Warning: If you don't want to feel depressed all day or can't stand emotional ramblings, Dont read.*Tears*. I need to ramble and vent...no else understands the love one can have for a bird like other bird owners. Talking to my friends, my family will only make it worse. Even tho hubby loves our birds, I think he's emotionally detatched himself since the loss of his Dawson. So bear with me. I just need to get his off my chest and whine right now.
Poor little guy, all this must be so stressful. Since his crop nearly emptied over night his weight is abit more accurate. He's gone from 285 to 251 grams. I noticed this morning he had a small lump of hard food at the bottom of his crop. He seems so hungry and it just kills me to know he may be starving. I hate it when my thoughts go to places I shouldn't allow it too, but it does and it's who I am. Too sensitive and emotional.
I brought him in for his scheduled Xray. leaving him was the most difficult moment of my life, as he had his little head resting on my shoulder, shaking. It just tore me apart and the risk of anesthesia on an already weakened bird scares me. I am afraid of what they'll find and I'm afraid of what they won't find. I am crossing my fingers and praying so hard that this is all something that we can fix, and he can recover as fast as possible. I pray to God this is not PDD. How on earth he could have gotton it if it is, is beyond my comprehension. Im trying hard not to think of that being the outcome, yet I feel if I don't try and prepare myself........?
If they find a blockage, or some other issue that cannot be dealt with there, it will mean a emergency rush this afternoon 2 hrs away to the OVC. I fear that trip if i have to make it......praying the whole way he makes it if we have complications.
I've never felt so angry at God before. My Chrisitan beliefs and ways have always helped me understand, but right now, I feel like God is punishing me for something that I feel is unjustified......as i know in my heart, I've been the best person I can be, I've been loving, extremely sensitive to all forms of life. I've saved Lives. A mix of very confusing, angry, sadness, bitterness, and frustration emotions. It's hard to seperate the way I really feel.
Owen and little Emily know something isn't right. They called for Austin off and on througout the night. I could hear them communicating. It was enough to break my heart knowing they wanted to be together, And I couldn't allow it. Alot of sleepless nights between our recent issue with Jeffery and since Austin started to not feel very well.
Another discovery, I mentioned to the Vet that I had noticed that when feeding Austin his left side of the crop would fill up first, instead of the right side. She didn't seem to show worry over that, but if it offers any kind of suspicion or problem, it was worth mentioning. I didn't worry about it before, because he was happy and healthy.
I love Austin with all my heart and praying like never before.
