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3 Sep 2001 - incredibly odd.
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Ever have that feeling..where you know something is wrong, but you dont know what it is? i have that feeling right now...like i dont really feel like talking to anyone, i talked to matt, and that was okay, i seem to be able to talk to him all the time--even when im in a bad mood...and im talking to jess...but eh..i dunno..i feel like i just wanna yell at someone..or maybe cry...or maybe both..im not sure...maybe its just me PMS-ing....lol who knows!!! Hmm what did i do today...i went to the mall with Heather..it was pretty cool, considering she and i have never hung out...shes cool..:)we went at about two, left at six...we just cruised..talked about people, looked at the hott guys...and gawked..Lets see what did i buy.... umm i bought three CD's...one was a 2001 Warped Tour compilation...and the other two were Fat Music For Fat People and another Fat Records CD...theyre all pretty good...just various punk/ska bands...i like em..And I also bought two books...im getting more into reading, and i dont know why..i used to absolutely hate to read, and now i cant seem to keep my head out of books..oh well, theres nothing wrong with it...The two books i got are "I know This Much Is True" and "Looking For Trouble" they both sounded really good...im reading Summer Sisters right now..and that one book White Oleander..the one laura gave me to read was so good, i want to read it again...it was awesome i want a boyfriend..oh crap nevermind..i made my contract...i cant complain mally
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3 Sep 2001 - A love like no other
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what is love exactly.... well theres your plain ol love..... A) An attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers B) warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion but then theres Platonic love.... A)a close relationship between two persons in which sexual desire is nonexistent or has been suppressed or sublimated Doesnt platonic love just sound great? Ive been reading books lately, and they all involve love, someone falling in love, falling out of love as they put it, losing love, gaining love...so many things to do with love.... Books always seem to have people with the perfect lives, even if they are the most horrible lives in the world, theyre still perfect...there is no unexpected for them, nothing other than whats written there... Are we just characters in books? Sometimes i wish I was.... everything just seems easier that way especially finding love Mally
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3 Sep 2001 - a slow downward spiral
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What happens when you have to cry so bad, that it hurts, but the tears wont fall? What happens when you become sensitive to every single thing around you...What does it mean when you sit in your room, hours on end, burying yourself into books just to help yourself cry? What does that mean? I dont know what im doing anymore, but i think im slowly working my way back into my downward spiral of depression..i dont want to be there, i dont like that place...
i hate that place.. i just get to a point now...where my eyes swell up with tears, but they dont fall...i can feel the lump in my throat...its always there, i get that butterfly feeling in my stomach, and my chest begins to hurt....but my body, my mind, my heart, whatever it is thats stopping me, wont let me cry...what does that mean? have i bottled my emotions up so much, that ive gotten to a point where nothing will come out? What is going on with me?
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I guarantee well have tough times and i guarantee at some point well both wanna get out, but i also guarantee if i dont ask you to be mine ill regret it for the rest of my life.
You all laugh because im different, i laugh because youre all the same
Be EXTREME.
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