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7 Jun 2003 - Like it was Before...For a moment.
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For the first time in a long time the morning with my beautiful feathered kids feels like it did long before my nightmare began. Just for a moment, I want to indulge in this feeling and enjoy it. Bailey seems herself, playing, and even enjoyed a shower flapping, singing and giving me kisses. THAT is my Bailey Girl. Jeffery enjoyed her shower, flapping , hanging upside down. The Twins, Emily and Owen are singing, and attacking toys and even enjoyed their shower too. Simon as usual is talking up a storm, and looking for mommy around the house. Zack is being my Zackman....displaying his silly behavour and recieting his hilarious sentences. Jojo and Callie are happily sitting on their eggs and feeding themselves. The bird room is noisy, but not that dreadful noise, it's that beautiful sound of my fids expressing happiness, joy, playfullness. Boy, how wonderful that makes me feel. Although that momentary joy is there this morning that reality of PDD always finds its way to rip through those joyful moments, if for nothing more then to remind me of my nightmare. You'll never understand (unless you've been through this) how these wonderful perfect mornings feel. How these moments mean so much more then they ever have in the past. You take nothing forgranted. Each moment is a memory, something to flash your eyes at and take a mental snapshot, something to absorb and record through your ears and imbed into your brain. I don't want to be sad today. I don't want to cry a tear today. I just want to pretend that all is as it once was while I still can.
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