WANT TO REPLY? EASY! SCROLL DOWN AND CLICK ON THE "ADD COMMENT" BUTTON!
11 Mar 2008 - Sleepy Night - For A Change
Last night I decided not to go in the chat. I needed some sleep again. Slept like a baby right through to about 6ish. Went into the chat and there were quite a few people still in there. Still, with all those people in there, I felt lonely. Having just sat up in bed after a long sleep and not having seen myself in a mirror yet, I decided not to go on cam after Gary asked me if I was going on cam. Not a pretty sight I bet. Gary said I was out of it last night - meaning the early hours of Monday morning I think. I was feeling extremely lonely (yes, even in a full chat room) and cried a lot. Teary - tears streaming down my face. Thankfully, even though I was on cam, nobody noticed. I told him I had been upset and that I'd been a bit teary but that I'm OK now. I'm not really though.
When I get in from work I have to do some washing. Lots to do at home. I have sort of made my mind up not to go into the Amercan chat rooms until they're about ready to finish up - early morning for me. At least I'll get enough sleep for work. Better to sleep than to feel worried in chat all the time.
I need to sit down in some peace and quiet tonight - no telly, no music, nothing. Just think about what I'm doing with my life. I have to make some changes. What changes I don't know. I just know I'm not happy on my own. BUT I'm not comfortable being in those chat rooms either. I'm just not good enough or funny enough or comfortable enough, or eloquent enough etc. etc. to be in those places. It'll be like curing an addiction, trying to keep myself away, but I know it's for the best. I want to stay way, for my own good - and THEIRS - but am finding it really hard to drag myself away.
Ultimately I'm completely on my own. Dee is her own person with her own feelings, wants and friends etc. She doesn't really need me much anymore. I miss my Mum and Dad every day. Someone to talk with who knows me.
Thank you to everyone who has expressed an interest, either here or by email, for joining me at my new diary. The delay in switching to the new diary is due to problems with someone else who's supposed to be helping me with it but nada yet. :( Thank you all for your comments. Sorry I haven't replied to them, nor the emails. I don't seem to be able to summon up any kind of energy for doing anything. I just think my feelings of loneliness are overtaking me a bit this week and they're dragging me down into tears a lot.
I have to go back to work soon. Was in here at a quarter to 8 today. Got an early lunch break .
Feeling like I wanna cry again. Feeling lonely.
Sair xx
11 Mar 2008 - Discovery
I've been searching around the net for a specific song and the last place I looked is YouTube where I found it. So stupid I am sometimes. Anyway, the lyrics I went for because they sort of tell the story of what happened to me and Dee. Here are the lyrics:
Artist: Proctor Rachel Song: Me and Emily Album: Where I Belong
Floorboard's filled with baby toys, An' empty coke bottles an' coffee cups. Drivin' through the rain with no radio, Tryin' not to wake her up. Cell 'phone says "low battery", God, what if I break down? I'm just lookin' for an exit with a lotta lights, A safe little interstate town.
Just a cheap hotel, With a single bed, And cable TV: Is good enough for me an' Emily.
Some day, when she's old enough, She's gonna start askin' questions about him. Some kid at school brings his Dad for show an' tell, An' gets her little mind a-wonderin': "Where's my Daddy? Do I have one? "Does he not love me like you do?" Oh, maybe I'll find someone to love the both of us, An' I'll tell her when she's old enough to know the truth.
Will it break her heart? Will she understand, That I had to leave? That's what was best for me an' Emily.
That house was never clean enough; his dinner never warm enough. Nothing I did was ever good enough to make him happy. So, I guess, he gave me what he thought I deserved, But it would kill me if he ever raised his hand to her.
Big rigs are throwin' rain on my windshield, An' I feel like they're laughin' at me. Fin'lly the storm is lettin' up, An' the mornin' is breakin' free.
It's a brand new day, It's a second chance. Yesterday is just a memory, For me an' Emily. Ah.
Floorboard is filled with baby toys, An' empty coke bottles an' coffee cups. Least there's one good thing that he gave me, An' she's startin' to wake up.
11 Mar 2008 - One Of My Favourite Songs
I'm still crazy about The Eagles latest album and if you've ever checked my top played songs shown on my last.fm profile (www.last.fm/user/SOLOSAIR), you'll know that this one of my favourite songs at the moment.
Copyright Notice: All entries are copyright (and the responsibility of) their respective authors. For re-use rights please contact the author directly. Do NOT use without prior consent. If you cannot get in touch with the author directly, please mail
use the Contact Us link above.
![[Powered By MySQL]](/images/mysql-04.gif)
Copyright Notice: All entries are copyright (and the responsibility of) their respective authors.
