After several missed connections in a row, Eric and I finally hooked up tonight. It was the first time I'd seen him since the end of November.Around 12:40 am tonight, about to log in to another e-mail account for a totally different reason, it suddenly occurred to me that I should check the account Eric uses to write me... and sure enough, he had sent me a message just 20 minutes earlier. I wrote him back to see if he was still up, and still wanted to stop by and get blown... he was and he did.
Strangely, though, I found I wasn't totally into it this time. I felt suddenly bashful around him, and somewhat uncomfortable and distracted. Still, I got down on my knees and took care of his needs the best I could, while he sat in my living room easy chair and had a couple of smokes.
I found myself gagging and choking tonight while trying to deep-throat him... His cock is pretty big, and thick, but I didn't have so much trouble the other times I gave him head. I finally just put only the head of his penis in my mouth and jerked off his shaft with my hand. He seemed to like that... Fortunately (for me) he came in my mouth pretty quickly, and it was over.
Am I losing interest? Or just a bit out of practice? I hadn't given anyone a BJ in two full months, after all.
I look back at all the sex hookups I had in November, all the rather brazen ads I placed on craigslist and elsewhere, all the endless correspondence I traded with various guys, and now, from a distance of more than two months, it seems like I was going through some month-long manic episode at the time or something. I had a great time back then, but today I get painfully shy at the very thought of doing it all again. It all just seems so overwhelming.
I actually placed ads saying I like to give head to guys who smoke? Suddenly I feel sheepish about that.
I really don't understand myself sometimes.
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