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30 Mar 2008 - Early Morning Drowsiness
Just woken up a few minutes ago. My curiosity got the better of me and I went to Stickam to see if Rob was still live. He wasn't but I don't think he nor Greg are going to be doing shows this weekend. Rob has been attending his first Beatlefest so he's not been on and I know Greg has his own commitments and he's not doing his usual show tomorrow night - I know he doesn't fancy going to Beatlefest anyway, even though people have asked him to go. Donna's hubby Steve has gone live playing some rock music I noticed. Other than that, friends of mine are in chatrooms - ones I don't know. I'm not very strong am I. It is, perhaps, fortunate that, as I try and stay away from "him" completely starting this weekend, he's not around to bump into.
It's only half 7 in the morning and there are some very, very noisy sparrows outside, giving it the morning chat routine. Now our ivy on our back fence has been chopped down, there is nowhere for the blackbirds to nest this year, which is rather saddening. I've always looked forward to seeing them around as we go in and out of our back door, them being very close, not moving, staying still until we pass.
I have only limited music on my Mac iTunes so I'm having to listen to the same tracks over and over. I need to listen to some of my archived CDs and maybe rip some tracks into iTunes to give me some variety in the future.
I have some Beatlegs in FLAC files which need to be dealt with on this Mac. Something for me to do later today, perhaps. Also, there are some DVDs around here which haven't been seen yet. Dee bought me a Billy Connolly DVD for Christmas and I haven't seen it yet! If I find myself not sleepy and I know I am being drawn to "him" in his chatroom, perhaps I should take out and play that Billy Connolly DVD to distract myself away from going to Stickam and his chat. Good plan I think. I have been so obsessed with wanting to be around "him" at Stickam that I feel lost when he's not around at his usual times. It feels strange. He's a very busy man and has a life, unlike me. LOL.
Going to check my mail online now, then see what's on telly as I laze on my bed this early morning.
Later... Love, Sair xx
30 Mar 2008 - Out Of Sight Out Of Mind
This is, so obviously, not true for me. The person I have a "thing" for is on my mind 24/7, I get palpitations when I am "with" him, I want to know everything about him and I know very little.
Out of sight, out of mind seems to be his way though. If I stay away, he will not enquire about me. He knows I keep my diary here but will not come and read it. I desparately want him to come here and read all about me, know me, but he's not interested. I'm older, I'm not the right physique for him, I have been an irritating pedant with him, which has been annoying for him.
I go to pieces inside when I see him. I become "speechless" when he "talks" to me. To him, I'm just another person hanging around.
Kills me.
Can't help the way I feel. It's going to take so long for me to get over him. It's Sunday and even though I am trying to stay away from him online, it's depressing to know that I can't even go and just see him, because he has his engagements and won't be on Stickam today and probably even tomorrow too, as usual.
Kills me even more to know that he most probably is in this country at the moment and I am missing the opportunity to be with him. He isn't thinking of me the way I am thinking of him and it's killing me inside. I know. I'm pathetic. Sorry to keep going on about him but, like I say, he's on my mind 24/7. Never felt this strongly about any bloke before now...not even my ex-husband!
Out of sight and "Out Of Reach". {sigh} {sigh} and even more {sigh}
I've GOT to get over this guy.... he's not attracted to me and he couldn't care less.
I may be unattractive and older but I AM human with feelings....
Sending love... Sair x
30 Mar 2008 - At Seventeen
30 Mar 2008 - Living On My Own
Freddie did so many better songs than this one but, you must admit that this, for a dance song, is VERY catchy. :)
30 Mar 2008 - Love Of My Life
This one, in my opinion, is arguably one of the best melodies ever written.
30 Mar 2008 - Monsters Inc "Bloopers"
Yes, I've got nothing more useful to do with my time right now than to search text on YouTube... I love the film Monsters Inc. and can watch it many times. These are obviously contrived but are still fun. :)
30 Mar 2008 - Fred Astaire
My Mum loved watching Fred Astaire and my Dad loved musicals from the same era too. I remember this as being one of her favourite scenes. I enjoy watching Fred too and can only marvel at his perfection. He would practice for hours off camera to get everything right for a take. And it shows. How many people nowadays do you know that can produce dancing of such quality in a scene this long with only SIX changes of take!! The man was so special.
30 Mar 2008 - Gene Kelly
Another favourite of my parents.... Gene Kelly. Hermes Pan worked with Fred on a lot of his dancing but Gene Kelly did his own choreography and, in our opinion, was just more....sexy! Everyone loves to go on about Singin' In The Rain (one of my favourite movies) but this particular scene - From An American In Paris - is a movie masterpiece. :)
30 Mar 2008 - I'm An Addict
I am worse than a gambling addict or alcoholic. I went back onto my index page and found Hank on laptop on Stickam from the 2nd floor at Beatlefest sing-along. Jim, Hank, Gary, Bootleg Steve were all playing great together. I couldn't believe just how good they were. I sang alone with gusto. It was like having karaoke with a superb band who played just like the Beatles. The people playing such good music were the ones I have been chatting with in cam chat and getting to know. "He" came into chat. Not only did I go into a chat where I knew he might show up at but I followed him into another chat too. How sad is that? I let it slip... "I wasn't going to come back into cam chats .... and here I am..." Lou asked "Y Sair?" I tried to answer but nothing came. I just closed the window. Ran away. Again.
I am just so stupid. I was going to stay way and couldn't. I have to stay away now. I am just embarrassing myself to the point where if they read this, they'll all just make fun of me....
I got to get back to being on my own and forget about "him" and the chats - I got to stay away. For good. I have to cure my addiction and just forget about him and everone there.
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