One begins anew when faced with a new beginning at the end of a series of days. Each day can be considered a new start to the old life or an opportunity to begin anew once more by taking a different step. Each has a way about them that is unique to the formation of their minds, heart and soul. Each decides how that works for them, how those processes are used in the light of what they now know. Each wanders in time with or without according to their way of doing and handling life’s unique opportunities. At each stage that we are in life, we are one with ourselves, with the world and the soul of our creator. We keep the singular expression of us in the crowd as well as in our solitude of self. This presence in our life is the core of who we are and changes according to the experiences we have. It is our very nature, born of all the travels and adventures we have had as we have lived our lives and grown to the place we are. From these experiences, we teach others how to treat us, from this we instruct the world how we expect to be handled. From these we teach ourselves beliefs and form the processes that control and run our lives whether they are truthful or erroneous matters not. The fact is we believe them to be true we believe them to be who we are and how we can survive and until they are proven incorrect in our eyes we will believe them to be useful. Being one is not so lonely any more then being two or three or being lost in a crowd. Being one is comforting when the time is correct and the moments are used to find the truth that is in the words.

I will miss most the opportunities that exist between us. I will miss the warmth of you and the kindness of your eyes. I will miss the time alone with you pondering the possibilities as life moves along. Most of all I will miss you.

The time has arrived when I need to sit and consider the possibilities. As I begin to move in a direction considerations are made to how each person in my life will be affected by the alterations. Each step is a compromise of personal and professional choices. Each step leads us to someplace other then the one we are in. As I step back in line more in tune with the normal routine of life I have the distinct impression that I become more elusive then when I was further on the fringes. The edge was for a time for me the place to cut the safety wires and be free of the responsibilities that captured me. As time has moved forward those responsibilities are more easily shouldered, either by the routine of handling them or by the growth or maturity that accepts such as part of life. While many possibilities are truly endless in there potential there are a few that are limiting in their scope. In the light of what I now know it may be best to step away for a time from the ones that force a reaction to the ones that embrace a reaction, to the ones that stir my emotions in a very positive way. I have reached that place in life where the emotional and spiritual sense of things is more interesting to me then the physical exertion. I am not putting aside the wonders of movement for the paradise of thought or imagination. I am however placing the physical pleasure in a more meaningful place in my life. I am no longer the child in body only in mind and spirit. As time wears on me the child has to wander more and more inside then outside. The need to climb trees and swing from the rafter or howl at the moon moves to a tempered response. I will last longer in the long run and life for me is a long run, a long joyous celebration of movement expressed day after day. The time has come to consider the possibilities that exist for me.

In the light of what I know about me I must consider stepping back from specific subject as it matters deeply to the reactions that are stirred within me. In the light of what I know about the emotional waves and sensations it is best to let go the need and step beyond the situations that cause such ideas to manifest themselves within me. In the light of what I know it is time to just admit that I am insatiable in that regard and leave it at that. To wander on and on in search of what is not mine is not a useful obsession. One has to put their obsessions into perspective and use them for the motivation that is required to get from one place to another. A want is not a need that must be filled. A want is a desire that we can do without once we set our minds to doing without.

There are days in time when we need to love and be loved… hold and to be held… to feel the present of a physical embrace… in spite of all the words to the contrary I do miss the present of hue… the gift of your touch upon my soul… When the world begins to spin once more for me after I have held it still for a few dazes… I will have my answers to the questions I posed in the light of what I now know…

The turtle or the tiger, witch one hides more? The introverted personality of a predator who wanders alone to find and stake out its area or the turtle that wraps itself within its shell? Witch one or the other hides more then the other or do they both hide evenly from the words, from the hands each extends out. The turtle and the tiger sit side by side waiting for the other to step around away or past. The turtle or the tiger witch one will give in and step away and wander down an alternative path? When they finally do for it is an eventuality that one or the other or both will become frustrated with themselves and leap and find a somewhat softer place to land witch one will regret more not taking the hand when it was extended? The turtle or the tiger can know the other intimately in silence. They can know the other inside and out and back and forth and watch over the other time after time. One cannot change the other or force their desire upon the other. It is not a possibility that the time has finally reached a place with both the tiger and the turtle that one must give in to the other’s will and resign themselves to the way of thought that exists. The knowledge that time will not alter the way the other finds their way in the light of what they know more. How much time is required to know more and to hold onto what it is you got? Eventually once you have some thing it creates a need for more and a desire for more and a passion for more. More is how we measure the balance we each bring to a conversation. In time we could be satisfied with a few words and then day upon day we wish and need more until we are fixed on getting more and finding the way to satisfy that desire. Eventually we become dissatisfied with the entire routine of giving taking and feeling less for it. The turtle and the tiger know the way of reaching past the prey and predator relationship. They know the winding of the road and the hills and the valleys. They have lived each turn and trip along the way and they still hide something deep inside. Sow as this day wanders along and I sit upon the way of things I know that some where sits the turtle waiting upon the tiger’s pause to feel the soft and gentle push to move along to the edge of that some place you need to go. Some things we have to learn how to do faster and more effectively just so we don’t give up weeks of time at a time when weeks are necessary for other things. Some day the transition from one step to another will occur effortlessly and in the splitting of a second. Until such time as change ripples along the wires I will be patient and wonder where you are and whisper your name…

In any explanation lies a certain truth as seen from the perspective of the speaker. The truth as they have grasped the facts of the situation they are in. The truth may not be what they have formulated in their mind based on the information they have. The truth they have can be a false truth that lacks the presence of critical facts that would alter their understanding of the situation at hand. The reason hindsight is so much more precise is that it typically has more information then the original decision. We made the choice in the best light of what we knew to be with the best of intentions. Even with all of that on our sides we make misjudgments and misstatements. The simple truth is that there is not nor will there ever be an absolute truth that is universally accepted. Each day we move further away we find out more, the separation of time allows us to remove our emotions that cloud our ability to seize upon the facts. Once we remove ourselves from the temporary blindness of certainty we can see what has eluded our imaginations. Things we never considered possible are possible we just never considered them into the equations we formed in our minds. We avoid or allow an illusion to blind us and in fact at times lie to ourselves about what is possible or not. The truth lies and is more of an indication of what we are willing to accept then a presentation of facts.

In silence I find peace. In silence I find solitude. In silence I find the mind wanders. In silence I find the imagination wonders. In silence I find the way with each footstep. In silence I weave a more illogical path that gains me the same result as a more logical approach. In silence I walk alone. In silence I find the strength to move forward. In silence I sleep and dream of the times when silence and patience were not necessary. In silence I heed my own advice and move out of the way and allow the pace of others to be the pace of others. In silence I observe a great deal from a distance as not to disturb the balance within another’s silence. In silence I wonder when the silence will end.

In a time long ago I explored the possibility of how and with whom I would express what is inside me. During the course of that exploration I came across a means of expression that worked well for me. That means was a writing style that is chaotic, unconventional prose, a constant stream of imagination or flow of thoughts as they happen without restriction or structure. The style was as important as the freedom it allowed. The style was a freedom from convention, a step away from having to concern myself with punctuation or proper syntax. It allowed for an unending flow or ideas. When some one stops by to read they can get lost in the lunacy or use of ambiguous concepts. That is part of what is being done, it is necessary for me to get lost to find what I am looking for. I am not concerned with what others are seeking when I am here. I am not concerned with what others think when they read what I have placed in this small piece of cyber space. My only concern is what I gain from the expression of thought. In life there are moments to balance what others think against what we wish to accomplish. At other times we must put aside the opinions of others to do what is necessary for ourselves. I feel it is necessary to create our own style, place and means of expression. Once that is in place it is just a matter of time before we are on the road to being who we wish to be. Be it music, prose, poetry, painting or the sculpting of ideas in stone or minds, there will be a soul that is touched and maybe only one but art makes the difference. When one settles in two to read the prose of a dreamer they will tend to get lost in there own dreams. At other times the wandering path of another can be some what of a vacation from the mundane adventures of our everyday. Either method gets one to the place they need or desire to be. In time we manage to wander far and wide enough to know when to be silent and when to talk. We learn to mange the edges as well as the center of any path. We know when to lead and when to follow the crowd. We find our feet and our foundation in the experiences we have lived within. In the end of one we step in to a new beginning and do as we please and let the world catch up with us.

I have managed to deal with the change or shall we say the changes as they occur. The cycle of change as it makes its way from the elation of being in the process to the down edge position of frustration with oneself can be some what unnerving for the casual observer. Each of us has our way of dealing with the new and different as they present themselves to us. True change only happens when we get to the place where we are finally frustrated enough with ourselves to say know more. At that place in space and time we are ready to alter our way in a leap, a bound or maybe just in a step to one side or another that gets us away from our old way of thinking into a new way of doing. I have managed to deal with the processes that others utilize, even those that appear to me to be otherwise harmful. I have learned to knot interfere in the self inflicted cut that allows another to change. We each have our ways of getting what we need in terms of motivation. I prefer a more subtle touch to my movements, while others may need the away from I prefer the purr towards. More is accomplished I believe by turning ones head in interest then chasing ones tail in fear of it being taken off. That however is how I am. I must allow for the uniqueness of others for as long as it takes them to find what works best for them. Fear is not a useful motivator over a life time. Eventually we get tired of being afraid and there is that rebellion against its constraints. We need to build stronger reasons for going toward someone of something then we do for running away from someone or something. When we manage to do that useful change occurs easily in the process of living each and every day.

The day takes a course in time… we pause for a moment and then move on… there are those pauses when we are captivated by the presence of time standing in the stillness… from the distance of this time I can feel the power of expression swirling in the midst of hue… from this distance there is that need to feel some thing more… an old pattern in the way of things and maybe tomorrow will bring the better day… back is not an option… only tomorrow can we retreat towards… we can remember what we once were and know we can never have the same only better… we can only have the best of which we have and hold… as I sit and wonder about what has transpired I am fixed on the paradox of choices… each one appears to be the answer to the questions yet leads back and forth… side to side… in endless revolutions… the day today is a course in how time can be used to find the slivers of what makes a day interesting to the touch of your hand… we have this moment to say that and then to move onto the next moment… they are small steps if we take them… small wonders when we have the opportunity to express them… today as I sit in the wonder of what can be I find the shallow pools of dreams and bathe in them… for the deep waters are not as warm or as satisfying to my mind this day… in those shallow ripples there is that present of hue… rich and beautiful… full and passionate… it is that peace of a dream…

The party disagreed… it was a simple disagreement of terms used to define situations… the party disagreed… it total it mattered little… the party disagreed… in short in mattered a lot to one… the party disagreed… it mattered because they did and finding compromise was not in their opinion… the party disagreed… finding no common ground to walk they moved on to separate ways to reach similar ends…

In some time past a decision was made that the average person was incapable of finding their spiritual center alone… the decision was based on the educated knowing that the great majority of people lacked the capacity to read… to write… to grasp the concepts of spirituality without a guiding hand…since that time in the darkness of ages past we have been witness to a number of injustices based on spiritual fervor… wars… inquisitions… trials… separations… and to this day we still struggle with the many varieties of spiritual roads one is born into… that being the case maybe it is time to open the rules a bit to be more inclusive… to be more forgiving… to be more accepting of the accidents of birth… spiritually is the present in every life… to connect to your own one need only do for another… in doing we move ourselves forward toward a greater good… less restrictions allow for more open discussion… allow us to agree to disagree and at least have an openness of words… we may never agree on the evils of alcohol or drug usage… the fact that one who has trouble with those substances can feel they have a spiritual place to go is helpful to them in their struggle… if we turn our backs on some one who struggles we are left only with those who hide their abuses… who lie and look down upon those who struggle day after day… what ever spiritual calling you have… true callings are those that ask of you to accept another and to help them improve their place… their beliefs… not to hold yours above theirs or to require a strict adherence to laws as a requirement for acceptance… some time ago we stepped off the way of loving one another and stepped onto a path that said make everyone like us… make everyone the same… these rules do not make us better then make us less… they remove us from the world surround us with false protection… allow people to feel superior to others and promote difference…

It appears as a logical step… then all of a sudden a wave arise from the tranquility… a sudden force of nature that pushes before it the chaos of a moment in time… there is that pause in thought before one begins to act… a decision in process… a thought capable of being stirred… is set free… a loose cannon fired… a pistol shot at some hour finds a way to shatter the silence… one man gathers what another man spills… it is logical sort of step… progress is what it is… and the progress is not toward as much as it is away… the combination is not what can be shared by two but the combination of what each one is willing to share with another…

We are you or at least we are decedents of you… the society or great adventure that is America is a direct progression of the old world ideals manifest… we are more violent… more aggressive in our attitudes… we lack the sophistication of the old world while we also lack the strings that limit a person’s achievement… we are you… at least from the perspective of what one wishes for… we have the ability to question… to protest… to hold our leaders accountable for what they do… we are the decedents of men and women who left their home lands by choice of by forced slavery… and we have opportunity to be more then they were or are… and for that we get to be the focus of a lot of aggression… I have a different attitude toward the world then most politicians… from most world view men and women of commerce… personally I could care less what the world thinks of us… because we are in many ways what they wish for themselves… it is because of our position that others profit… we use more… produce more… and at times we have taken what is not ours to take… I don’t make excuses for that… I truly wish as a society we could be more caring… but that starts with one another and as a society we are more tolerant then any in the world… we have our difficulties… and we struggle with ourselves… but we fight from within to be better… to be the best we can be… I am not in favor of what is happening in the middle east… personally I have the opinion that it is not our war to fight… we are not the policemen of the world… nor are we the barometer of how the world should rule their citizens… that is a view that many do not hold… pushed by commerce and a desire for profit decisions are made… and from them other choices and then we are tangled in a web of corruption… we are you… we have become that which we rebelled against once… we are the established power… the leader… maybe it is time we let the world take care of its own problems… maybe we should stop using so much of the world’s economic resources… maybe we should be leaders in change toward a more cooperative world… how that is done is beyond my opinion to know… for we talk a lot and get very little accomplished… what I have learned in my years is that people get things done… governments accomplish nothing… all they do is piss one another off… rattle their swords and rumble their tanks and stand shouting expletives at one another… we are you… we anger you because you could be us… we are a society that is limitless in possibility for every one of our citizens… that is not a truth that many in this world under stand… here you go as far as you are willing to push yourself… as far as you are willing to risk… we are you… for each day people arrive from all areas of the world… send us your poor… the unwanted and the unwashed and in time this opportunity turns them into success… it takes time for some… more for others… but each finds in time their place… not all succeed… not all make the dream a reality… what they do get is the chance to do so… what they make of the chance depends on them… on what they are willing to grasp… we are you and if you are angry with us it is because you want what we have… and more and more it is easier to look upon the frame work of this society and say it is wrong and corrupt… and violent… and we are all those things… butt even with all of that we are you… decedents of yours… who have brought forth from this new land… a grand experiment that stands and in some lands far and wide… people just like us have no say or ability to improve themselves above where they are born… at the very least we are what others wish they could be butt fear being… and we are not perfect in any way or means… we are imperfect… we are corruptible and have been… but that is people making choices that satisfy themselves… and it is people who make the difference… so it is time to stop and make connections with the people… with others who may not share the same thoughts as you and come to some place where we can agree if only we agree to disagree…

In this world of political correctness… I can be rather incorrect… since I believe once your family has lived here for say two generations… 80 years or more… fuck it you are an American… you are not an African American or Irish American or Jewish American or Catholic American or Christian American or Polish American or English American… you are simply an American… once we stop now referring to each other by adjectives we begin the process of acceptance of the person… they are not African American artists… they are simply artists…

The water falls in buckets… a constant drip we are stuck within… while I do so enjoy the April shower promise of a May with flowers some spring temperatures would be nice to go along with the rain witch is excessive… when the road gets to float it is a bit two much… any one for an ark…?

One in a singular sense has control over one… to be with some one we first need to be with ourselves… to be a singular entity… the best ones are those that know what one is… to know themselves in a way that allows for a sharing of self… if one passes on the knowledge of the singular in favor of the plural of two or more they miss being who they are… or they miss knowing the gift of who they are… gifts are elusive to begin with and when we forgo the journey of one we put off knowing or possibly ever knowing… two is easier to do… two allows for one to rest assured on the shoulders of another… two give on the present of another to calm the mind… yet to be two one has to know themselves well enough to know what they are capable of giving… what they are capable of taking… the plurals are necessary to know as well as the singulars… each has their place… one compliments the other…

The wave was a promise… a view from far off as one waited in anticipation of the cool refreshing water to move across… to caress the body… the mind and the soul… the wave ran up and teased its way along the extremes cooling the exterior… the edges swim in thought… the senses tingle… the mind wanders in the heat of the day lost in the sounds of the waves… over and over touching with that promise of washing over and the escape possible… a sigh is felt deep within… a child’s dream of being taken and washed away lost in the wonder of a thought… the heat filters in and we swelter in the warmth of the sun wrapped in thought hotter and steaming… and the waves cool… the waves bathe the body in endless ripples of anticipation… while the mind needs a hand to move… the soul has quenched its fill in the waves and gives in to the drowning of the moment in memory… deeper still the sighs roam… deeper still it whispers… yes deeper still…

Busy we are at times… lost in the confines of the day… the passion’s fruit cultivated in times before comes to bare the soul… the emotional fires spill forth and the day becomes a night… the busier we are the more we long for the quiet solitude only to long for the busy once we dwell in quiet for a time… better to have a few tasks at hand then to have none… the idol mind is often a fertile ground for wandering thoughts that lead to know where in particular… in times that is a wondrous opportunity to explore… in others is can be a void one needs to step beyond… a busy mind has not time for the voids of things it leaps effortlessly from task to task…

My mind wanders… it follows a twisting turning path way… my mind goes to places and imagines things that are not possible… I know they are not possible… not from the realm of possibilities butt more from the perspective of they are nice to consider and dream about… they are not things one would do on a daily basis though it would be nice to be able to… they are wondrous and beyond reach… but nice to consider…