We went to my cousin Michael's place last night, to visit with him and his lovely wife Jamie. The first thing we spotted was a 40 gallon tank they acquired a month ago. Long story short, everything was dying horribly because they didn't really know about water changes, chemistry, pH, etc. They'd lost 5 fish, another was dying, 2 Gourami's were doing OK, and a gorgeous 12" African Clown Knife was doing quite well. The kids hated the Knife. They called it the "Alien Death Fish". It is long like an eel, hunchbacked, with a highly reflective eye and a mouth that stretches to accomodate whatever food it decides needs to be eaten. It is silver and has black spots. It looks like something Dr. Suess thought up for a special titled "Horton Hatches The Egg That Was Laid In His Brain, And Was Then Eaten By The Horrifying Hatchlings". A sample of dialog:
Elephant in tree: "I meant what I said, and I said what I meant, an elephant's faithful one hundred percent."
(Sickening crunching sound)
Elephant writhing on ground: "OHMYGOD IT'S CRAWLING OUT OF MY EYE SOCKET!!! AAAAAAARGH!!! MY BRAIN!!!!"
I readily admit that I'm a fish geek. Kathy isn't so much a geek as an admirer of fish geeks (mostly me). We knew that we were seeing Piscean Emergency 9-1-1 (you must say this like William Shatner). Quickly we sprung into action!
$125 later we had Mike and Jamie happily changing water, medicating, checking chemistry and whatnot. They were delighted at the late Christmas Gift, and we were given the Alien Death Fish.
Alien Death Fish is now in our previously-empty 150 gallon tank. Sister Allison and the boys came down from Tacoma and we gave them quite a show. The Alien Death Fish eats other fish, so we took the liberty of buying some "feeders", and dropped a few in. Then we turned out the lights and turned the tank's red lights on. Party time!!!!!!
The Alien Death Fish has few table manners, and lousy aim. It ate 2 of the little Danio's within 2 hours, and has tried very earnestly for the other two. He puts a lot of energy into performing these horrid open-mouthed lunges, and hits the sides of the tank when he misses.
He misses a lot.
No no, I mean A LOT.
We're happy that the tank is not glass (THUMP! THUMP! Fish shudders back from impact and wobbles around like he's punch-drunk. Lump appears on head in cartoon-like proportions.), the boys were suitably horrified, and I made sure to point out that this fish looks like something that crawls out of the tank at night to stalk and maim any warm-blooded creatures it can find.
The next time the boys stay here they're sleeping out in the living room, and we're going to leave those red tank lights on.
Goodnight boys. Don't let the bedbugs bite....(splash, splash)
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