There comes a moment when you know what to do… you know it to the core of your being that it is the right thing to do… all the logic in the world points you in this direction and yet more often then knot the choice we make is not the most logical or the one we should do… often it is the least logical and the one we should not… there comes a moment when we realize this…

There comes a moment when we sit with ourselves and truly see… when the vision clears and we are able to see in as well as out… there comes a time when we can be honest with ourselves… with who we are… with our emotions and the place we reside… there comes a moment in time when we are at peace with this time… when we are a singular hue… separated from the influences of others and the opinions they have of us and we come face to face with ourselves… this is where we learn to love… to tap into the well spring that exists in each soul… it begins with us… each one has that ability to grasp hold and share the depth of themselves only after they have come to terms with who they are… love begins with a love of self and blossoms out to embrace all the others that surround us… at times we are blind to them… we walk past them or they go unnoticed… then just as suddenly they are there… all around us… there comes a moment when a song or a word strikes home and we fall into its magic… we accept the song as a melody that speaks to us and the lyrics as expressions of our own heart… could not say it better we feel… until we do with some one we love… by our actions… our words… our passion for the time shared…

Today I could not stay away nor did I wish to be off to the shadows… today I wished with all my heart to be here… to share the moments and time that I could… today I am alone in my desire… alone in my passion… alone in my love of words… today I have no one with witch to share my soul… it is how it must be… it is how the tide has changed… how the water takes each on their own journey… it is the difficult choice… today I wanted to come and sit by the water’s edge and just breathe… to listen to the sound of my own voice… the need to be here… to write… to express a small peace of what is in my heart reality found its way… the spider… the fly… the trap of one or the other… locked effortless along a path way that each must wander… when alone there is peace… when together there is the danger of being entangled one with the other…

As the time slips to afternoon… as the day passes slowly toward the time when I must leave one place to journey to another… as the time of day moves closer to where I am less aware of things… I am aware of the silence… I am aware of the stolen opportunity… and I fear it more today then at times before… but that is the way of things… the path I am on…

The equal sign… a measure of balance or a sign that each gives in equal measures to the other… difficult a time becomes when at the moment one wishes to equate or measure what they give to what they take… to ask the question invites observation… asks for the critical eye to explore the measures of what each brings to the table… how we measure is unique… how we manage the mixing of hues… how we give and receive and what we gain from these exchanges are unique to the individuals involved… what one man spills another gathers to themselves… what one leaves out another begins with… a scrap to one is a meal to another… what gives the most pleasure today is just a stepping stone on the morrow… a great deal depends on the delight one gets from giving… what they take in comparison to what is received… at any one time is not equal… one does not have to balance words with ears… for one may speak volumes and say little while another speaks a line and fills the capacity of your mind… they are not equal on the surface… only when considered how they warm the other’s soul can the balance be struck… fear often keeps one from saying or doing some artistic thing… we write… yet we hold what we write inside… afraid to share it as possibly being child like or naïve… we draw… we compose music we paint… yet all these we keep inside sharing with ourselves… only after we know do we allow our voice to rise above the others and be part of the symphony of sounds… and still we are afraid… we fear the reaction we get so shy we become of our art and hide it we do inside and the child never gets to grow… never gets to share the unfolding of their imagination beyond the fear… writing has been a most interesting journey… the process of doing helps to ease the days along… it is here on these pages that I keep the perspective of time… of life in general and specific… never was I interested in what others thought of me… never was I one fro critical presence… it is one of the many reasons I walk the way I do… what I see myself as is for me to expand upon… it is for me to widen and grow… each day I am not concerned with equal signs or equations that bring into balance… other then the ones within… for each day the way calls for balance of mind body and soul… in that respect I look for balance and control… in other ways on any given day or time I know that there is not going to be equality of emotion… of love… of comfort… there will be an imbalance between us… times where the strength flows from one or the others because of particular talents and skills each of us has… when we walk… when we share… when we do what is in our hearts… we make the best contribution… it is when we try to balance things that we bring imbalance… it is when we fail to grasp the true meaning of what is possible… the steps are not about bringing all the forces into balance… the steps are about bringing hues into balance with one another and that is a chemical mixture that takes time and effortless ease to manage… to in joy experience…

Often it appears as if we are headed in the opposite direction… as if we are looking into the mirror… so that our movements are in reverse of what we intend them to be… a step right moves us left… a step ahead back… however they are steps in directions we need…places we need to go to learn of the skills we already have…

It is amazing that most of the time we do the things we should not in place of those we should… must have some thing to do with the allure of the should not over the should…or maybe our minds just like the stretch of the imagination toward that edge…

Fate exists… as does chance… they are not as much mirages as people let them on to be… fate has an interesting sense of humor and chance well he is more like a dog then the flighty animal we some times see him as… each day is filled with chances and opportunities… fates hand is in that tug upon our shoulder or that push that gets us moving when we find a choice difficult to make… everyone is worthy of love or loved in some way… love is formed over the times of action and reaction… to love we must first love ourselves… who we are… capable of loving we all are… it begins with love of self…as time goes on we develop a reaction to the world… and yes some grow into being unlovable by others after a time in their lives… but usually they are still loved by their parents and siblings… in situations where parents dislike their children… or even mistreat them there is usually a problem deep there… and it does pass on from generation to generation… some kids learn to have amnesia and others learn to use it as a crutch… we all have a destiny… to be who we are and true to that vision… some have a more viewable destiny then others…

Reality is what we make of it… a frying pan or a fire… either or… and then possibly both… reality is a conceptual perception of what happens… reality is in a way how we take the information in… and use it… at some point we know what we know and make choices on how to utilize that information… we make our own reality… from a combination of how we perceive the world around us and how we react to it… that is the reason some laugh when others cry… and some seem to be able to move effortlessly through while others struggle with each step… each day is different… each day is an opportunity… what we gain from it depends a great deal on how we mold our reality from the experiences we are having… reality is what it is… how we react to it is what makes it real in our lives or knot…

Real or otherwise imagined… we can believe some thing to be… and it becomes that in our lives… a word spoken can be a compliment or taken as a slight of hand… either or… is it real or imagined… it is as real as the reaction we get… or as imagined as the mind will take it to… when we dislike our reality we can change it… we can alter our perception of the place we are… and move toward some thing different…

Sweat is a sweet reaction to the pleasures… the gain of movement… the heat of the moment… the process of cooling ones being down from the fires that desire and passion can delight within…

In body matters… in fact there are times when in body matters more then at other times… and knowing when to be in body as opposed to out of body makes all the difference to the time one has with the time given to us…

Experiment we do… test the waters… ask the questions follow the answers… get close… find the rhythm and the rhyme… seek the mind… the soul… and then the body matters… at the end of the day what is beyond the body is the more we seek to console… but in truth the way there goes through the body imperfect…

Bothers … little ways to slip an annoyance in… a slight movement… a way of doing in just the right proportions… that disturbs the balance or rubs the skin creating an irritation… over time such a slight movement opens a rash of sores…what is a little bother in the night of sighs expressed… time to turn the lights off and see… where the path leads…

Alternative ways… allow the mind to go beyond… alternative ways allow the imagination to pursue the extreme… the paradox of ways is that the more one chooses the more choices they have over time… each one does not limit butt expands… the in produces an out… an out another in… motion leads to stillness of exhaustion… stillness leads to explosions of movement… one could say what are the alternatives if not choices we have yet to experience or to make for ourselves…

Small steps… flaps of ones wings… we learn to fly as we learn to walk… one leap at a time… one deep breath and the courage to jump out and see where life takes us… the old adage that what goes up must come down does not take into account how far… it is true that life has ups and downs… we control how far… for how far is within our capacity to control…

The edges expand to embrace the thoughts… a bit of red wine never considered possible is now a staple of the dream… alternative endings exist as we grow in the dream… what we thought possible may fade for a time before returning to our mind as a reality we never considered after a time… the truth in a dream is what we allow ourselves to believe of the potential we have…

Strength is a quality that is admired… like any quality or attribute it is both a blessing and a curse… it would appear on the surface that strength is a quality that would surround and protect… it would call out to others to come to me I will protect you… that is not the kind of strength we will delve into… there are many varieties of strength… physical strength… strength of character… of mind… of self image… we admire all of these strengths when we see them in other people because they are so apparent to our eyes… yet we all suffer from a blindness toward ourselves… it is some what of another quality… modesty… vane we would be if we expounded on about our own qualities… quietly we were told to go about our way and let our actions speak for themselves… but at times we were silent when we should have spoken… and spoken when we should have remained silent… even though each took a personal strength to do… failure we have to see… to hear… to feel our selves… believe others we do knot… their view is tainted by their emotions for us… spoiled by the false images they have of who we are… or so we tell ourselves… for it is easier to believe we are less then we are then to accept the fact that they could and are correct… that we are strong and that strength is a quality that is admired and at times envied…

A double edge it has… it does push people away… it creates barriers… imbalances in relationships… difficult it is to find and balance with another when one is strong… yet when one is not the balancing act is much easier… in time we begin to fear our own strengths… and see them not as qualities to be admired… more as skills to be hidden out of the sight of others… we grow tired of being the rock for others to stand upon… and wish for a time to lean upon another… for those of strength it is difficult to find some one willing to bear that… in time the lesson is not to be strong but to be less then who we are… we fear being who we are for being that means we have to be strong and when we are strong we push people away… for they have difficulty with us… yet we are no different… we have the same desires… needs… it just appears that we are beyond them… when in truth we need then just like any one else… we fear being ourselves… to be strong… to be the rock that each stands upon… yet we also know that until we are who we are… we shall not progress any further… so paralyzed with fear we become… and the daze remain the same… so much older I was way back then… now I am younger… for when it was time to stop… I stopped and lighten up on myself and accepted that I was imperfect… that I loved and was loved and as long as I had that at the end of each day… it was a good day…

In a time or a life time long ago… your strength never wavered… to the right of my hand you stood… a sentinel of strength when others failed… your abilities always at the ready… in all that life time you never wavered… it was a time when love of one another was never spoken of or declared… it was shown each day… over a life time of being close your strength protected… healed… and inspired… it is the image I still carry in my heart of you and the one you ignore the most I believe… except when you are with me… when you need to step forward… like you did Friday… when your strength was needed it flooded out of you to me and wrapped me in its protective influence… you fear being the protector… being the sentinel… the guardian… for to you it is a position of one… of being alone…strength I believe you equate with being alone…

The words escape me… they flow out in endless ripples… repeated drops into the stillness of the pool… each one surrounds hue… each one inspired by a singular voice or purpose… there is that elusive reasoning of fate that brought the soul of one from a distant past to another of a distinct future… one gives to the other… in equal balances we are told… over time I believe that occurs… over time I believe that I will manage to give back what I have been given… it may take more then this life time… it may take more then the time I have left in this life to bring the equations into balance… how does one bring balance two… that is not the proper way of looking at any relation ship… one should not look at how one needs to bring the ships into balance so that each shoulders the same… or appears to be the same… one should seek to be on their own course… on their own way… being on ones way is what keep one at peace… it is what keeps hue mingled… mixed with others in a way that is positive… being on ones way allows the day to be filled with the passion for living… when we are in that mood we can explore endlessly the possibilities that fate and time bring to each day and never end to move in the direction that adds to us in ways we never imagined… words escape me… words play out from the center of the pool to surround hue with encouragement… words… my mine spoken in the silence of my soul are all ways with hue… the passion plays with desire to reach out and grasp a small peace of your time and to be a small part of each day… what it all means and where it all leads I am sure enough to be unsure… what I do know is small compared to what I have yet to figure out… this moment matters… this present is what we need to explore as new territory… as each day ends we have placed into the path the wonder of having been here… and placed that brick into our foundation of who we are… in each day when we awaken with the knowledge that we are held in another’s heart we are capable of going one step beyond the wonder of the day before… love can be that double edged sword that limits and restricts… or it can be what you taught me it is… an emotion that encourages… an emotion that frees… an emotion that opens one to the many possibilities that exist in each dawn… an emotion that allows you to share of your heart… soul and being… an emotion that fills the voids of time… space… a state of being that pushes out of hue further and further until it encircles the ones who love you and fills their lives with a purpose and a direction… a state of direction that brings with it a peace of mind… heart and soul so that hue can sit and say volumes with your eyes alone… where each melts into the other… where time stands still so that memories are pressed into each mind and remain there time upon time… where words are knot needed but greatly appreciated…loved and held in my hands… where words are exchanged in notes and letter upon letter is kept… where the words trip the balance… and awakens the inspiration within… so the more flows openly… the more stirs within to fill the distance and bring the object of ones passion close in mind… in soul and in body… so close the passion to touch that the skin anticipates the finger tips… the soft caress of lips upon lips… until the sigh escapes… this is truly when words escape me… when all I can do is sigh…deeply… a sigh of completeness… a sigh or gasp of giving into the passion shared…

My usual mode of expression is the escape of words… the range of with could cover a mountaintop and rain down flakes of snow or a torrent of water… it does depend on your point of view… to some the hills are alive… with the flood… and in the wake of that flood there is the water of words attempting to have a perspective… to others the rain is gentle and pleasant to the mind as it refreshes the mind… awakens the soul to the possibilities… at any one time or another…

Conversations never stop… they take alternative ways… agreeing with some one has the power to slow their mine… to bring them closer to the whisper… to edge the ear closer to the lips that speak… that will do it… expressed the complete idea that you described… if one needs help in that regard that would certainly do it…

Direction to me is not in all ways forward or in plain sight… it takes a certain some one to get me… and the time to let the words sink in a bit… on the surface there are things that are apparent… the more elusive things are layered within the letters and between the lines… there is some thing magical about words that reach out and we grasp them as being for us when in fact they are… or were written in that respect… when ever I could not write to you directly for one reason or another I wrote indirectly and most of what I write is in a place that hue can find it…

The tides wash over one and flow across the other… the waters mingle salt and pure… and become one… over time the pure evaporates out of the salt and find the clouds… floating over the land to gather potential until softly once more it falls as rain… and washes once more home to the sea… once more home to be wrapped and embraced with welcoming arms… at the dawn of each day… one hears the whisper of welcome home… and smiles…

In each journey the steps we take at times broaden or reduce the next set of possibilities… each explores the other… the adventure is in the shared experience of time or of what time allows us to have… to hold on to a second and to encapsulate that moment is what a memory is… the edges of our imagination grow in ever widening perspectives… as children we have that ability to imagine but we are limited by subjective ideas… as we grow if we are wise we keep the ability to imagine and add the ability to wander in as many different areas as there are possibilities for us…

What at once appears impossible can be reached in time… we can access it… we can make that leap if and when we are prepared… it is a matter of perspectives… what we will allow ourselves… what appears at one moment to be beyond our reach is suddenly thrust before us… and now we have to decide how we are going to use this opportunity…

The great nothing came forth… that void or absence of the ability to write anything of merit… maybe it is a mood more then a void… or absence… it is a mood that says nothing is good enough so why bother the attempt… or maybe it is time tripping us… upsetting the balance within… certain subjects play at our imaginations more then others… and when we imagine we let go the reality that we are faced with day to day and let in the possibilities that free our minds… within the great nothing is a void… of words… of emotions… of connections we have… want… desire… and yet even when we face them one to one… we some times fail to act upon the opportunity… in time we learn that… in time we learn the wisdom of grasping opportunities when they present themselves…

We seek our own solace in the art of our desire… we find our way as we use our imaginations to create from nothing some thing of a value… the value may only be to us a means from witch we find our way… but as time goes on we may find that the art we share does have some value to others… if nothing more then an encouraging push or enticement to share… life is about opportunities and possibilities we grasp… more so then the ones that we allow to pass on by… we are defined by what we do… knot as much by what we let slip away…

Life is a journey that has moments… inside each moment is a perspective… to one an obstacle… to another an adventure… to one a slip… to another an opportunity… how we approach the day at times defines the day… to share we have to spread around our experiences… and not all are problems… for to some a problem is a possibility or opportunity… to another it is a struggle to over come… how we perceive it gives it is power within us… some are controlled by the events of the day… others orchestrate the events of the day… some roll and some are rolled over… some jump out of the way and some jump into the whey… each moment we make a choice to be within are those moments we remember… and when we reach out we find that sharing of time becomes easy and effortless… we find that the sun rises and sets are beautiful… that the tides are high and then low… that words written in sand find their peace as they are erased so we can begin again… some thing new… some thing interesting… so much changes when we take a different perspective…

There are occasions to be out there among the many… the select few know the way… there is that adage that many are called and few respond… to witch I will add… even less are worthy… there are good people out there… here… about… seeking the solace of time… there are interesting ideas out there… here… to place and to debate… the question is an open one seeking answers from the many avenues… the many travelers along this highway…

Difficult finding those who over stand… easy it would appear on the surface to share butt in reality it is knot as it would be in my imagination… there are a number of things that make life interesting to me that others fail to see… hear or feel… the foundation that runs within is truly ones own river of dreams… know one else truly over stands another or gets them… some come close… but know one gets another person completely… butt we do get close enough to allow them that entrance… and once inside we are vulnerable to them… and they to us… and that intimacy is a rather thin line that is very easy to slip up on… having done so a number of times I take smaller steps and wait longer in the shadows… and ask less of the few… for I will never get it right… and the longer it goes on the less I get… some times it is best to let go… when the heat is at its most intense… and spiral out of control for a time then to slowly fade to embers… the shooting star of the failing star… the quenching of ones flame in a single instant or the slow ramble on that takes its toll day upon day… to each their own… difficult it is finding ones that over stand… difficult still to keep them one we find them… that is the way of things of late… the comings and the goings… the taste of what the future holds… only so much can be given and even though nothing is asked in return a price is attached to everything and when some one feels they are in an imbalanced equations they move to balance the scales… and if they cannot balance the scales at this time they push back until the scales find a place in time where the sides do match in intensity… so that the necessary balance is reached… so that the balance of each is found within the time of now… even when the desire is to give more… only so much can be taken in… the rest over flows the cup and spills out… all the love in the world cannot be held in one glass… and some times the passion one has for another cannot be held by the other… and it spills forth back to the earth… to the foundation of all magic… but then I am a dreamer is all… and hope full that in time I will find those whose patterns compliment mine… all the while I over stand it is difficult to find those who over stand… and more difficult to hold them when you do… is there anybody out there… do you see what I see… there is not much one can do to control the flow only the awareness of it… hidden in other shades the effects diminish and are hidden in the depths of ones being… open to those with the eyes to see and the ears to hear and the soul to touch… open to the ones with the keys willing to use them…

The difference between is the willingness to use them… to take chances… to put oneself out in the world… easier it is to shield off and put aside that witch… easier it is to be a shadow dweller… on the threshold of the dream then to jump in and live the dream… to partake of the conversation… the give then the take… some days it is the leaves that fall that trap us… some days it is the leaves that strain to be born… the ones under the covers… the ones we have yet to experience… the greatest fear is the unknown variable… the words another will say or how they will respond… but then… that is also the greatest mystery and opportunity we have…

Circles become clear… after we tumble around a bit we get our bearings… we roll with the things that come along a bit faster or in the opposite direction to where we are heading… aware we are of the presence… the now of time ticks a bit louder then maybe the now before… but tick it does… and while today is upon us the time should be taken to consider where we are going… who we are going with… where will it lead us to… there are only so many steps any one can take in tandem with another… after that they must walk for a time on their own… while we can share the burdens or the presents of each day with one another… at times the only solace we will get is the knowledge that we are not truly alone… that we are connected by this thread of magic… by this single thread of time weaved into each of our histories and present… circles become bindings as they pull tighter about us and we awaken to the warmth they bring of the embrace… a single drop of passion is some times enough for a life time of inspiration… or it seems to be that way when one is cut loose of their strings and they follow the natural progression of their art… from inside flows the words… from inside flows the strokes… from inside flows the notes… each an orchestra of its own… each a paradox…each a lesson to learn… each a step in the direction toward home… for where ever we find one another is home… where ever the shores meet is home… where ever the words touch your heart they are home… and where else would we be but home with one another…

Of late the steps have been some what curious… some what more of a challenge… for they are sentimental steps for me… each one a departure from some place I in joy sat… but time does not allow for the sitting when it is time to move along… the trick is knowing what to take with hue… and what to leave behind for another time… another visit… choices have to be made as to what peaces… the ones that makes me complete… the ones that bring me peace… the ones of inspiration and passion… of late the steps were difficult ones to walk… but then any thing worth having is worth navigating a rough sea… and still there is more turbulence to go… yet I know that the tides will carry me… and if by chance the tide drifts in opposite direction I know that the time will arrive when the shores of each will find common sands in times hourglass…

Absolutes exist in mind… the body and the soul are incapable of extremes… only ones imagination can partake of extremes… only ones dreams are perfect in the use of the furthest limit… reality in witch we reside must take into the accounts all others factors… and the slide never goes the full distance… for there is in time all ways those who resist the movement away from the balanced middle… cause and effect… high and low… minimums to pass the tide along… we are here to know more… across the river there is a bridge that allows others in or leads them out… each bank or spot is managed by a thought that allows one to enter… it is true that time changes us and allows an easement of soreness to fade away… difference is we find a place where we can speak… where we can share… where we can give… thought allows for a moment in time to express… and while the days seem to be getting longer the cold has settled in… walls have that special quality to insulate… to keep distance… and so it is what it is… not the same only different but still some thing other then the nothing it could have become… like so many others before fires burn then fall to embers… some will pour the cold water on them to finally put them out… others choose to let them smolder… so that when ever one needs to be reminded they can be… I prefer the smoldering places myself for they act as the memory banks I require… the places I go to and from… some see them as waste lands of previous times… of the burning after… that is because they never look underneath… they see with absolutes that there is nothing there but burning embers and smoke… they over look the heat… the fires that are smoldering under the surface… they prefer in their minds to go forward without taking some of that with them… setting it aside and making absolute judgments as to what was is and will be… me… myself… am a dreamer of a strange sort… knowing I set the fires and caused the scorched earth… remain to watch for the first signs of new life… fresh green growth and potential… my time within the frame work of these walls is short… when measured over the course of time… a second has occurred that defines my life time… when measured over millions of years one day is lost in the wash of a single drop of rain… yet we can remember in details the spark that ignited the fires and destroyed the land that held it… and then it takes time… ages measured in terms of that single second to allow the waters and time and the power of the earth to rebuild… to grow… to go beyond… and for time upon time the land will hold the scars… as humans do… in their memories… until they move on to the next experience…

Some time ago I stopped worrying about stuff that I used to worry about… the layers of possibilities have thinned greatly… I still write the way I do because this is the style to witch I enjoy… I guess if I wrote about my day and life and family that would interest some and attract more attention… but this was never about attention… or being known… though some times I feel that aloneness… that emptiness in time… all of it my own doing… does not ease the sensation… I stopped worrying about the tides and the direction I was wandering off in… for I knew that I could follow the river to the sea and float across the oceans to the deserts… and still I would never truly be alone… but the words escape me of late… learning to be inspired by ones own imagination is some what more difficult then using the sparks granted by another’s flame… know matter how much you love some one they are some one with needs and desires all of their own… and no matter how much we wish for them… our desires and passion matters not but as a rock for them to stand upon and move forward… to move beyond us… we can be only so much and then we are past… present… future depends on how we move once the change in the weather is felt upon our beings… the tremors… the spine tingles… the intuitive knowledge that it is time… some time ago I stopped worrying about what it was and worried about when… for when is the more surprising of the changes then the what…the what is a natural growth… the when is the variable that changes everything from that moment on… and so in the last few dazes I set aside some thoughts in a passionate bundle and let it go… and now the sea is much calmer… the air much lighter and the days more open to the dawn… there is only so much room in a soul before one leaves or steps away… no matter how much you love… some times love is not enough… some times the gifts of our time and the gifts of our talents is not enough…