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24 Jan 2002 - The tale of a pocket of poop and the chainsaw poodle.
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Well, here it is my first diary entry and it is a doozy. I am a professional groomer by trade and try to look at the humourous side of my job daily. I love the dog business but it is a earthy business so probably most of my entries will be about poop and other bodily functions from our four-legged buddies. I have had many strange, stupid, wacky things happen to me and around me, but the first tale of the pocket of poop was the first time it happened to me.
I donate free grooming to the Humane Society and this starts my story. The cats name was Prince(now know as Prince of Poop). He needed a bath to be spruced up for potential owners to look at him. Prince wasnt too happy when the water and shampoo came his way. Prince is a beautiful long haired white cat with a black tail, hope he gets a good home. Back to the story--started to try Prince with my hand blower, he really didnt like that. So I had to put him in a cage to dry under a dryer that way. After a time Prince looked pretty dry but needed a good combing to finish his sprucing up. I keep my combs and other smaller tools in my pockets to keep them handy. I picked Prince up out of his cgae and cradled him to take him to my table..when I heard the juicy sound wind coming from his tightly clincked buttocks(do cats really have buttocks?) I looked behind me, looked down my leg, saw no poop trail following me. So thought nothing of it, gassy cat. Got Prince to my table, needed my comb--Wala--comb is in pocket---reached in my pockect and grabbed so much more than my comb...EEEEWWWWHHH!!!! runny yellow cat poop filled my pocket..could not decide to laugh or throw-up..finally did both. Everything washed out..no lasting emotional damage, except it will be a long time before I put mustard on my hotdogs.
Every groomer has had a run in with a dog that had to be part chainsaw..Today I ran into a poodle that was half and half. Little devil looking up at me from under a shaggy topknot. Big liquid eyes proclaiming gentleness, kindness---One Big Lie--This little dog latched onto my hand and started buzzing away. I jerked my hand out and hopefully away from said dog..but Oh NO, dog comes out attached to my hand, basically standing on his head to keep his grip. So I carried the little bugger to my table, while he tried to sever a finger on the way. All ended well. Except owners also gave me the big ole innocent liquid eyes and said he never tried that before..except with the vet, the other groomers, maybe the mailman. Poor little guy was just misunderstood. Yep, that what it was.
Besides the chainsaw poodle and poop experience I had an extremely loving day. Lots of Doggie kisses from my all time favorite scottie girl, Katie-bear. Got knocked around by a bulldog named max, very energetic smoocher!!! Laughed at Becky Fiese, the other groomer, when a dog she was grooming decided he needed a potty break...he started urinating..on her, her table, her equipment..just lifted the ole leg and sighed....relief. It was a rainy morning, so alot of potty mishaps happened today. It all washes off, the poop, the pee, the drool and slobbers..but the love still stays even after a very long hot shower.
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24 Jan 2002 - The Pint-sized Cowboy and the Rottie from Hell.
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What can I say, some little boys decide to be astronauts and some choose to be cowboys. Tex had chose to be a cowboy and he never changed his mind. Ole Tex works back in my Kennel, cleaning and taking care of the dogs. Picture in your mind Woody of Toy Story and you almost got Tex visualized. Make him about 5 foot tall and no teeth..thats my Tex. Tex is in his mid-fifties, a good ole boy,but a handful at times. He is a hard worker, but afraid of the dogs, the ladder, changing light bulbs, lifting a paintbrush....I think the broom has even put the fear of God into him a couple of times.
The Rottie from hell is pure evil, eyes blazing, mouth like a rabid dog, saliva foaming everywhere. If it stands on its hind legs it is about a foot and half taller than Tex. Chucho is his name..Beware children or Chucho will get you.
Well Ole Tex decided not to listen to me about not going near Chucho...He wrangled cattle, he broke some broncos, he was a man...and that made him right.
I had to go up front and answer a phone call and had to pass the kennel door. I heard the loud harsh sound of chopping back in the kennel. Wondering what the heck ole Tex could be chopping I opened the door. Out popped Tex...with chucho right on his tail. Tex has decided to walk Chucho, and Chucho decided Tex looked like a chew toy. The chopping sound I heard was Tex's cowboy boots hitting the concrete trying to run away from Chucho.
Oh My God..Chucho was loose!!...Godzilla could not have made a bigger impression on us. Everybody scatters, but Chucho only has eyes for Tex. I finally yell at the cowboy to run back into the kennel..Chucho follows.
I get the deamon Chucho back into his run with an opened can of dog food, while ole tex comes sauntering up to me...slaps me on the back..and says..babe, you need more men around this place....yep cowboys are handy to have around. Thats all for now getting ready for work again...hmm..what new tales to tell today.
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24 Jan 2002 - The Miracle of birth and Help!! My Cat has Hairy Balls
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Well, thought today was going to be a slow boring day. Thought heck my diary entry will stink tonight. But of all things to happen today I played a part in the miracle of birth. Client just had to bring her cocker in today for a bath. Dog walked thru door looking like an over-ripe watermelon. She felt like a hairy bowling ball, all round and hard. Oh no, told her if I touch that dog today it would be popping out puppies in an hour. Client didnt believe me. Well, I lied, it was two hours, after two hours of having her bath, that dog was popping puppies out like a machine gun. It was stand back and catch a puppy before it lands. Ever seen one of those tennis ball machines that shoot out the balls, that "wonk" sound. Dogs rear-end sound like that..."wonk" catch a puppy.."wonk" catch another puppy. Mother dog looking at me the whole time, laughing, ha-ha you had 32 hours of hard intensive labor, I got 32 seconds of "wonk". Client finally came and picked her up, and the six puppies. Owner called later said she was nesting again..so probably more puppies coming.
You ever answer the phone and someone ask a question and you want to say..are you for real? Woman called and asked what I could do for her cats hairy balls. This is a business phone so couldnt say anything but,"What was your cats problem again ?" My cat,she said has a problem with hairy balls. Remember I am a groomer so my response was, I could shave your cats scrotum, but he deffinately wont like it. Lady asked me how that would help her cat throwing up clumps of hair. Politely told her to get cat-lax and have a good day. Things might have sounded better if I said I would braid the hair instead of shaving it. Well that was my day.
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Give a second chance to an abused or abandoned dog or cat, visit your local Shelters or Humane Socities for your next four-legged family member...ADOPT dont SHOP.
You can email the author at annbaker69@hotmail.com
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