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Click on arrows below for Terry Ott's Blog and What's On News. Get this widget! I'm feeling... WANT TO REPLY? EASY! SCROLL DOWN AND CLICK ON THE "ADD COMMENT" BUTTON! 6 Mar 2008 - Feeling Lonely....and Alien I've spent quite a lot of my time over the past two or three months inside webcam chat rooms.  Being with a lot of people at once is completely alien to me.  Being in several chats over time, with different hosts but being with basically the same people has taught me a big lesson of late.  I am very sure now that I don't belong in them.  I so wanted to be accepted.  I suppose a few of them think I have been accepted  with their gang(s).  It is certainly a strange existence, exchanging chat in chat rooms but never really knowing anyone in depth because things are always so immediate, brief.  If someone in any of those rooms were to involve me in some kind of aggression/anger/laughing/humiliation thing then I wouldn't be able to stand it.  I'd be in pieces.  None of my "friends" in the chat room know that because they don't know me well enough.  They can be very direct and say things in fun and have absolutely no idea that they have destroyed me inside, carrying on like nothing has happened, when in fact I am shedding lots of tears. I have been in those chat rooms now enough to know that, because of my failure / inability to communicate with the people there with comfort / ease, and the environment which prevents in-depth conversation, I now finding that I feel my time there is done. Not finding it easy to fit in, nor really get to know anyone closely because they either can't be bothered to build an off cam relaionship, through email for instance, or because I put them off because of not being as sociable as them or just saying selfish, inane things, proves to me that I should not be there.  The people in the chat rooms either just don't like me or are just too intent on doing their own thing to take an interest.  And I am too shy to ask too, so ultimately it's a futile exercise for me. Withdrawing from those webcam chat rooms will be hard and I will be tempted to return but I have to get through my skull that I am destined to always be alone with no "real life" companionship, love, friendship in my life.  I have to resign myself to a very lonely existance. Dee will eventually leave me and have her own life.  Then what to do?  Life is very sad and lonely at the moment.....even in a "room" full of people.  They laugh and joke.  I attempt a joke or two, which are stupid.  Off cam, I cry with loneliness.  No one here to hold me, kiss me on my cheek and tell me that I won't be lonely anymore.  The future is going to be a very lonely existance altogether. I feel sad and very lonely indeed today.  More and more lonely and time goes on...day after day after day....with no one to care for me.  Today, I wish I had a companion just to hold me and reassure me.... {sigh} Sair 6 Mar 2008 - A Message My friend who is helping me move on to another diary.... Here's a song for you today.... incidentally by The Kinks. I'm so tired Tired of waiting Tired of waiting for you I'm so tired Tired of waiting Tired of waiting for you I was a lonely soul I had nobody till I met you But you keep-a me waiting All of the time What can I do? Its your life And you can do what you want Do what you like But please dont keep-a me waiting Please dont keep-a me waiting 'Cause Im so tired Tired of waiting Tired of waiting for you So tired Tired of waiting Tired of waiting for you I was a lonely soul I had nobody 'til I met you But you keep-a me waiting All of the time What can I do? Its your life And you can do what you want Do what you like But please dont keep-a me waiting Please dont keep-a me waiting 'Cause I'm so tired Tired of waiting Tired of waiting for you So tired Tired of waiting Tired of waiting for you For you For you Email: R-mail powered Previous Month Next Month Nov 2009 Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri  Sat 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 Aug 2009 Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri  Sat             1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 Feb 2009 Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri  Sat 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 Jan 2009 Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri  Sat         1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 Aug 2008 Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri  Sat           1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 May 2008 Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri  Sat         1 2 3 [4] 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 Apr 2008 Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri  Sat     [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] 8 [9] 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 [18] 19 20 21 [22] 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 Mar 2008 Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri  Sat             [1] [2] [3] [4] 5 [6] [7] 8 9 [10] [11] [12] [13] 14 15 16 17 18 [19] 20 [21] [22] 23 24 25 [26] [27] [28] [29] [30] [31] Feb 2008 Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri  Sat           [1] 2 [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] 8 [9] [10] 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 [22] 23 [24] [25] 26 [27] 28 29 Jan 2008 Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri  Sat     [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] 8 [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] 16 17 18 19 [20] [21] 22 [23] [24] [25] [26] [27] [28] 29 [30] [31] Dec 2007 Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri  Sat             [1] 2 [3] 4 [5] 6 7 8 [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] 15 16 [17] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22] 23 24 [25] [26] [27] [28] [29] [30] [31] Nov 2007 Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri  Sat         1 [2] [3] 4 5 6 [7] 8 [9] 10 [11] [12] [13] 14 15 16 17 [18] 19 20 [21] 22 23 [24] 25 [26] 27 28 29 [30]

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