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19 Jun 2003 - Bailey & Hunger & PDD
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Bailey seemed very hungry this morning. Sometimes, it's almost like a panic station to get her breakfast. Once it's out for her, she eats like a little pig with wings, then is fine and appears normal with her eating habits for the rest of the day. I'm trying to think back before this terrible disease came into my home whether Bailey always was like that in the morning. I've just never really had a reason to note it before. Her weight was 403 from 405 this morning. Not a big deal really, but when I look back at her records, for her to be between 399 and 420 is completely normal for her. She's fluctuated with varience for a very long time. I'm just worried about her, I guess because she had the Yeast infection in her crop not long after losing Austin, is too coincidental for my liking. She's never had an infection before, ever, so why now?. Her breast bone is alittle to protuding for my liking, not that I can visually see it, because to look at her, she looks normal. But to feel it, I don't like it. She has always been a petite female African grey and has never been overly muscular in her breast, nor in her frame in general. I'm keeping a close eye. This is the problem with this Disease. I can't tell if she has it or not. You can't tell if its infecting her and making awful changes within her body, and often you can't tell till a bird suddenly just becomes ill. PDD can slowly disrupt the digestive system and over time does its damage till one day BOOM, your bird is deathly ill. Until that day, your bird acts normal, plays, eats and eats and eats, but never gains and keeps losing weight. But in some cases the weight isn't even a 100% factor in suspecting this disease, simply because organs can be swollen or food can remain in the GI track for along time, giving false weight readings, as the case with Austin. I HATE THIS DISEASE!
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19 Jun 2003 - Not a Good Day Emotionally
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It's just not. I've cried many tears today as my past days of pretending all is normal without disease just doesn't seem to be working today. The realities of PDD are so right in front of my face, fresh in my mind, and felt in the center of my heart. I lost my baby Austin...as i keep whimpering under my breath. I just love these guys so much, that to look at them today is like the pain of sword piercing my inner organs. I just can't lose another. I just can't. Pray, Pray, Pray and Pray.It's just been a very painful day and Im feeling both the loss of Austin, and the thoughts of further losses. I truly miss those little hellos, the little kisses and snuggles Austin gave. He was so beautiful, soft and cuddly like a teady bear. He had a baby smell that was so sweet. I can't make those moments go away...the seem to be hauting me today, and that is holding Austin on our way to the vet, knowing I had to let him go. How do you give enough love in a 20 min drive?. Handing him over was the hardest thing I had to do, and the only thing that gives any kind of relief from that sorrow, is Knowing that I didn't let him suffer another moment. I miss you my little buddy bird.
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