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28 Mar 2008 - Screw Loose
OK I've officially got a screw loose! {g} I went on my Index page, found Jim on there, testing from the Crown Plaza hotel where they are staying for Beatlefest this weekend. The laptop pix came through very clearly and we got a tour of the hotel room and corridors before Hank pulled the plug on the feed. I went in quickly initially because Jim found the thermostat on the wall was in celcius and not in farenheit - so I went in the room just to help out and advise he set the heat to 15 for comfort. I ended up stayin there longer than I wanted to - a few minutes more.
My curiousity got the better of me and I thought I would pop into Rob's chat for just a few minutes, just to say hi and see D, who was doing her hair roots. I thought I was about three hours early for 'him' to arrive in the chat so I thought I was safe and well away from him. He only came into the chat when I was there didn't he?! Oh heck! My natural reaction was to just go with the flow and say hi to him. Not much else I could do. I was relieved when he reacted favourably to something I said. I've had the impression lately that he's really fed up with me and I don't intend to set foot or hand or cam in his room from now on. It's just too much of a torture for me. D said that he got tickets to the Rutles for tonight so that's where he disappeared to without a word of goodbye to anyone it would seem. I am so jealous. I'd love to see the Rutles live. Neil Innes and Eric Idle. A treat. I'm sure they will have fun.
I'd sent a sort of a farewell email to 'him' yesterday and so my being in Rob's chat made me look stupid. I only intended to pop in for literally 5 minutes. The same 5 minutes that *he* decided to pop in as well. How's that for coincidence. All I can think of is that he was nice to me. I've felt really down since our last conversation so that has cheered me up a bit.
OK my dear friends. I've left Rob's cam chat/show. I did it! Now I have to stay away from Jim's chat/show over the weekend and, most importantly, drag myself away from Greg's on Sunday. I have to stop going in there. D said it's an addiction. It is, but for me, the feelings are just too bloody strong and I have to turn the other way and just accept the fact that things are just never going to get anywhere. I'm not eloquent. I don't have their social skills. I dread falling out with people by saying the wrong thing and then I say something totally inane and cause my worst nightmare by embarrassing myself! Greg won't even notice that I'm not there. Out of sight out of mind with him I think. He has so much to think about. All the music, jingles, phone calls, requests in the chat room, keeping everyone happy with the music, making silly jokes (much of which involves people's names I just don't know). I won't be missed. I, however, will be thinking of him the entire time. But I shall NOT give in and go in the room.
Strange that Greg came in Rob's chat so early like that - it's not like him at all to do that so early - and so fleeting. I'm so pleased he did so I could get some good vibes from him for a change. Sad he had to leave and that my farewell statement in the email made me look like *I'm* nuts! LOL.
I was strong - look at me - only half past 1 and I came out of Rob's cam chatroom. I'm going to get ready for bed and sleep through until about 7, then get ready for work. Sleep *before* work? Unheard of!
Oh how I wish things were simpler in life. Why does caring for someone so much have to be such a bloody nuisance. All my fretting is helping me lose weight but I am losing my mind thinking about him all the time. {sigh}.
No Rob chat....no Jim chat.....no Greg chat....I have to be strong and turn away from it all now. It's the best way. I made friends in the end you know. I've felt really rather close to the people I've come to know over the past 3 months. I feel at ease saying anything to a lot of them.
I am thankful that I shared all that time with them. This is going to be one of the hardest things I've ever done in my entire life but I have to turn my back on them all now. Can't go on like this, torturing myself all the time with the person I care about. Plus it's always a good idea to get some sleep before work instead of risking falling asleep AT work. {g}
Yes folks - I have a screw loose. *I* am the one who is officially nuts! Going on for 2 now.......
Linda - did you check out the Camberwick Green and Trumpton vids above? You remember them from your childhood in England? :)
Any good ideas for YouTube searches are welcome, so if you have any recommendations for me to check out, feel free to post them in the comments section below people!
Still no news on the new diary......things will have to be sorted......eventually.
And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like "I Love You"...... yep definitely gorn in the head now..... ...... silly!
Love to all, wherever or whoever you are.... Sair xx
28 Mar 2008 - Clear Out
I'm at work - it's nearly half 1. I've just been busy having a clear out. Over the past few months I have been lazy and have not emptied the used ink cartridges and their boxes from under my desk. I've ripped up the boxes for the cleaners to remove and will shortly take down the used cartridges for re-cycling.
I tidied up the top of my desk early this morning too. I'd had lots of little sicky notes everywhere underneath my monitor - all had stuff to remember on them. I've remembered to bring in a pretty notebook from home this morning, so I transferred all the information inside this little book, which I can use in future for all my little notes. Much tidier round here now.
Not much work in - dribs and drabs and so R's are being done. I like them. Nice and easy and no bother at all.
I have a box and some carrier bags to take home but will leave that until next week. I must nip into the post office after work and pick up a postpak envelope for D. Tomorrow I'll nip into town early and post off her Jelly Babies and Tiptree Strawberry Conserve - jam. I shall write her a message on one of those pretty flower cards and enclose it.
It was raining here first thing - very cold and windy - so much so that the venecian blind's chords were swaying in here! It just shows how much of the wind actually gets through to us on the inside. Now at half one though the sun has been shining through the clouds occasionally and the rain has stopped. We must endure all the nasty, windy, raining weather to get through to the other side of spring and see the sunny and warm weather. It's a shame there's been so much rain because all the daffodils that have been planted around our estate are so pretty but they're bashed around with the wind and rain and they are looking rather sad at the moment.
Things we should be thankful for.....again?
Sight - in order to appreciate our sight more it's enlightening just to try and walk around, even in a familiar area, with our eyes closed, to truly appreciate how much we should be thankful for our eyesight.
Personally, I should be very thankful for my fingers! It brings money into the home because of my occupation as a word processor (typist). My fingers also bring huge enjoyment from using my computers at home - getting onto the internet and everything that involves.
Health - I dont' get headaches - I'm just lucky that way. I have to take thyroxine because of my thyroid and I have to take penicillin because my weight loss surgeon removed my spleen, but that's just a preventative measure. Apart from a bit of a dodgy knee (because of carrying so much weight around before), being several stones overweight still and the period problems (the start of hot flushes and flooding associated with the menopause), I am healthy! I don't have asthma, arthritis, cancer..... I'm healthy!
I managed to get a job locally which I enjoy and which is only 20 minutes door-to-door travel everyday and that's by bus! How lucky is that?!
I was privileged to have very loving, intelligent, sociable parents who gave me much more than I deserved a lot of the time. No anger, no abuse, just care and love. Many children don't have the happiness of having caring parents. I was born into a good family and was taught good manners, appropriate social skills and we had fun together. Very privileged indeed.
I'm going to keep thinking about things I can be grateful for in my life....but for now, I need to get some soup to drink and then go back to work. Life is getting in the way of thoughts just now. :)
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