Life should not be a journey to the grave, with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming
WOW! What a Ride!
HE SAID, SHE SAID, I SAID....
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Gloria and I had a very useful chat over our Margueritas. Always nice to get another person's take on a situation, people in your life, or event. She likes both RC and Bruce, very much, and considers both of them "wonderful men". She says they're both worth every bit of the trouble they sometimes give. I agree with both statements.
What she saw Saturday night were two men who hadn't had very good days, leading to one looking a whole lot less than enthusiastic and friendly, and the other taking things personally that weren't personally met. She does think they could probably both use anger management classes, to which, of course, neither will agree!
So I told her RC had said his big issue was with the way Bruce had treated me, particularly with that "Shut up!" business. Gloria said that RC had told her if any woman or man ever said that to him, that would be the end of it. Gone! pfffft! No more friendship. She said when he told her that, she was taken aback, thinking, What? Don't you make attachment to people? I make attachments. Everybody says or does things you don't like sometime or another. You forgive them! She didn't say that to RC, though.
On the subject of Bruce's drinking, Gloria said he appeared to be a very high-energy person, and that people with that high an energy level could often drink much more than the average Joe, and still perform quite well. She asked what Bruce was like when he drank, and I told her he gets very ebullient--talkative, loud, and mostly pretty happy. "How about RC?" she asked, "Or does he ever do that? Is he always just too much in control to drink too much?"
Good question, one I hadn't thought to put quite that way. "I haven't seen him get drunk in a very long time," I said. "Probably not in the last thirteen years. But when he does drink too much, he tends to get argumentative."
Basically, her take on drinking was that it isn't that big a problem if you are high-functioning, and aren't going ballistic when you drink. And to tell the truth, my issues with Bruce's drinking have more to do with his physical health than anything else. I just don't want him drinking and smoking himself to death. I want him to be around for a very, very, very long time, and in good health.
Yesterday morning, I sat and talked to RC at the breakfast table. I told him what Gloria had said. I knew he would take it better coming from someone else, and that he values her opinion. If I say I like Bruce, that's one thing. If Gloria says it, that's something else entirely.
RC can't understand what I see in someone who is so very different from himself. Amazing.
"Well, that's the whole point, isn't it?" I said. "If I want to talk to someone about the things I talk to you about, I will talk to you." (I was thinking, Except that you don't talk about anything, but I didn't say that.) I went on, "If I want to do the kinds of things you and I do together, then I will do them with you. If I want to go to the restaurants you and I go to, and eat the foods you and I eat, then I will go with you. With Bruce, I do all the things you and I don't do. I like him because he's completely different from you." (And yeah, I was thinking, Thank God, because I couldn't take two men like you!)
And I told RC we had to come to some sort of compromise. I told him I had never tried to control who he saw or what he did. I told him that if he didn't want to see or have anything to do with Bruce, that was his perogative, but he really shouldn't be making decisions like that for me.
RC said, "I think you should just pack your bags and go over to Bruce's and live there for six months. You wouldn't be able to handle him full time!"
I said, "I love living here. I love my home. I love you. I'm living where I want to live." And I was thinking, too, (Sorry, Bruce) Besides, Bruce has no place to put me. His house is so jam-packed, I can't take more than an overnight bag over there, much less my entire life! Isn't that funny? If anything happened to RC, Bruce would have to move in with me, because it would probably take six months to clear enough space in his house to let me in! We are going to have to work on that!
RC finally told me he could agree to my continuing to see Bruce, but he doesn't want to anymore, and he doesn't want him at the house when he's there himself.
In essence, RC broke up with Bruce. That's sad, because for whatever reasons, Bruce loves what he calls RC "gnarly old hide." It could have been so much better than it has turned out.
Another little oddity: RC was upset with Bruce for treating me badly, saying "Shut up" and Bruce was upset with RC for the same thing. He says what actually set him off was RC's treating me like some sort of dim bulb for not being able to find Gloria's house. He says he's seen RC treat me like on numerous occasions, and it was just the final straw.
So they were both out to protect me. Oh, brother.
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