"A man of honor always pays his debts and keeps his word." I’ve always been good at lying. Does this make me less of a man? Is it me backing down from confrontation? I feel weaker as a person now that I've thought about it.
So our demos done. Of course I like it, of course I think it’s phenomenal, but what I’ve been pondering a lot lately is whether or not other people will like it. Yes, it sounds good, especially for a local band. But does it have the potential to be accepted on a national, or even a selected scene level? This month-long illness has given me a taste of what’s to come if I continue down this road. Exhaustion, little sleep, poor living conditions, and driving across the US in a cold van. And this is the life I’ve chosen.
"There are only murderers in this room. Michael, open your eyes. This is the life we chose, the life we lead. And there is only one guarantee; none of us will see Heaven."
I’ve always told myself that I’m strong enough to handle it. But after an entire month of this horrible feeling, the mere thought of going to our basement rehearsal space is enough to make my stomach churn. Churn again, that is. Oh, by the way, I’ve got the horrible new strain of flu that apparently has been hitting the state of Oregon. I’ve been told I’ll need to stay out of commission for two weeks, and in bed for at least one. A whole week in bed? Possssssseur.
"Well, it looks like we've got a violinist!" The crowd of hundreds erupts with hearty laughter and good ole boy backslaps. Glasses are raised. The band giggles and raise their martini glasses. They then step up the the PA system and in unison yell out, "Just don't tell mom!" The crowd loves it; more laughter. They finish off their martinis and play the last song of their set.