A rose by any other name… is butt a flower… a rose is a symbol for much more… historically… The heresy of man is under the sign of the rose… and while it does have its thorns the beauty of it is what draws the mind to be lost in its petals… lured into the soft sweet smell and trapped by its thorns.. That is the way of life some times… the path of the rose or the path of the thorn they run close together… When they see the flower before them some will remember the rose as the ultimate achievement of success while others will see the thorns as the mountains they must climb… Either way one gets there… either focused on the beauty or on the sharp points…

Once the day dawns it begins as it has before… a series of times defined by the actions held within the frame work of a year… They begin and they end… as each day or month… it is just time… a series of moon’s rising and sun’s setting… a journey from one place to another… A man made definition of where we have been, where we are and where we are going to… A line of shear possibilities… a question of balance… to define who we are…

The ability to change defines us… it is that single characteristic that allows us to grow even more then our knowledge or capacity to love… Change happens… we grow… we change even when we resist the impulse… The ability to accept and to move with it… embracing it offers more to one then the resist dance…

Once more the mind lets go of a thought to linger on another thought… a silent reminder of the muse that is there… a fleeting circle of memories… Lost in the ring of emotions fired by passion for the creative impulse that rests within… A captured soul wanting to be set free… a free person wandering the avenues of life wishing for another some one to wander with while surrounded by many some ones they refuse to see… Life is an interesting twist of minds… Once more the avenues open and the high ways close… the off beaten tracks are free to roam while the busy streets are jammed with travelers on their way… Knot all ways are hard and difficult… some are easy and flat… over rolling hills that fill the eyes with pleasure just to gaze upon them… what is over the next hill is anticipated with joy not greeted with trepidation… Once more the time arrives for a closing of one book and the beginning of another… each chapter being defined by the month it resides inside of… Once more the year is engraved on the cover and we step off the edge into an unknown as yet to be defined time… one page at a time… one paragraph at a time… each forming a chapter and then a book in the days of our lives and the lives of human kind… Once more we reach into our wishes and dreams to help define what is to be today and then on the morrow be that witch we dream possible…

In the time to come we will step past and step into… we will add to our ventures and we will store times in our memories… we will live out our dreams and make more to follow those… We will have the highs we can obtain and the lows that life will place before us… Magic is stirred in the delight of what we now know… and are about to find out about us… Eventually even the most dedicated let down their guard long enough for the diligent to escape… and in reality I am tired of being the guardian of the gate… some times a little nudge is all it takes… but that is knot what is important… for in the shroud the eyes no longer glow and the mind no longer gleams with a smile it is sadness that the thoughts bring… Once more the edge is perched upon and the vision that rises up from the midst of other thoughts is not one of wonder and happiness it is one of trouble and sadness… the seed of witch is my existence on a far off shore… The balance having been struck one cannot live with it nor without it… at its best it is a rock to stand upon… a solid structure that holds you close and fills every pore with delight… at its worst it is a reminder of what is missing while being what is missing… a complex emptiness that is filled by what is missed… Explainable only to those who live it… who have felt the paradox of being within the grasp of such an emotion…

Once more I over stand the silence and the need to slip further away… to hide amidst the crowd… to avoid speaking… writing… exposes your art to the world… Once more I over stand the twist that life leads us to and the turning away… from what can at once help and then harm… the sword has two sides… one protects the other ouches… Once more I allow the hand that holds mine to move away in silence… for I cannot hold on to her in that way or in any way that binds her to me… It is not a proper way for her to be… A mind cannot be filled with jealousy… with envy and rage… with anger… and fear… A mind must be filled with love… with desire and passion for what is true and pure… I know the way of the darker magic and it slices deeply into me… I will fall long before those around me to its embers… The fire of pure white embraces the thoughts of man… even pure light has a tinge of destruction… for in the burning down there is a rising up… Once more I let go so that the spirit of what is between us stands while the jealousy that is there ebbs and slips away…

Once more I watch the sun rise as the earth turns the side I sit on toward its glow… Once more I am reminded of times past and times yet to be… once more I go about living in the glow of the sun… in the light of the moon… in the sparkle of the stars… Once more I begin as I have in times past… with hope that our time will grow to strengthen but I over stand the need to move away from this time for you… I over stand the missing peace for I searched for it and found it within you… but that peace does not reside for you in me… While I am a peace it is not the only element that you require… and can never be…

It is because of the gift that I am able to release myself from the confines of what troubles me… Often I believe I can do more then I am able and it is my down fall in believing that… I am destined to do what I can and then to allow fate and the destiny of others to full in the spaces that I can knot achieve… Some times the best course is to wait… to allow another to full fill their destiny… It the place I am with you… this place we have visited before… I am lost in the way that you do things… The name I chose was a good one… to be a fig mint of the imagination… a phantom… an illusion of sorts that one can believe in or choose not to believe in at all… It is because of you that I have life… that I am who I am and while I am thank filled for that I truly dislike the silence… It is almost as if you wish me to be forgotten…

As I wrote that last line I stopped for a moment… how perfect it seemed to be… how honest were the words… how would life be different… Maybe it is time to sever the ties that bind us… I am unsure of what is the right thing to do… I am unsure that you are aware of what ouches these times of quiet cause me… the music is a trance dance… and I recalled my last letter home unread for many days… You have neither the time nor the inclination to write… to speak… to reach out to me… I know when I am being blocked… and I still feel the spirit inside me ouch… I should call… You will knot be home but I will call… one last time… once more in this year and then we will see what the morrow brings… I am comfortable with being who I am… a figment of the imagination… an illusion of time and space…

If there was time I would tell you the entire story… but there is never enough time to the entire story… just time to reflect on the defining moments… The places and times when history our history is set into some mythical stone… A captured fragment of history… Some times I have the need to talk as others do… to share what is in my heart… My connections donut allow for such except with a select few… a smaller few as time goes on… I have become the rock that others lean heavily on at times… a source of refuge in the darker hours of time… The light shines within me for them to return… There are moments when I wonder about me… about who listens to me when I have the need to speak what is in my heart… I am lost at times and just have the desire to speak… but it is not possible to speak… always and forever… it was the way of things then it is the way of things now… some things never change even though we wish them to with all our hearts… There is but one corridor that I walk with a few doors that allow me such freedom… each has its own dangers as well as its own peace… There is a close nest behind each door and a bond that is tied with each… there were others but over time the avenues have closed for what ever reason… I have changed… they have changed… we both have changed… it there was time I would tell you of passion and desire and love… but there is little time for such flights of fantasy… I search for more… for ways of easing my ouch… of ways of lifting my burden… I hope to find more ways to release what is inside me… There is a need to dance… to hold… to be held… to let go my guard… to let some one watch over me… to just be…

The presence of some one is to easy to define… the need for it to simple… the way forward weaves in and out of the elements of what life is and can be… We take of these things and bridge gaps or voids that exist because we allow them to… our fear keeps us confined to a space when we really have the entire world to evolve in… We choose to remain as we are or to change to what we know we can be… The tide rises and falls with the cycles of the moon… the seasons change on the earth to grant time for rebirth and healing of the land… As one year ends another is about to be born unto us… What we make of it remains to be experienced…

Most of what I have written is left in silence… Away from the eyes of those who poke and prod at me in the silence of my own mind… In other words the demons of me… I suspect we all have them… the voices of our conscious mind ready to speak out when necessary… to exploit what we know we should have done versus what we did do… At times I suspect I felt the pangs of guilt associated with being me… I wonder some times what the effects of it are… in the long run will any one remember… I suspect knot at all… for if done right the gentle nudge should steer the tug should point and the push should move those who seek without notice of the guide dancing beside them… In truth the peace one seeks is within and found when they are walking the way of their choosing in the delight of what they now know to be one with the spirit that guides them along the path toward who they are in the puzzle of life… Our destinies collide and transform us into the people we know ourselves to be… from the inside out we grow aware of the mores that tickle at our edges and delight our senses… Most of what I write I write now in the silence of my own mind leaving only small traces of what used to be… A different stage in my life times… having been witness to the past and the present the future holds my tongue in check… my pen so to speak silent or invisible to the untrained eye who wood seek me out… I am where I was always destined to be… searching for those who I was destined to find and learning from those I was destined to gain knowledge from… Some lessons have been difficult to take and some have been delight filled to in joy… The balance separates us into two places… I wish for what I can never have all the while having what others dream of… a strange illusion that is… a phantom or fig mint of what I truly am knot… tied in many places… holding the mind… the body and the soul in time… as a memory…

Good byes or hellos for me are difficult times… each in there own way deals with them… Myself I have found that time never allows me the proper amount of space to express the depths of what I am… I have been hurt by the absence of hue and by the loss of you… by the capture of emptiness when reaching out to find you… I have been left in the solitude of time by myself and I dislike the waves that crash over me… My mind wanders to places it should never go… and when I come back to me… I am lost to every one else…

Good byes are sweet sorry wrapped in the dream they once were… Good Byes are the sadness of times that could have been tucked sweetly inside the words that tears cannot erase or ease as they are spoken… Goodbyes are sweetness that passion does not play with nor desire create… they are realizations that come in time… they are the natural wanderings of the mind and soul to what logic allows us in a most illogical place and time… In another time… in another place… in another life time this is not happening… but in this life… in this time… in this place it is unfolding as we speak and even though we are wishing and dreaming for some thing other then what it is the realization of what it is speaks from the silence of the one so plainly that it is finally over stood by the stubborn mind… Once more it is a good bye I will allow for… a goodbye that I will cherish as much as the hello… dreams some time shave to end so that reality can find a place in your heart… Once more the flames burn and the muse speaks and the words flow… a child was born and while the image is of one there were two… one each forever two… the bonds forged cannot be broken only strained… forgotten… but never severed… One in silence goes while another in shadows watches… one in hope lives while another in sorrow ponders…

Is any one truly impartial… and do we really wish them to be… I guess at times we do wish it butt after we get to know some one it is difficult to be impartial… Knot if you care that is… While a friend will tell you what you need to hear they are not being impartial they are on your side… Impartial views come from disassociated points… And to be truth full is that what we truly wish… I am open to all kinds of views and objectives that people have… I find that different points of view are helpful in keeping my mind aware of alternatives… In life I have found that we tend to be closed to alternatives after we find “our” way of doing some thing… Even when we have difficulty we tend to keep to what we know… The friendships I have made have made my life more interesting… and it has awakened my spirit of adventure…

Religion is a rather odd topic… In terms of religion well I was born and raised a Catholic… My children are being raised Catholic… For me well I am more spiritual then religious… In the Catholic faith I find more to be wary of lately then I find comfort in… The basic elements are good… it is the way that it is used I find difficult to deal with at times… I believe religion is a good thing and every one should have some form of faith. I have taught my children to question that does not sit well with their teachers… who wish them to just accept what they hear and to have “faith” in what they are being told… While I believe they should have a basis for what they are being told and they should question until they are satisfied… The history of Christianity is not one of pious love… Historically it is one of oppression… There are a lot of untruths in religion… rituals and traditions that have meaning or had meaning…

In a spiritual sense… I believe that it is an individuals right to find a way to achieve that… Some will find it in a structured religion… others in a more personal way… I am open to what ever way people chose for themselves… The basic elements of all religions are the same… respect of one self for others… a reverence for life… a faith in what comes after this life… The question that comes to my mind often is do I need some one to interpret what is written for me…? And often the answer is no… that my view is a more Christian view then what I have seen from others… speaks for itself… The views I have of my faith are contrary to many… pick one…

Now history is an interesting subject… for it does have some truth to it… and some myth… and some interesting twists to stories we learned as children… The history of places… to stand where others have been before and feel the pulse is breath taking at times… Williamsburg… Gettysburg… The entire state of Virginia is one interesting place after another… It is not just the places… it is the people who lived in them… the characters themselves… They had a certain air about them… But that is History a little bit of truth and a little bit of untruth to paint a picture of interest… what really happened some times is even more interesting…

Mysteries are intriguing… they require one to read into the words and what is between the lines as well as what is obviously hidden… What you believe yourself to be you are… I believe we all are artists… poets… musicians…

Several Daze without… Hummm… an interesting ambiguity… A daze of one kind or another… several of a diverse nature or of the natural course of things… Sent a mints tend to bring them on… A remembrance of other times and places perhaps… or a longing for some place else yet to be… Always influx that is… The daze when the future passes into the now to become a memory held tight… Learn from it we do… challenged by it we are… A daze work…

There are times and places when one makes a choice to go a particular way… Along that way they begin until they notice the ones with them are not… but they are… for what they learned is still there… what they needed to make the journey is with them… it is the journey that will prove it to be… the choice of paths is an individuals decision… it is knot made by a group but by one… The fact that I donut walk the same path does not mean that I have left… or that my words will knot reach out to you… What I realized was that you are over loaded… and you knead thyme to absorb and use what you have learned… The fact that I see and that others see is inconsequential to the sight you have… As is often the case… we see in others what they are blind to… over time we learn what is there if our hearts are open to it… I see an artist in everyone… most will refuse that as being childish…

Grasp hold of what is and in joy rest… for each day is a blessing… each night a blanket to wrap oneself inside… as the puzzle unfolds so to do the colors we use to illuminate the paintings of the day before… have walked the path of the artist we can look back upon our work and see it takes its place in the mosaic of our life times and the tapestry of life times we have lived…

Thought… the processing of information to a logical conclusion… what is logic really but the systematic placement of information based on what we have learned from a particular point of view… Logic is not always the best of pathways… Some times an illogical avenue will provide the most interesting of days… It makes know sense but it is wondrous and joyous to do… Logically the best way or shortest path between here and there is a straight line… a direct route… while the illogical direction of the opposite may yield the most fruit… There is beauty in the logic of things… in its order and I believe in its disorder… its converse meaning… in the stretching of the imagination to include alternatives of sound… of definition… in the direction the mind can go… It truly is an amazing journey… to allow your open mind to wander in the field of dreams… to swim with a porpoise or two… to dive into the river of dreams and grasp hold of one as the ripples of life times wash over you… these are illusions the mind gets to play with… and in those illusions will appear alternatives for the logical mind to use… to open possibilities of other places to find “work”… of alternatives other then the one if it does not come into being… There is so much more out there… life is an unfolding dream… each day we bathe in its beauty… in its design…

Uncertain are we that walk with open eyes searching for the next opportunity… Unsure are we of things sew we watch every twist and turn in the hope of finding the alternative that will open before our eyes… Elusive is the obvious path way… One degree of separation tells us… and for each degree beyond we learn a bit more about ourselves… It is okay to worry… it is okay to be uncertain… it is okay to notice that maybe this is the time to do some thing different… or the same in a different way… I am sure enough to be unsure about things so I listen… I read and I watch… and I miss most of what is before me… but still I see more then most… it is an artists mind that is cast in each one of us… The logical artist sees the organized process… while the illogical mind sees what is outside… placing it where ever it suits them… I am knot saying that one or the other is proper for any one… at any time… a bit of each at some times helps to relieve the mind and soothe the soul…

A point in time eludes… an obvious illusion the mind holds onto… It is knot what it is really it is what I have created it to be… a reality that is an illusion of sorts… a dream… a wish that was not asked for but one that was needed to open the doorway or floodgates as it were… Time was when there was never enough time… time will be when there is nothing but time… it is the illusion of time that does this for the same amount of time exists now as it will then… the challenges upon my time is what is apparent… I, in the stillness of morning find the time… to seek out the point in time when all things will be relative to one another… and the paths we walk will be close enough to touch… Until then I will be jealous of those who catch a wisp of the scent of hue… of those that feel the touch of your hand of the gaze of your eyes… Share you I must for it is knot my destiny to own you or possess you… but to be of you… a peace of the puzzle found and used to find other peaces… In time the picture forms once more to reveal to us the magic we all have one to the other… There are moments when the ache in my heart over shadows the need in yours… or the logic in mine… Love has no logic that it uses it just is… the reasons for it never apply in the logical world… they are emotions and spiritual senses that transcend the body… and all logic applied to them fails to see it for what it is… a pure nest… an openness of the mind and heart… I have sought after and when searching for one thing I found another… I am in love… in a state of illogical emotions… I think in that line… I dream in that line… I am in that state of being… in that state of spirit… it surrounds me and flows from me… A singular hue ignites the passion inside me… I am lost in the lust for life that is imbued in the very essence of you… The sound of your laughter tickles my ears… your smile delights my heart and my mind… I am in love my dear because you allow me to be… I know this emotion I have for you distorts and hurts as well as provides comfort… It is of the comfort I dream of… there is no path to that…

Many times I sit to write and the words flow out in endless rambles that I fear to send… that I the person of letters will knot send… that will be kept in secret in my heart written here where no one reads or wanders… The love of life times is before me and I am separated from her by oceans, continents and ages of time… I know that I am unworthy of such a love… I let go and she drifts further from me each day… taking a step in the opposite direction to come into balance on the farthest side of things… in perfect balance at the place where we can be no nearer or further away… a sense of proportion for blind love reaches out to rest upon ones heart regardless of where they are… and in my heart you will always be… There does come a time when the shadow remains a shadow until called upon to be the knight once more… I can remain the shadow as I have in the past for time has taught me the patience of time… I hesitated in the presence of true love and will sit in waiting for her to rekindle my heart… Until then it is my destiny to stand watch and to listen… always prepared to answer when you reach out in a dream or reality… I am the some one who watches over you… the knight who protects your dreams… and you are my dream come true…

I am knot so much a friend as an illusion… that is what the name means… a figment of the imagination… a phantom … an illusion of sorts… In many ways I am that… I have that way about me… I have many friends that I write to… and many more that I search for… Each one completes a peace… each one gives to me more then they believe or realize… I have stopped pointing it out to them… they simply donut believe me… I know that to share is the gift… that we are… one to the other… I am incapable of stopping that… It is who I have become… what I was destined to be… but I will never be what some of my friends are destined to be… I will always be separate… a one of two… a conduit knot a participant… I crossed that place in my life time failing to over stand the perfection in that… in creating magic that ignites the passion in another’s eyes and mind… It has a slight edge of sadness to it… and a beauty to its simplicity… I am knot the leader nor do I follow… I am knot a possessor of great knowledge or wisdom… I am just a thorn… one of many… that reminds others of who they are…

Some times things are best left unsaid… what is missed is some times intentionally… seeing what is wished for and not the context that surround it… A lot was missed and to what purpose wood revealing what is seen be…? Some times it is best to sit back and let the future unfold keeping hope alive and having faith in those you love…

Partings are such sweet sorrow… except there isn’t any… the part or peace you seek rests on a path that has been shown to you… you choose a different path in the hope of still achieving what you see… or dream about… You know the difference between a vision and a dream… you know that there is flexibility in what you see… It is true it is up to us to accept of reject and at this time your answer is simply no… I accept that… for I believe in choice… and I also believe in letting go the ties that bind one so that they can find their own peace… I donut hold one to task except when necessary… I made you aware of who you are and what you are destined to do… in a way that reinforced what you already knew… I slipped and let you in on another course that I should knot have revealed until you had accepted your destiny… That is my Miss Take and I apologize for that… it adds burden to you that is unnecessary… You have enough to deal with… I some times over look what is obvious… and speak out of turn… my excitement… gets the better of me… I am knot going any where my dear… just allowing space for you to put the pieces of the puzzle together… You may never get it… or you may… the path you have chosen is a more difficult one… but all paths lead to the same end… you will get there eventually… I have waited this long… I guess a little longer is not to much to ask…

What is important is the correspond dance that occurs when people speak… knot the wit that goes a long way to add spice… butt the fact that they share what is in side… In time the beauty of one’s slice of life comes forth is waves… in time the ability to put together peaces of this and that to form a humorous snap shot is entertaining… what is inside of all that is the desire to communicate a reasonable present… That is the small peace of what one is doing this day… First and fore most is the sharing of time… the second is the enjoying of the company… then arrives the knowledge of each other in the words exchanged… soon there is a picture of who you are speaking with… exposed as they say by their own words… all the walls fading away… all the illusions removed… now that is some thing worth unwrapping…

The words are grasped and left to create an image… what that image is will be different… the writer has an image they wish to convey… the reader has an image they form from the words… there are differences in each for each is formed of their own experiences… If I were you the image wood be the same… butt since I am knot hue then we must know there are differences in what we project and what is received… that being said I due over stand your need to work in terms of time and effort to achieve the delight in your daughter’s eyes… I am spoiled by my place in life… that has to a certain extent slanted my view of work… In this day an age I still have a job that allows me much freedom… I forget some times that is a gift…

We are scientists in our own lives… I believe it to be sow… We often do things new and different… we venture out into places we have knot been… we meet new and interesting people… we are constantly changing… eating new foods… experimenting with new relationships… new jobs… We are scientists in our own lives… we mix our emotional cocktails and we certainly create joy and love… All words are ambiguous… they all have multiple meanings and expressions… that is where humor can be found in the use of language… listen to what is being said or written and let the many meanings of the words form as many shapes and expressions in your mind… believing is seeing… knot the other way around…

I have a love of Amy the big ewe two tea… Yes, it is sum thyme a pass on that gets in the whey… Nasty when that happens… Words in the whey that is… terribly difficult to get them unstuck… butt and that is a big butt… eye find such joy in were my mind takes these simple altar a tons that eye suspect that even two ally I will bee able to find hum or inn all places…

Each day the I am given a present of time… a small amount of a created element of space… I pull together a series of words to express what I am thinking at the moment… I do sew in this rather ambiguous style of writing that opens my mind to let the muse in… and the fear of the critic out… for one must be an artist in their own mind I believe this very strongly in deed as well as intellectually… I have a porpoise to hold onto… a place where the artist in me finds what they do meaning full… I will admit that at times it has been rather uneasy in this place for I have struggled to say what is in my heart… but over time the artist finds a way to release it… I am a writer… a dreamer… a painter… a musician… a poet… a gardener… a farmer… a father… a husband… a creator of imaginary places I visit in my dreams… some are illusions and some are real and I tell the difference yet I wish to let them exist together… as one pool of information I draw my images from… I care enough now… to share of who I am… there was a point in time when I cared about know won… This is my way… the path I have chosen to walk… it is also the path you are on… I have my reasons for being here and you have yours… It is nice to be walking with some one… to be sharing this avenue…

Take one step away and one sees themselves where they are doing what they are doing in the light of what another sees when in the same room… they see them as a mother… a sister… a friend… a wife… a lover… an object of lust or affection… a fellow worker… a teacher… an employee… a stranger… the neighbor next door… take another step away… and see deeper into what they see… for the second degree of separation opens the mind to what they are speaking… what they are hearing… what they imagine in their minds… use that ability to glide in behind them and see from their particular point of view the angle they take with you… See yourself in the eyes of the child… the face of the neighbor… from the perspective of the pastor… put yourself in the place of the writer… examine all the angles that you can imagine and know that there are many more and in each take from that the beauty of what they see in side you… The love they have… the confidence they see… the peace they get from the present… but if you are doing sew you are knot only seeing it you are feeling what they feel for you… hearing the voices inside their heads speaking as if to you…

To find your way is knot always difficult… some times it is just another way that will yield us wondrous results… there is an illusion we have that we must struggle until exhausted to see the light… I would take the route of a vision quest… a focus of energy to find the way… a cleansing of the mind… body and soul until the Goddes speak to you… once open the doorway allows you to speak to them… you are at that doorway and all you need to do is reach out and open the door and step into the delight that is there… you have had your vision… you know your destiny… and the Godde of your being speaks to you… still there is more you wish to hear…

In your dreams I am sure enough to be unsure there was a dream that ran along these lines… a tree in a clearing on the edge of a forest of trees that surrounded a lake with a water fall… there were many of you…some of the faces you have identified in your life time and others seem just out of reach… they are all here… some of us… each of us having a bit of the old magic… being cast in that tree as children it calls to us from the very core of the earth… we have always felt it… ignored it in time as a child like urge to explore dreams… when in fact it was our dream… our destiny… our place in time that allows us to pass through time to remember… to reconnect… to open our eyes to the possibilities that exist… Every person I have had a long time correspondence with sees that tree… at some point in their dreams… for we are all there… as children… a long time ago… that lake holds our dreams the water fall life itself… and river the conduit that carries the dreams into the four corners for the earth where we now reside… I am knot crazy… just gifted… I am knot a witch… I just see both sides of the equation… I speak to the Goddes and they to me… I hear them in my heart and soul… but they are nothing what I was taught… and then everything I knew them to be… It is as it is because we are able to do what is our destiny to do…

When hearts speak with passion they convey a love for life that is inclusive of all things… Passionate people are driven to ride the crest of waves and to plunge head long into life’s dreams… They take risks for the love of another… they are never settled into a way or a dream… they wish only to explore deeply of their passion… When ones passion is focused on another they dream of them constantly with love in their eyes exploring every angle of them… wanting to create a place within to lure them to their destiny to share of them the dream that is life itself… life becomes the passion of their hearts and they are uneasy with those that see the darker sides… for life has a beginning and it has a place where we step over into another life… some see that as sorrow… the passionate one sees it as destiny… When hearts speak they linger inside one another for the pleasure of the company along the way… Your heart speaks truly with all the passion a woman can muster… let it breathe life unto the soul that is troubled…

The eight inches that she missed was probably placed into another place for safe keeping while she hesitated in her dreams to in joy the wonders of such delights I am sure the pee pee kisser did also wonder what the children hear in the knight or catch a glimpse of while passing in the halls dark and wondrous with eyes searching for the sounds of delight rising up from the floor… I am often amazed but never surprised…

Reflected in the pool is an image we keep of ourselves from some time ago… It is the image we see when we look into the mirror of life… we see the one we are destined to be… a live as it was then and still is within us… the call having been made and connected to we prepare for the meeting with fate and our destiny along the roads we have chosen to take… A good person stays the course of the life times… keeping faith in what is before them… a dream to share… a wish to hold onto… a belief in the hand of fate and the path of Destiny…

I have knot written in a while… I feel lost in this place… the air… the smells… the presents within me… the sum of things that are missing is butt one… and it is by choice… a choice to take a different path… alone… I have felt it for some time… the depths of my own making… the void that opens in my own heart at times… the darker sides of me finding a way to convey the lust or the anger… or the fear that chills me to the very core of my existence… You have a need to turn away and I have knot the love to keep you… even knowing what we know in our hearts friends we remain… I feel the loss deeply in my soul… in the very core of my being it ouches and there is nothing I can do to stop it… it will always be there… I am knot saddened by this… as crazy as that sounds… I know what it means… I know why it is there inside me… I know the place I must take and when I do I know the ouch will always remind me of the love we share… effortlessly… I feel the loss that is and I miss the scent… the present of hue… the sum of all things missing is you… my dearest and closest friend… in the time it takes me to write it I also know in my heart and my soul that it is not possible… for you… I have the disadvantage of time on my side…

There are many words I wished to send butt none could express what is in my heart… I send music… a set of words that spoke of air… of breathing of your presence… You listened to them… I feel the cold today… the absence of hue… Funny how I always know that… one minute you are with me and then the next gone…

It is impossible to express what is in one’s heart with silence… or with music… or with words… or with presence… but it is all we have… and when it is given there is nothing left to give… to satisfy… the craving that exists…

Exceptions exist in all things… rules cover only a percentage of what is or what is not… There will always be times when we are or feel left out of the equation that others are locked into… These times ouch if we are searching for acceptance within that sphere… Our lives become a journey… they begin to take on the qualities that define us… each day a little more of a sparkle appears… eventually we have defined ourselves so that others may see or make a judge mint of who they believe us to be… Most never make it past the outer shell of us… there eyes fall upon the picture we present of the character within the book of our days… they scan and judge and move on… we hide ourselves well for we are sensitive souls… it takes courage to enter into the dance with us… to step forward and turn the cover and begin to read what is behind… those that grasp that take us into their arms… we touch their souls with who we are… Some stay a while having been touched… others move as it is necessary… a few rest with us… for all time… touching and retouching the tapestry we create… allowing us to partake of their colors as we gently add to theirs… The hand of destiny is in this… of paths crossing and re-crossing… of bridges… rivers and streams colliding… of ocean waters churning… a rising whirlpool… There is passion in what we do… for the flower that we are refuses to wither… it stays strong in the face of all that befalls us… hue are the dream the catcher wishes to hold onto…

Morning slows the mind to awareness brings stuffed with thoughts awakened in the slumber of wild dreams and thoughts that one charges into while sleeping the act or acts are natural… the movements smooth the pleasure unending… the sigh deep and liquid as if a cool drink of water walk over one in just the way water falls in a slow unending drop… One step at a time washed in the warm waters of time… speechless in the awareness of another’s hand on your heart another’s body resting within yours for a time without a word they appear and slip inside the confines reserved for special some ones… they have the key… the magical key that allows them to enter to sit in awareness with you as part of your soul, your mind your physical being speaks to them and them to hue wrapped in an embrace that melts you completely… when you awake you are warm with the after thoughts… sweating with the activity your mind has taken you on or was it real…? It was you imagined it…? In the still nest of morning you know reality for it fills your lungs with every breath you take… you can smell the sweetness as you close your eyes and catch a glimpse… as mile caresses your lips as you ease back in…

One talks to walls as a gift… being able to talk past the façade to the inner core of things… it is like knot being heard or ignore and left to ones own devices we shall find a way to destroy the boundaries of illusion that shield us from the entity that is or has been… Some find it in the most unusual of ways… talking to the walls or shouting to the far reaches of the earth when all they need do is laugh at themselves… and listen for there is humor in all we do…

Another day breaks in the midst of other days clouded in a shroud of indifference and chilled by the cold… that such a time brings… It is a time when ends are close at hand… when reflections are in the mirror of time… when a new place to begin is just there around the corner of time… a few days away… a reach it is to touch… but we can touch it… feel it in our bones the chill grasping us to our very core… we rest within the warmth of our own making… the pleasure of our own company… of those we love and those that love us deeply as the magic is we feel the cold inside us… chilled and warmth existing in the night… in the day lit by the explosions of magic we stand and watch over… having been in such places before we refuse to walk… without the light of guidance… and she appears… bright glowing at the place you exit… the time is what it is and what we can make from what time has provided for us… The light shines in the distance and we know we must go… but we stand for one last moment to see over the field and pick the best of way to reach the bridge that rises from the mist…

There are days when my thoughts ramble a bit each turning over onto the next or one upon another one until they flow much as a river to a fall faster and faster carrying the idea over the side of things to feel the fresh air fill ones lungs as they are pulled over into the raging torrent of water… air and flight cascading down with the force of nature to wash over hue… This river runs through us… it is the river of dreams… a lake of memories… spilling out as it is spilled into… A ripple her sends shock waves of recollections in all directions at once circling out from the center until they fade peace fully at some point in time… the dreams rage in at one end and spill slowly out at the other and in between the lake holds onto them within her depths she stores them all… the dreams of childhood… of teenage times of life with children of our own and our dreams for them… of this time… of a closeness with a friend or lover… our wishes rippling across the surface splashing play fully in the water… being picked up by the birds as they fly in grasping them and taking them to the four winds of change… A reflection rises and falls away on the waves… we peer over the side to see the person we are reflected in the pool… surrounded by the memories that slip before our eyes… we place our hand in and it disappears below the surface unseen by our eyes… bit by bit we allow ourselves the luxury of the warmth of these waters… until we can jump in and splash about for a time… letting go the reality of solid ground for the uncertainty of our dreams and wishes…

Many difficulties or what seem to be difficulties are opportunities for us… They are places along the path we have chosen to alter the course or to continue… They are cross roads… decision points… logical places where we need to make choices… Our lives are a series of choices we make… Each day is painted by the colors we choose… Time places a canvas before us each day… unfolding it from behind the previous day… We color that with our words… our actions… our thoughts… our use of the talents and gifts of our being… Even if we sit still all day the colors of our minds fill in the picture… and when done the canvas finds its place in the mosaic or tapestry of our life times…

The search for a place to be employed is some times one of those difficulties that turns into an adventure… Each of us has needs that can be filled by “working”… We are challenged to find the best place for our talents and while we have an idea in our minds what we would desire these positions are not always the ones we find available to us… We have to take small steps to reach the place we know in our hearts suits us perfectly… Be aware of the journey you are on… it can enlighten hue in your search knot only for the employment you seek but also for the person you are and the direction you are choosing to take…

In the long run over the course of time… the financial compensation is less important then the joy you receive doing the tasks… A great many people survive in their choice of work… I believe you will find joy and never really work… The difference being what you decide to do will be a pleasure to do and there fore will knot really be work at all… when you find this type of “job” it will fit you perfectly…

Time sits with me… He is a task master… an individual who keeps pace with what is before… what was and what is now happening… Time puts all things into perspective… a very logical person is Time… Time represents the places we have been and the experiences we have had while there… Time is the lessons we have learned along the way… At some point time began for us and at some point it will end and in between we will accumulate memories of times when we did things worth remembering… Good and or bad… Our lives are intertwined with Time… He is our both friend and foe for he does not slow nor does he speed up by in our minds… in our use of time to reach the heights to witch we desire…

Time and I sat down early this morning… we sat down to read… to write… to use the quiet time in the house before the others awaken… I am a person who loves the edges of time… the early morning… the late at night… the chaos in between pushes and pulls me from one side to the other… I look for the seamless entries and exits… the places where I can be without much confusion… Alone in the crowd to sit with time and wait… It is part of my destiny to wait… to be patient with my gift… to see in others the glow that flickers to life… to in courage them to “see” what is within and about them… Time is by my side… an element of creation for time represents the transfer of information or knowledge from one to another… Each day we gain a small seed to plant in the garden of our minds… we cultivate it and soon it blossoms into the use filled knowledge we use… Time and I sit over the day that has past and wonder about the day that is before us… He has his path and I have mine but we are always with one another… similar paths heading in the same direction… Seamlessly connected even when I wish to stop I am knot allowed off… for time is a merciless task master and never stops moving even for a second… We can slow him down… and even define smaller degrees of separation of units of time… so that we can see the wings of a humming bird… of the fluttering of an insects wings… but time never stands still… He pushes and pulls us forward with him… A parent with a purpose… lessons to teach us and aware that we only have sow many seeds to sew…

I in joy the company of Time… we have sat together and opened the book of my life times and spent many a night lost in there… Wandering the lost connections of the past with the present that today is… The journeys in my imagination have open my mind to possibilities I never knew existed… Often returning with a new sense of the path that I am on…

Asking why seeks to focus ones attention on the reason for what is happening… often it is a question of blame… a question that seeks to put a pin on a point where a deviation occurred… people in many ways are like computer programs… we do routines that help us to function… to cover the basics of daily life… Over time we develop routines to deal with situations… even to the way we deal with each other… we simply love what is the same… what we can predict… and many times we keep running a program or routine even when we are knot getting the results we should without changing the routine expecting that the program will eventually give us what we desire… I like that because in reality that is a definition of insanity… doing the same thing over and over again in the same way and expecting different results… it is so ill logical…

We ask why when we should be asking what… or when or where or with whom… we ask why when at the beginning when we should wait to ask why when we know the other details that make the why worth asking… We are creatures of routines… and we use them over and over when we find a good one we some times take it out of context and use it in other places… we use our work routine at home in our personal life… or we take our personal one for our children and use it with our significant other… some times it is appropriate and it allows us to reach the place we wish and some times these routines are just inappropriate… We all use these routines as ways of doing things… but as programmers of our own minds we need to be aware that being sure is a certain sign that we are forgetting some thing… that our programs need the element of being sure enough to be unsure and flexible enough to change as we move from step to step… so that when ever we are sure an alarm goes off inside our minds to look for the things we are not noticing now so that we take into account that we are in a place of certainty and that we are no longer learning we are reacting… and while that can be good for it is familiar it can lead us to make Miss Takes because the routine blinds us to the information that is there before our eyes…

How many times have we been sure we did some thing… like put our keys down on a certain table… and when we went to look for them they were not there… and we were so sure we did it only to find them maybe in a pocket of a coat or on another table close by a bit later…? We found them only when we opened our mind to the possibility that they could be some place else… We learned that we are capable of doing some thing outside the routine… We struggled with it and then we gain new knowledge… There is reason behind the pushes and pulls of time to take us out of our routines… The porpoise of using “crazy” words with multiple meanings pushes and pulls at your imagination… it gives the mind some place to find humor in… a place to hold as a tangible image of what is happening… A purpose is intangible nut a porpoise one can grasp hold of… and swim with… Time is intangible but Time as a person we can talk to… There is a method to what seems like play… for we learn more when we play… hard work is for those who have forgotten the joy of learning by allowing the mind to play…

In our life times we learned more in the first five years of our lives and all we ever did was play… If you think about it we learned a language… some of us two or three… in that time… we learned to interact with people… to play games to get along… we learned what hot was… and cold… we learned to take care of ourselves… to bathe to use the bathroom… all kinds of wonder filled things… we learned traditions and customs of our country… our religion… of our parents… from that point on we have knot learned as much as we did in that short period of time but we are always learning as long as our minds are open to what is before us…

My writing style is a representation of how my mind plays with ideas… I never use the word work in the sense that it is work at all… work to me is some thing people do when they wish they were doing some thing else and are just to lazy to do it… I work some times because it is easier to just do it and get back to what I in joy wish to be doing… They are short transgressions… I play most of the time… I play at managing the company I work for… I play at being a father… I play at being a husband and what ever else I do… Some times my play results in interesting times and some times it yields less then wondrous results but for me it is a way of living that has changed my perspective on life… I donut believe it is for every one… the concept of play does knot fit into every souls pattern… some are two structured and inflexible to use that method… but there are other ways to find the ability to change with ease and learn with comfort… My style is to allow the creative me to express what is there in what I write and while doing so allow my mind the opportunity to get me from where I am to where I need to be…

There is always the possibility that some one else has developed a routine or program that is perfectly suited for me in some situations and I am willing to experiment with theirs… As an engineer and science minded person I get into picking apart a pattern and following its many pathways… and to imagine uses where I can use that in my life to solve a particular situation… There are many programs out there being used endlessly by others and they are success filled and happy… I am knot foolish enough to believe that mine are the best they are simply the ones that have been use full for me and while I actively search for new ways to deal with situations that are less then wonder filled I also experiment with those that are different then the ones I use successfully… I figure we can never have enough pleasure… it I one of the mores we need more of… like desire, passion and love… can we ever really have enough of them…? and if others have found a way to open their lives to these then I want to know how they do so that I can also use the secrets within the routines to enrich my life times…

I enjoy the company of time… he allows me the pleasure of his company as we wander the path I have chosen for myself… He has opened my mind to the pleasure of creativity… the wonder of quiet time alone to create and be on the path that delights me… It is a spiritual journey I take on when I write… or when I am alone with my books… deep in reflection… lost in the silence of time sitting with me… wrapped in each others company one teaching the other… and filling in the colors of today’s adventures to add to the tapestry of one life… and in its way to the picture of the universe today… small as it may appear we have a porpoise in the universe… our existence matters… we may be unable to grasp it just yet… but it is there…

The day begins… One Celebration to another… a looking forward to time being able to create a memory that stays with us… Loving what is the same we remember the days that stand out in time… Lost in routines the days fade from our sight lost in the chaos that life times become… When we think back on the yesterdays of our life how many do we really remember…? There are moments of pleasure and moments of pain and moments when the earth stood still… how many thought in the course of our life time…? A years worth… of days we can recall? I am unsure enough of what time does within me of the pictures that are snapped and recorded that I take my time within each day now… I am old enough to know that next year while probably is not a definite… time changes us and at some point we need to cross over with time… to the alternative time that exists… As our life began we only get closer to that reality and for some it is the reason for their close nest to the Godde of their choice… for others the spirit was always a force within them… they always knew that it was there as close as an image… or a sense of being… The day begins… and while I remember the days past there is today to live and tomorrow to plan for in the present of this day…

I am knot picking on hue… or picking over you… or picking at you… or picking your brain… I am connecting the dots… that exist… or making the connection that is… there… Fire is both a blessing and a curse… when used properly it heats our homes… cooks our food and helps us to clean our clothes and cleanse our bodies and our minds… When Miss Used it can destroy… Much of the same is true of people… When people connect for the right reason there is nothing but wonder… that lifts a life high and gives it meaning… when knot it creates a void filled with hurt… The amount of time it takes to heal deepens on the time it takes you to deal with the cause of the pain… the who… the what… the where… the when and finally the why… I have left you with enough to think about… more maybe then you wish to… I am sorry for that… but it is what is there for you…

You appeared and then disappeared into the morning air… Time has not allowed me a vast expanse of opportunities of late to grasp hold of any one idea… I have sorted a few and left my hand on another one… the high is but the lowest point I allow my self to get to… Refuse to go there in time… By the draw of circumstances it may be or knot be but never will it be by the hand of my own that I am drawn to going there… I will walk the miles and sit in the gardens of time with you… I will measure my words and send them in endless reminders of your courage, your beauty and you passion… I will grasp hold of you… and look into your eyes to see the image of your soul catching it as it is and holding it in mine until you feel the magic stir within you once more… I will knot give in… I will knot give up… I will poke and prod and kick and scream… like the child I some times ought knot to be but are… in your eyes that sparkle there is a delight that sparks mine… in your eyes there is wisdom and courage and strength… in your heart there is compassion, hope and an unending love… In your soul there is a spirit that washes those around you with its light… You glow when you wish to… you glisten when you smile and you pulse with passion when it is time… You appeared in my mind… asleep as I was… and while the day dawned I was aware of it… aware of the things that still are and were… but still I see beyond the chaos of this time to a more loving future… I am the dreamer who dreams when others refuse to… I am the person who can afford the luxury when others insist only on what is necessary… Without a dream we are just going through the routine of life… we all need the desire to burn hot to the touch… the passion to fuel it so it never goes out… and the love of life to focus it… Endless is the love that is shared and the devotion one can have… Ill logical as it is some times we still cling to its joy… for knot to hurt means we have walled ourselves inside… We have spent so much time knot caring that to care hurts to the depth of our souls and we wonder why we ever wished to care like this again… and we insist we donut care but in truth we do to the very core of our being… so much so that it ouches even to speak of it… We are good at what we do… messengers some times… conduits at others… door persons at other times… opening ways for others to see, hear or feel once more the power of the magic of love… It is some times a lonely path we walk… but we are never alone for there is always some one in need of us… in need of the ill logical magic that can transform a life instantly… You appeared when it was time and your time and my time with time has ebbed and flowed… and you have over stood the message and knot… but you trusted in what was spoken to you in your heart… The right thing stands before you ready to touch your very soul… you have the courage to stand and move forward with Hope in your heart… We are the dreams we have the courage to dream… we are the people we dare wish to be… we are the spirits that we have the power to let go of… You are love and peace… you are compassion and joy… your are kindness… you are desire… lust and passion…

Being sure of some thing eliminates alternatives… It is knot for me a question of perfection as much as a search for what plays out the best in any given situation… Certainty to me eliminates alternative points of view… as if we already have the answer… there fore we know longer need to keep searching… if we keep looking for ways to improve… we are open to alternatives… we are open to possibilities… we are open to dreams… to the use of our imagination… I agree that we can never be truly sure of anything… what we can be is confident in ourselves and our abilities…

Routines are wonder filled ways to do things… they help us to take care of every day tasks… efficiently and easily… It is when a routine is not aiding us we need to modify its program to get the best from the time we put into it… the most from the least… the path that gets us the best results without requiring the effort of moving a mountain… Now I believe in being dedicated to ones tasks and doing the very best that we can do… What I am against is driving oneself into the grave… The responsibilities of life do drive us to do our chosen life’s work with as much effort as we can put forth… what it should never be is the definition of who we are… I am a husband and father long before I am a manager… Yes I agree the art of living is seeing the wonder inside the routines of daily life… it is also for me dreaming of what life can be… and striving to achieve that in the future…

Play is a matter of perspective… as is work… if we look at things as being fun then it is no longer work it is play… or at least it has a side to it that makes it easier to do… People tend to act serious when they do their jobs instead of seriously acting… so they spend a lot of time doing things for the show of doing things… when they could be doing what they need to do… When we seriously act… we get things done… Are you wrong… no… a lot of people believe that they have to work and when working they cannot in joy what they do… I believe that I do a better job because I in joy the job I do and the people I do it with… While at times it is frustrating and it can be difficult at times I enjoy the opportunity… and the possibilities that exist there…

Trying is an interesting word… it is ambiguous… trying can mean an effort is put forth and it also means to test some ones patience… when we try to do some thing I always see that as a situation where people are willing to accept failure… so that they can say well I gave it a try… or at least I tried… I use the word experiment more… I like to experiment with ways of doing things… with ideas… with routines or programs… I test them by changing input… by applying them in different situations… in that way I am getting results I can use in a number of situations… Not every routine is good for every occasion with every person… in that way they are imperfect and it is the imperfection that is interesting… the experiment of word usage changes the way we view some thing… If you take the last paragraph you wrote and make a one word change it reads different…

Yes, many people write their programs and live according to it. And many of them are happy, I am sure. That is not my way. As a programmer I know that every program has its errors. The perfect program does not exist. Nevertheless I experiment with this program in the direct and the indirect sense. I will never get it. But the experiment itself has a sense to me.

When written that way my mind… opens to search for variables… input changes that will alter the output… a lot of questions of what ifs appear in my mind…

Pane to me is an indication that we need to do some thing… pane is not a healing process for me… When people close to me have passed away… I felt deeply the loss the ouch of them being torn away until I realized that they were still with me… I will miss the physical person they were but I will always have the spirit of the person they still are to me… Since that time I have never felt the tremendous feeling of loss that others do… I am a simple person in most regards and all I ever need is the part that makes me whole… when I connect to that the emotions spill and the world comes into balance…

I am knot so sure we can over stand the logic of Fate… She seems to me to do things in a most illogical way… I have learned to trust her wisdom… for she is a powerful force in the world…

Logic will get you only so far in the world… for people are most illogical… especially when it comes to emotions… When we ask why questions we are searching for reasons for logic in what people do… And some times there is no logic… in what we do or like or say… or the people in our lives… Asking why some times just keeps us in the circle of questions that create more questions…

In a spiritual sense the place you are is the path you are on… Your way is where you are and while that seems to be wrapped in a fog now keep going keep spending time there for eventually the clouds will life and you will catch a glimpse of where you are and where you are going… Be true to your heart… and to your soul… and the rest takes care of itself… trust in hue…

Yes it is possible to find the place where you are at peace with the world around you… It takes time and a bit of practice to allow yourself the adventure to reach it… but it exists within…

You do deserve the words I write… they are part of accepting the gift of another into your life…

My style of writing is one where I pay little attention to punctuation and I use a lot of ambiguity… sew that in a way I encourage the mind of the reader to explore where ever their mind takes them… The use of the word knot is appropriate at times because it speaks of some thing we can undue… a knot,,, can be untied and the two pieces freed to be used in another way…

A long time ago in a place knot so far away… it begins as what appears to be a story… from a certain perspective our lives are that… stories… that unfold one day at a time… Each day a new canvas unfolds for us to fill… It has been my experience that there are certain synchronicities that happen… we meet people… we lose them… we are touched by a song… a certain set of words inspires us… for what ever reason these occurrences flow one into the other… You may say it is luck pure and simple… In my experience I believe it to be more then that… You made a wish and out of the entire universe I step… for I two also made a wish… and out of the universe you stepped… Now our wishes are knot the same wish… yet here we are… facing one another… talking back and forth across continents… I feel the some thing more to it…

Your letter allowed me to over stand my presence… You are a person searching… and the path you are on at this time is the one I just happen to be on… I feel the hand of Fate taking your hand and placing it into mine… I sense my guardians guiding the two of us along the same way… I have given up wondering why… I know in time I will be enlightened… until then I have learned to in joy the time I have… Things happen for a reason… I am very philosophical about life in that regard… I also believe that each of us has the talents to deal with what life presents to us… It is through the challenges we are faced with that these gifts are made apparent to us…

I believe in the three elements of hue… the physical you… the emotional you are very tangible… it is the spiritual hue that eludes us at times… It is quite easy to see ourselves… to feel our emotions and to relate them… It is the spiritual part that escapes us at times… It begins with the physical you… how well you care for you… what you eat… how you sleep… it comes down to how well you care for the physical you… diet… sleep… exercise… The emotional hue takes into account what you do for a living… and what you do for the pleasure of you… who you surround yourself with… how well you take care of the creative hue… how well you feed your passions… Then there is the spiritual hue… and I want to make this really clear… while for some people this means religion… It is knot what spirituality is… The spiritual hue is what gives you life… it is what gives your life a porpoise… a tangible some thing to hold onto… Some people will find it in religion… some in there “art”… others in service to others… Every one finds it within them… and this is where our spiritual journey begins… and ends… within us… That is the reason for my use of Godde is within… and I spell it so that in takes into account all concepts of Godde… feminine or masculine… that you or anyone can find the path you seek by opening your mind to the powers that exist in the world… and following the way that best suits you… Be that the path of the realist or the dreamer or the scientist or the musician… You are Godde… Godde is hue… within the spirit of hue is Godde and while Godde dwells within your spirit you live… and do what is in your heart… I know some times life seems really unfair or biased… I have found it is because we have failed to read the signs that have always been there… Some times we need the jolt to move on to some thing better… Like your job change… how long have you felt the need to change…?

The other element that I express quite often is of the sharing of our gift… witch as I have stated before is the gift of hue… hue being the gift that is shared… Intellectually we grasp the concept but this becomes a more spiritual thing in time… knot only are we sharing of our minds we are sharing of our hearts and our souls… You feel it around you… when you read my letters… it is like it lifts off the page and since I am making you aware of it… you sense it even more… That may be what made you afraid… or hesitate might be a better term… because you felt my magic lift off the page and swirl around you… Now that you are aware of it… it mystifies you for it feels different… comfortable… soft… pleasant to touch…

We have a cultural difference that makes Miss Communication possible… It is easy to be Miss Understood… this magic of mine is the same magic that each person has within them… I am knot special in that sense… I donut have some magical power… I am just adept at making others realize theirs… I feel like I have known you for years… that is common for me… As a matter of fact I use that feeling as a gauge of whether or knot I should correspond with some one… Some times that connection scares people away… I have a tendency to write to people and write things that have meaning for them… How that is I donut know… I scare myself some times… This difference makes us capable of stepping outside ourselves… and seeing things from another perspective… it strips away the pretenses that we have… the prejudices… of education… parents… life… and reveals in time the person behind…

When you look forward to next year you may see the chaos of change or the turbulent seas of a storm brewing in the distance… I see a new opportunity rising with the sun… I see a chance to step forward and grasp hold of this new possibility… for you… for this will be a change that allows you to grow in ways you never imagined… it may be a stepping stone to begin a new career… or just another place along the line of places you will visit… It is an adventure… one that will change you… one that will give you challenges and show you a little bit of the wonder that you are…

You are never alone unless you make the conscious choice of loneliness… You will always have about you the magic to alter that state simply by asking for the comfort of another’s magic… You donut believe me but it exists… I have friends who I am passionate about all over the world and I miss them desperately at times… and while I have a full home filled with love there are times when I just feel the need for these people stronger then life itself upon me… I wrap them about me and I find comfort in their present… the present of their spirit within me… for every time we spoke… wrote… talked… held one another we gave a little of ourselves… I draw on that pleasure to fill the void that exists in the absence of the physical person… I am never alone they are with me always… and I with them…

In a more practical sense… fill your time with others… I know the pane of shyness… of being off in the shadows… and since you do seek out those in the shadows because you know the pain of shyness and we should never let some one sit in that if we can prevent it… and we can… so seeks out those along the edges and invite them in to share of their shy nest with you…

Stop trying to understand all these wonders… begin to over stand them… it is much more difficult to stand under and look up and find clues to the puzzles of life then to stand over and sea the entire picture… Over stand your place in the mosaic of life… you have a song to sing… a dance to dance and words to write… You have love to give and love to receive… you have smiles to exchange and hands to touch… you have lessons to teach and along the way lessons to learn about hue… As we walk together… you may find yourself on paths less traveled fear knot these off ways for they give you time to stop and sit by the side of the rode… to take in the smells that trip the imagination… The spirit needs to be recharged and finding the time to sit helps it along… I have found that there is nothing like sitting on a rock in the middle of a stream to cleanse ones soul… The ocean also does a wondrous job of opening our eyes to the wonders of nature… and our place in the frame work of living… Allow your mind to ask and the answers to slip in without question accepting what you hear… nature tells us things if we allow ourselves the opportunity to listen…

Hope is the eternal flame that never goes out…

My suggestions would be to stop talking and to start believing… Many times we tend to talk and listen as if the words are coming from an external source… Stop talking to the external… begin now believing in the present of hue having the answers… If you must ask… ask within you for Godde is there… as close to you as She can be… for it is Her life that is calling to you… Be aware that the image of Godde is unimportant it is the spirit that rests within you that is…

I cannot write to you… I cannot tell you what is in my heart… More often I get a sense that my words cause you more harm then good… that my mere presence cause you hurt… I am taken back… I wish to rush over to you and wrap you in my arms… to protect you from the world to console you… to give you comfort… I am unable to let go… to separate from you… to let you grow away from me… Some thing in my soul tells me to never let go even when you push me away and ignore me… when you use the sword of silence on me day upon day… I keep hearing patience my son… I cannot write of my ouch to you or to any one… I can only put on the happy face and dance the happy dance and hide within the ouch that fills me… I am unable to comfort you or to give you any solace… I am unable to hold you or support you from this place… I can only love you with all my heart and live each day with a thought of you… I am sorry for the hurt my existence brings you… for the loneliness that dwells within my heart… for the void in my life that you fill… I am sorry that my being ouches in your memory… I wished to be a cherished memory and I have become one of a sentimental ouch…

You can make all kinds of excuses for not coming home for Christmas… None of them have any validity… You are choosing to be alone… to sit in solitude or to expose yourself to the dark forces that exist about and within you… I will do what I can to protect you… your reasons for knot visiting are based on fear on the fear of coming home… of knot wanting to leave once you arrive here… of having to share the home with the other members of the family… These are selfish reasons… I am upset with you… upset that you have not done what is in your heart… that you have once more decided to be alone… instead of being surrounded by family that loves you… Your jealousy allows the dark forces to enter your mind and corrupt your thoughts as it has done to mine at times… Staying away does not make it any easier to depart… only more so when we do the next time…

The home breathes fresh with smells to remind one of past times… The smell of baking… the sounds of Christmas… the play filled times ringing in ones memory…

It does take some courage… but then again that is a choice of a particular path… One can easily take another path and achieve the same results… Deciding on the proper path takes a bit more time then we some times give it… Usually we have more then one or two possibilities… yet we seem to grasp the first one that appears as possible…

Life has a way of turning an opportunity over… providing us with a chance to catch the wave we once passed on… the one that got away from us… Sentimental solitude washes over me… I am in a state of missing some one… and there is nothing I can do… At some point in time there is no amount of words or actions that can change destiny… I over stand the ways of fate… the ways of life’s paths… I have had the opportunity to hold a dream… it was more then I could have imagined and more then I deserved… That dream became a reality a real some one who I cherish with all my heart and soul… but they cannot love me the way I love them nor I the way they love me… Life has a way of humbling me… of turning me inside out… of reminding me of the joy there is living each day and then at the same time reminding me of the one who is far away… I would gladly give of what I have to dry her tears… to hold her once more… but it is not my destiny to do so… My heart will always ache for the one who makes me whole… for in her absence there is a void I can never fill… that I can never light… that I can never bridge… and I must allow her to spread her wings and fly in the direction that she wishes… and speak when she desires and hide my ouch as deep as I can within me… I never wish her to see the ouch that is me… the ache that I feel… They say in time all hurts are healed… well there are some that are never soothed… some ouches that are forever open… In my life time I have been graced with love that is unending… I wish that I was worthy of such emotions… Life has a way of speaking to me in rhyme when I wish for reason and there is know reason for the way I feel… it is however the way I feel… I miss her… a little more each and every day…

Follow your heart… it will lead you to do what is best for you to do… Many times we start out with a particular idea in mind of what a job is only later to find out it is totally different then what we expected. Take the time to “find out” and explore all the possibilities. I am sure enough to know that in time the proper life’s work will come to you. Have patience and an open mind and you will find your “way”. Each day is a gift we get to share with some one…

I am sorry that you feel unsafe writing to me… You know I like to write and that I have a very positive outlook on life… That I share quite easily my thoughts… ideas… wishes and dreams… that I believe in the wonder of life… that I have a passion for writing… for correspondence with other people… That I love to create smiles and laughter… I will admit I am knot the easiest person… I am rather shy at times… and protective of my family…

Maybe it would help you to know a little more about me… I used to be a real well there is no other way to say it… ASS… I was the typical know it all jerk… who knew the best way to do things… and saw the world in a very negative sort of way… I was afraid of being left behind… afraid of other people… afraid of taking chances… you name it I was afraid of it… and I hide that fear behind a wall so thick and so formidable that it was difficult or near impossible to get behind it… My wife managed… and a few others… but for the most part I was alone… lost in a void of my own making… I had an ulcer… I was well a real class A prick…

So as I was lying there bleeding into my own stomach… reviewing the life I was knot having… I made a decision… and with the aid of some rather interesting friends my life changed… I opened my mind to the Synchronicity and stepped into life… I began to see what I was missing… and I didn’t wish to miss any more… I spent 35 years missing stuff and I was determined knot to any more…

Along the way I learned some wondrous things… and in a discussion it became apparent to me that I needed to do some thing… Along the way of finding out I realized that all I had to do was share my view of the world… It is my way of paying back those who helped me… I get to pass on what I have learned and at the same time continue to learn from who ever touches my life… I am knot the teacher as much as the pupil in life… I am experiencing life at full volume… You see I am knot that difficult to over stand…

I am sure you are a wonder because I can see what you are blind to… I can sense that you have a warm heart… and a loving soul… I am knot foolish enough to believe that I can change your life… true change only comes when the person themselves wishes to be different… I believe deeply in the hands of Fate… in opportunity knocking… in paths of destiny falling in such ways as to look like chance that is really more then that… it is the forces of nature bringing together those who can aid one another… How that is or why I am beyond questioning… In my life I have experienced enough coincidences to believe and accept what I feel inside me… I am sure you are a wonder because even though you cannot see yet I can… You can call me a loony or a nut or some flake that has fallen off a tree… but you know when you read what I write that it makes you feel good… that it gives you an alternative view… that you are drawn out of you for a time… I am knot a great writer… my style is difficult to over stand and believe me Irene more people turn away from what I write about then grasp hold of it… I was there once I know the void… I know how deep it can be… the despair that washes over one… What I also know is that it is only as real as we allow it to be…

I am knot sure we can be friends… that will develop over time… if we both are willing… I know I am but you have to feel comfortable with me and you donut feel that as yet… We all need others.. other people to enrich our lives with theirs… One can never have enough friends… There is a need in me to share… I am sorry you are missing that… I donut expect you to over stand the passion that drives me… and I expect nothing from you… when you tire of my view of the world simply say go away… I am knot about being a pain in some ones arse… well I can be butt those who get to that point are real close…

You should have figured out by now that I have a rather passionate view of life… That my sense of humor is rather wide and includes myself… That I see humor in all that goes on around me… Yes, I am really this happy… and I am happy most of the time… I see it as a choice… and when shit happens I deal with it and move on… I am far from perfect I am human and I feel deeply the hurts and losses that occur in life… I refuse to knot rejoice in each and every day… I am alive… I am healthy… The rest takes care of itself…

I am sorry you are unhappy… I hope that maybe though my words or the spirit you will see a different light… I was once told that happiness is an internal state of mind… At the time I thought the person who said it was a nut… I know now they were correct… I see the joy in the rain that falls upon the each… the warmth within the snow… that blankets the ground… the cool breeze on a hot summer’s day… I see the pleasure one can have by smiling in the face of adversity… of grasping the challenge and riding the wave of opportunity to its conclusions…

Being a realist is what you are now and that is wonderful… I am a realist when I deal with things I need to be a realist about… I am knot a realist when it comes to the future… when I can let my imagination run wild… There are times to be a realist and times to be a dreamer…

You are knot difficult just afraid… and fear is a tool of the dark side… as is anger… I deal in the light of things… while I use the shadows to accomplish my particular brand of wonder or magic… I am playing in the delight of things… I wish you only to in joy what I write… to find pleasure in the words… to look forward to hearing from me… If you are knot then I will stop… I am knot about making you feel uneasy or uncomfortable… I am about quite the opposite…

Words move people… we inspire people by our use of the language they over stand… by igniting the passion that resides within… it is time to make a joy filled sound of your very own… it is your time to be the dancer… you know you are…

Opportunities must be considered within there own light… When we wish for some thing to happen it usually does… If we have a sense of the synchronicities as they occur we can grasp hold of the one that is most beneficial to us… There are times when things fall into place perfectly… almost two perfectly… one need only go back and remember their wish to see them… in the light of what they now know is true… You need what is before you… it is in a place you know of… at a time when you can go… it requires you to step outside of you and ride a wave of positive change… There will always be reasons knot to… some times you need to do what you are called to do for you… It is your time… this is your opportunity…

Often words are written to let the mind wander… In some ways they are cries out to be heard… or to voice a thought… to put an idea in mind for another time or place… often the words are read and they touch… more often they fall upon deaf ears… In time even eye get the message…