of time it has been a wondrous series of first and lasts.
Certain words smile as illogical as it sounds our mood does influence our choice of words. We are all sensitive to words but more important we are sensitive to who says them. To each of us particular words offend us in a way until we take the time to wear the offense away. People have these barriers to language some they love and others they dislike for what ever reason and it gives who ever uses them the power of persuasion over them. When you know you are sensitive to a word it is time to remove the sensitivity to it in reference to the person who uses it. That anchor is what allows them the upper hand in reference to that word with you. Tonality is another method of persuasion or use of a word. Tonality is vibration it is how the words vibrates our spines…
Try is not an option, try leaves to many openings for letting go. I could ask it another way. My mind would go to some thing like sex and in the context of that I would ask, do you want some one to try to please you or do you want some one who will find a way to please you? It is a stupid question and of course it is not all about sex butt sex does tend to clarify some thing for us. When we step back and ask ourselves to try are we actually giving ourselves an out? Lets say I try to please you and for what ever reason it is just not getting you there do you want me to continue to try what I am doing or experiment with others ways of getting you the results you desire? Another stupid question, butt when we look at our lives a lot of time we do just that. We try ourselves,we get stuck in doing the same thing and expecting the results to get better. We expect the results to satisfy us more and more when they can only satisfy us like they did before because we are doing the same thing. What we need to do is the same thing in a new way that creates a wonder in who we are dealing with. A sense of anticipation or simple joy in being with one another and then that will create an environment of freedom that opens possibilities. What ever we do I believe we need to have a sense of wonder a sense of inquisition of thinking how can I do that better easier faster more effective.How can I control the flow of wonder for me and for the ones I love? How can I get more done in less time so I have time to do what I really love to do?
We all have this sense within us butt it is only truly apparent to us when we think about those subject that are taboo. When we do that our imaginations truly do run wild.Inside each of us is a side that we hold back until we think about some taboo subject then the sparks fly and the twists turn us over and under. For me that process is encapsulated in the word try. A simple three letter word that give us the ability to say well I gave it an effort and oh well it did not work out so I am off the hook. To me there is a belief inside a person who tries that says as long as you try it is okay. What I am getting at is when you or I or anybody finds a word like try that allows for results less then what we desire we have to seek a new word or words to use in its place. Do as opposed to try. Experiment as opposed to try. Consider as opposed to try. Each of those words allows for variations to happen and situations we can learn from. Each word is stronger or less depending on when we use them and with whom we use them. Are you more tempted by I will try to please you or I will experiment with ways to please you? I will try opportunities to please you or I will consider all opportunities to please you.
The trick I found was not in the logical acceptance butt in the internal twist of what happens inside when you say things differently and begin to erase the word try from your vocabulary. Think in terms of doing as opposed to trying. Do is so much more positive try is lukewarm it is a state of hesitancy are you or aren’t you maybe or maybe knot. It is much better to do then you will know if it is some thing you want to have or knot.Words are all ambiguous allowing for a multiple of responses. What you should get from this is that you are driving your own bus and you need to decide what fuel you use to trip your resolve into gear. So when you lack focus and spark you can stroke a log on the fire stir the magic inside you light the fire and fan the flames so you burn with the passion needed to leap not just step.
I am in between times. On the edge of a departure before an arrival begins anew, that sudden if not palatable absence of presence. I miss the turn of the words and the mail that used to fill my baskets. Still I know when I begin I will be here on the other side as I was in the beginning only more experienced for having taken the journey home. The process is not about me, it never was about me or for me. The process was and is about opening up and letting in. In the end what is different is the ability to see with a different set of eyes. For whatever reason the partings happen, the separation occurs and I let go as easily as I reached out. I will not stand where I am not wanted nor will I pursue in the face of a rebuke. I am all the things I am and not less nor more. The porpoise was to let go the reality for a time so that creative ideas flow more. Butt then I am not the conductor of any orchestra butt my own and I am not the leader of anything for anyone other then me. I just believe people should be true to who they are.
I believe silence to be a way of saying what one wishes to say without acknowledging what it is completely. Silence is that understanding that two people are aware of in the solitude of themselves with one another. It is a look that only each knows in the eyes of the other what it means. I believe that silence is the way most choose when it comes time to take a deep breath and step away for a time. That time can be a moment of solitude or contemplation or a choice to move in another direction due to differences that are at this time beyond either to change. So it goes that each arrives at the edge of their awareness to find themselves alone in the choices they have made. The bitter and the sweet reside in the awakening of ones mind to the solitude. We are after all social creatures in some respects while in others we may wish to hide. I believe silence is the easier way of saying thanks but no thanks. I have been at this edge many times before and heard a lot of reasons for the choice another is making. I have stood side by side and heard the silence whisper the departure that another could not make or would not speak out loud but wished with all their heart for. Life is a movie that we write our own ending to when we believe we keep pretending and we keeping moving toward what we set out to do. At each stage of our life we do just what we set out to do for each one of us is a lover and a dreamer and it matters not if it is me or if it is you.
Some time ago in the course of a lengthy conversation some one asked why I encourage others to ask questions and I don’t follow my own advice. To me the questions are some what in bed with the words I write. They are part of what I weave in among the many fabrics that I use. I could I guess ask in a direct way what I wish to know. I find it easier to allow a person or persons to share of themselves while all the time taking in the peaces. Silence tells me things about what I have done. Silence is the end and the beginning. Silence is the solitude of memories and the contemplation from where steps are taken. All my steps end in silence for they began in silence as looks across a room onto another soul. While questions may linger as to who I am or where I have gone off to or where I will be next or what is my life like? In truth they were answered each and every one of them in the only way I knew how to answer them. I am truly limited in my ability to extend my hand and while I wanted what I needed was different and in the end as we stand on the edge we get what we need not what we want. As time goes by and so it goes we each will ponder the choices we have made. One will see the end as an ending where they stopped while another will see the choice as a means to step beyond what they were and to go forward. It was never about what one could learn about me, it was in all ways what one could learn about whom they are and whom they wish to be. The gift is inside the knowledge of being aware of the wonder of hue.
As silence falls we are aware that silence means an end is near. We can move in choices made to find the solitude that marks the grave. There are things we have and things we lost and things to chase after all choices cost. As we reach the end our minds sober and aware we acknowledge our misses our choices our hands. We reach out and whisper to the pale moon light we are sorry we missed the obvious sight. We are who we are and having learned what we know only a fool says they would not change a step that cast a blow. Now at the edge with silence ringing pure we step to one side and vanish once more. Back into the shadows know need to see or be seen. The choice is made by one and the other must know that silence is easier then the words will ever know. Silence is easier and it sends a message clear that words are not necessary to say what I must for words are not the best of ways to part seas where one travels one way and the another remains clear of the confusion and the shifting of waves to find another means to find another way. One step over and two steps aside and down to the river of dreams one glides to pick out another dream to chase and wonder is the paths that wander far and wide will ever again manage to collide.
One day closer to the day that draws near. An experience we have looked forward to arrives suddenly from the midst of all the other days. We arrive at the end of a series of days and are left wondering at the end on the threshold of a new beginning just what is next for us to step forward into. Life has that uncanny way of threading a needle in two and out of the fabric of our days sewing a continuous tapestry to look back upon all the while showing us a way to go forward while we savor the lessons learned in the past.
Time takes a moment to find his way. In the course of thought a hand reaches for another hand and bushes softly against one another. A shiver or chill of excitement wanders through and up and down till it rests in the core of ones being. Time takes care of the moments in between by allowing one to remember the touch that was and will be again. You can imagine the slight movement of time along the contours of your being excited to the edge and wanting more. We have the desire to reach higher and the ability to go beyond what we can imagine once we are allowed to be lost in our emotional wave. Time takes us to places we can go and should go more often now then before. Each day there is that need to slip in between the sheets of time and play over and over the ritual of making the love better and better. If knot for the illusion what am I for me the thing is not to get lost in definition rather to get lost in recognition of the waves as they roll over, under and through the hue that delights in the sensations. Each touch is a reminder that some one loves you even from a long way away and that love can pull you in directions you need and must go. Love is not in all ways an easy or polite emotion. Love at times strikes us hardest when we become aware of its present. Love takes its time to cover us in kisses and touches that are enough to satisfy the imagination but are just the tips of the waves we are riding. Take a moment to allow time the poetry of motion of thought that allows movement and hands to cover each of the many avenues that spark delight in your mind. Take a few moments now to let the words swim in your river with your dreams and come to an edge and get pushed over to fall into the abyss of the solitude of feeling better then ever before. In the silence I find the thoughts to pull the threads of memory around me. In the silence I find the courage to step forth and make note of the adventures we each have to take to get us to where we need to be. Life will change us with the experiences we are allowed to have as opposed to those we are allowed to dream. Once we allow time the open door there will be time enough to deal with each emotion and each wave. Love is a medicine, a cure for what each life needs. Time takes his moments to find his way into our life times creating memories along the way. If time were to touch you he would touch you as only time can that knows the responses you desire and the sighs that you need. If time were to touch upon your skin and send ripples through your being it would be as if time were here with me holding you and dreaming of the times yet to be.
Many years ago in what seems like a life time away things happened for reasons we can only guess and still after all that has transpired we are here one with the other. To some it may be a process that is some what outdated or even to me at times it has appeared to be a struggle of mind and matter. With all of that considered the time has been much more then a routine of living day after day. The joy from which it started still exists expanding out to touch additional lives. How much further we go is a matter of how much we can imagine going forward. Life does not end when the children go off to begin their lives life begins anew with an altered perspective of just how much more we can manage to fit in.